The Drunk Dial

By Aquarius

Rating: PG-13

Genres: humour

Keywords:

This story has been read by 925 people.
This story has been read 1339 times.


GENRE: Humor; very AU, and very ridiculous. ;-p

RATING: PG-13, for profanity, adult situations, and suggestive song lyrics. (Don't ask.)

MAIN CHARACTERS: Trip/T'Pol.

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS: Capt. Jon Archer; Telemarketer

SETTING: Sometime after T'Pol and Trip take a break so T'Pol can "find herself" in Season Four.

SUMMARY: It's shore leave. Trip's friends take him out to cruise chicks and drink beer so he can forget about how heartbroken and frustrated he is over T'Pol; T'Pol comes in from her evening of doing Vulcan stuff and checks her messages before bed.

DISCLAIMER: Paramount/CBS owns the characters and situations this story is based on. What I've done with them, however, belongs to me and me alone. This is a labor of love; nobody made any money from this—who in their right mind would pay to read it any way???


Commander T'Pol's message center:

*BEEP!*

YOU HAVE SEVENTEEN NEW MESSAGES

FIRST UNHEARD MESSAGE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21. 2154, 11:43 PM

"Uh, hi, T'Pol. It's me, Trip. Uh…whatcha doin'? Uh, listen, I know we haven't talked in a while, but me an' the guys are down at the 602 Club, an' I was thinkin', you know…well, uh, maybe you'd wanna come down if you're not busy? Uh…okay, bye."

*click*

*BEEP!*


SECOND UNHEARD MESSAGE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2154. 11:49 PM

"Yeah, hi, T'Pol. It's Trip again. Listen, sorry 'bout that last message. Uh, maybe it was a bad idea sooooooo…forget the whole thing. Never mind. But, you know, go ahead and gimme a call…if you wanna. Bye."

*click*

*BEEP!*


THIRD UNHEARD MESSAGE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2154. 11:57 PM

"T'Pol? It's Trip. I know I jus' called but I was wunnerin' if you got mah message yet? About that last one…yeah, sorry, I didn't wanna make it soun' like I don't wanna see ya…'cause I do wanna see ya. But, like, only if you wanna see me, okay? So, uh, go ahead and gimme a call or sumpin', okay? Bye."

*click*

*BEEP!*


FOURTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154 12:05 AM

"Hey, Trip again. Uh, look, the guys are sayin' sumpin' 'bout leavin' soon an' goin' to the Bloated Goat or some crazy shit instead. I dunno. Anyway, we're gonna be here anudder half hour, so…gimme a call, or show up. Bye."

*click*

*BEEP!*


FIFTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154 12:16 AM

"Hey, you're not really there, blowin' me off, are ya? The guys jus' ditched me while I was in the john. Malcolm's all pissed at me 'cause he says I won't shut the hell up 'bout ya. Whatever. 'Kay. Keepin' a bar stool warm for ya."

*click*

*BEEP!*


SIXTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 12:21 AM

"T'Pol!! They got karara….krokie…karaoke in here! Sheck it out!!

When Ah lose mahself
Ah wan' you ta fin' me
When Ah f'rget mahself
Ah wan' you to re-miiiiiiiin' me

Ooooooooooooooooh—
Ah don' wan' anybody else!
When Ah think aboutchu
Ah touch mahself!
AH TOUCH MAHSELF!"*

*click*

*BEEP!*


SEVENTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 12:31 AM

(*rustle..rustle..rustle…..hiss…rustle…skitter…*) (muffled) "SONOFABITCH!"

*click*

*BEEP!*


EIGHTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 12:33 AM

"Commander T'Pol, this is your lucky day! The Arthur Murray School of Dance has randomly selected you to win ten free bossa nova lessons! There's no obligation—simply press or say 'one' and we'll get the enrollment process started right away!"

*click*

*BEEP!*


NINTH UNHEARD MESSAGE, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 12:39 AM

"T'Pol? You there? Ah know yer still up! Ah know itsh late, but how 'bout a little neuropreshure? For old timesshake? Whaddya shay, babe? C'mon…Ah'll be right o'er an' Ah'll show ya mah sexy dance again…we'll get all nekkid an'…WHERE'S DAT WAIDRESS WID MAH BEER?!?!"

*click*

*BEEP!*


TENTH UNHERARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 12:47 AM

"Am Ah fallin' outta dis chair…?"

*click*

*BEEP!*


ELEVENTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22. 2154. 12:53 AM

(unrestrained sobbing) "T'Pol, baby, come baaaaaaaack! PLEEEEEEEEZE!! Ah can' hannle dis anymore! Ah NEEEEEEEED you!! Ah…Ah…" (pause) "WHAT. KIND. OF. SEXSHUAL. FAVOR. DOES. A. GUY. HAFTA. DO. TO. GET. A. NUDDER. BEER. IN. HERE?!?!"

*click*

*BEEP!*


TWELFTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 1:01 AM

(*flush*) "Aw, shee-it…not again!"

*click*

*BEEP!*


THIRTEENTH UNHEARD MESSAGE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 1:15 AM

"Hi, T'Pol. It's Jon. Ah, we were actually wondering if you've seen Trip? He was supposed to meet us at the Bloated Goat almost an hour ago and he hasn't shown up yet. No big deal, I guess. Any way, if you get this message and you're still up, maybe we could get together and—"

*click*

*BEEP!*


FOURTEENTH UNHEARD MESSAGE, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154. 1:17 AM

"Baby, pick up, pleeeeeeeze!! T'Pol? AH'M IN HELLLLLLLLL!! Ah don' unnerstan'…Ah though everythin' was gonna be okay when ya got yer annumulin…ammuln…allunm…aluminum…divorce fr'm that jackhole Koss, an'-"

*click*

*BEEP!"


FIFTEENTH UNHEARD MESSAGE, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 1:28 AM

(silence)

*click*

*BEEP!*


SIXTEENTH UNHEARD MESSAGE, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 1:29 AM

(silence)

*click*

*BEEP!*


SEVENTEETH UNHEARD MESSAGE, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2154, 2:07 AM

"Uh, hi, T'Pol? Uh, it's Trip…Ah'm at the po-lice station, an' Ah was wunnerin if you could come get me? An' bring bail money? Ah really screwed up, an' Ah'm sorry. Oh, an' don' tell Jon. He'll kill me. Uh…thanks."

*click*

*BEEP!*


END OF MESSAGES

* * * T'Pol closed her eyes and drew a deep, resigned breath. The last few minutes had been tumultuous…chaotic...excruciating. She did her best to quiet her mind and find her center.

Eyeing her coat in its resting place, she knew she faced a decision:

To purchase the coffee and aspirin before she collected Trip from the detoxification cell, or after?

It was already going to be a long day…



END

*Song: "I Touch Myself" by the Divynils


Comments:

Leocentaur

I keep coming back to this one whenever I need cheering up!  It really is hilarious (though I dare say it's not very kind laughing at a man when he's down like poor Trip is in this!)

Brilliant stuff!

RainyKate

:p:p:p:p

You can't imagine how much I love it!!!! :DDDDD

Really, no kidding, THE BEST FANFICTION EVER!

Trip (in this FF) reminds me of myself :DD (Long storry XDDD)

Misplaced

Funniest. Fic. EVER!

Seriously, the funniest fic I have ever had the glorious chance to read.  I have tears coming out of my eyes, I laughed so hard.

panyasan

Comedy at it's best. It's so funny. :D:D:D:D

Starwatcher

LOL! LOVED this fic - sends shivers down my spine when I read Trip's messages and think about some of the times I've drunk-dialled people I really shouldn't have - although not as many times as poor Trip :-(

The Middleman

Very cute

Cat

ROFLMAO!

Girl, this is a riot! I love it! I stink at writing constructive critiques, but...this is too great!  :p

Linda
This is beyond hilarious.:D;) Great idea to put it in messages! Even better than what my real live grandson pulled on his parents leaving a message without saying who was calling but of course they knew his voice. Dylan's message: "Uh, if the police call, tell them that we did get off the railroad tracks like they said to. Everything's cool. Really. Uh, bye." :s
Buurman
Hehehe. :D While I definitely think it is out of character, I also immensely liked it. Especially message number seven, and eight because of the contrast with seven. Brilliance!
Aquarius
Wow, I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying this so much! :D Thanks! Yes, there will probably be a sequel...but when, I don't know, as the next few weeks are going to be pretty busy for me.7g
Complicated
Fantastic! You owe us a sequel of T'Pol at the Police Station and bringing Trip aboard the Enterprise...! :)
Elessar
Under extreme pressure (:D) I came out of my pre-OCS FREAKOUT shell (jk) and ventured into the new submissions again and WOW. This had me laughing so hard out loud. The entire concept is so original and I love the format. I thought it was a regular fic going into it, and I can only say your original, unorthodox way of putting it together just made it better. I love how even ARCHER is calling and trying to make a booty call! Was it T'Pol who clicked him off before he could finish? :D You know what I say? SEE-QUEL, SEQUEL, SEQUEL! A series of ANSWERING MACHINE stories. Seriously. It'll be awhile before I get tired of this idea :D:s
tennisgirl
Hehehehe... I'm still laughing... This was very refreshing. It had been a very long while since I had read a short hilarious TnT story. These are very much necessary, and yet there don't seem to be many around. Thank you for writing it. I shall now resume my giggling.
Ezinma88
This really made me laugh...and cringe - sometimes both at the same time. It reminded me of 'The Office' (British version of course!), because whilst it falls under the catergory of 'humour', it's also desperately sad. But, the mix works pretty well. E88 P.S. I love that song. What a perfect choice!!
Dinah
I enjoyed this immensely. The only way Trip can tell T'Pol how he feels is to get blind, stinking, falling-down drunk. How sad is that? At least T'Pol was willing to pick him up -- that has to be true love. Now if she'd only give this poor guy a break. Anyway, two thumbs way up (two's all I've got or you'd get more). Great job!
Aquarius
Thanks everyone! This was a lot of fun to write and I'm glad you all got enjoyment out of it. [b]Eian[/b]--guilty as charged! I don't exactly party like a rock star any more, but I admit I still throw down pretty good for a girl! :p ;) [b]krn[/b]--Nice picking up on that! My friends who read it assumed the machine just cut him off. :p [b]justTrip'n[/b]--Thanks for taking some of the blame! lol :p Seriously, though, thanks, for all your help and all the kind words. Now that I kind of think about it, this piece may have spawned a sequel. I feel compelled to figure out what, precisely, Trip's "sexy dance" is! ;) :p Thanks again, everyone. You're all very sweet. Aquarius
Vaux
Brilliant! LOL! LOL! LOL!:D
Lady Rainbow
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! This is hilarious! :p[b][/b]
Eian
Aye, I checked...and it's still funny. And BnB wondered if [b][i]I[/i][/b] had enjoyed too many pub crawls in me youth? Apparently...not just me. :D ;)
krn
it's funny no matter how many times you read it! I do like how T'Pol cut off Archer's invitation to join them - subtle, nice.
Asso
:D:D:D:D:D:D:p:p:p:p:p
ROFLMAO. Thanks :)
Blacknblue
*snicker* *snort* *choke* *strangle* *fall out of chair laughing hysterically*
justTrip'n
Besides Aquarius, you can blame me for this one. Aquarius wrote it as a lark in he "Intoxication" one-word challenge thread and I convinced her? to come out here and show it to the world! I thought it was hilarious. Let's see . . . a serious review . . . I think the author has captured in very few words, Trip's grief at T'Pol's rejection. And it's touching that T'Pol has now seen him at his worst (let's hope) and still doesn't hate him. Ah . . the romance. LOL OK, I tried . . . LOL

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