How the Trek Do You feel about...
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:25 pm
Okay, pick one thing from the Star Trek Universe. Not a series, not a movie, not a concept, only a person, an item, or in the case of this post Races:
How the Trek Do You Feel About...
Cardassians- We get it, you're space Nazis. Very scary. If you stopped turning everything you touched into an Orwellian nightmare for five seconds you would realize that Gul Dukat is a fucking psycho.
Tholians- Okay so you know how everybody complained that all of Star Trek contains nothing but humanoid races? The Tholians are essentially Trek Universe evolution pissing in your eye. Spiders that live in lava and are made out of silicate. Darwin just wet himself.
The Romulans- How long can these guys be mad about Surak telling them off? Seriously, grow the **** up already. On a further note, these guys used to be the best damn villains in the Trek Universe and the only Romulan villain who survived the Romulan apocalypse was the least cunning Romulan ever born. This dude had NO subtle game. Not a well thought out plan Nero.
The Klingons- Big ships, big guns, big muscles, constantly yelling. I'm sensing inadequacy issues.
The Breen- When I heard about a new race joining the Dominion, I had chills. Dear god, what now? The Gorn? The Swarm? Would they bring back the Hunters from Season One? What fresh hell shall be inflicted on poor Sisko? Then they said the Breen. Oh, okay. The Breen are about as intimidating as a wet kitten. Points for the Boba Fett looking helmets though.
The Borg- The Scariest villains who once....well they...actually they've never really done anything. Yeah they destroyed the fleet but looking back at it, everybody's destroyed the fleet once. You aren't a Star Trek villain if you don't do that. Other then that they've never accomplished a god damned thing other then look like an H.R. Geiger painting and name themselves after a Swedish shoe company. Their sole contribution is giving us Seven of Nine. Suck it Borg.
The Gorn- God I love the Gorn, GOD DAMN I love the Gorn. A race of Raptors with space weapons! The very thought of that just made me wet myself. Name a trek moment without the Gorn and I'll name a moment that could benefit from a Gorn injection.
The Bajorans- Feisty Women, rich culture, long history of killing space Nazis, so why do they annoy the crap out of me? Oh yeah, they pray every six seconds. *Changed for actually being too sarcastic in a thread made to be sarcastic and insulting! Seriously, it was that bad. I hit a new low. Funny but still.
The Nausicanns- Space bikers, if ENT is to be believed they used to be pretty scary back in the 2200s. Now they're professional bodyguards for the Ferengi. Losers.
The Orions- All the women are Strippers and Hookers, all the men are Bouncers and Mobsters. The other place in the universe this kind of society exists? Las Vegas. the Orion homeworld must be a fucked up place to live. Imagine a planet where your mom is a stripper, your sister is a stripper, and if you're a girl, you're a stripper too. The trade off is that you're uber hot and the men of your world are built like Mr. Universe.
The Trill- So you've turned your entire race into a slave species for giant slugs. What was the benefit again? Call Stargate SG-1, that dog don't hunt.
The Dominion- Any species with Jeffery Combs in it is bad ass...
The Andorians- See? Also, feisty women that are blue. Bonus points for feisty women.
The Ferengi- Well, there's always an exception to every rule and not even Jeffery Combs made them seem threatening. Thinly veiled Ayn Rand critiques aside, these guys gave us Nog or as I like to call him "Wesley Part 2".
The Kazon- A stiff breeze is more threatening.
Species 84 blah blah bl- Oh so scary for like two episodes, then that one Starfleet academy episode sucks all the awesome out of them.
The Swarm- I love the Swarm. LOVE THEM. That's a scary ass villain race.
The Bolians- Fun loving fat dudes rule. Go Mr. Mot!
The Remen- A slave race created by somebody who A) Smoked pot, B) Played too much Vampire: The Masquerade, C) All of the Above? When Tom Hardy is scarier then your entire race, you suck.
The Tellerites- Pig faced and proud of it.
The Xindi- Normally I like my Al Qaeda metaphors with less bitch ass whining.
And finally, The Q- Where is my Ark of Truth when I need it? Why can't we get ride of these ass clowns?
How the Trek Do You Feel About...
Cardassians- We get it, you're space Nazis. Very scary. If you stopped turning everything you touched into an Orwellian nightmare for five seconds you would realize that Gul Dukat is a fucking psycho.
Tholians- Okay so you know how everybody complained that all of Star Trek contains nothing but humanoid races? The Tholians are essentially Trek Universe evolution pissing in your eye. Spiders that live in lava and are made out of silicate. Darwin just wet himself.
The Romulans- How long can these guys be mad about Surak telling them off? Seriously, grow the **** up already. On a further note, these guys used to be the best damn villains in the Trek Universe and the only Romulan villain who survived the Romulan apocalypse was the least cunning Romulan ever born. This dude had NO subtle game. Not a well thought out plan Nero.
The Klingons- Big ships, big guns, big muscles, constantly yelling. I'm sensing inadequacy issues.
The Breen- When I heard about a new race joining the Dominion, I had chills. Dear god, what now? The Gorn? The Swarm? Would they bring back the Hunters from Season One? What fresh hell shall be inflicted on poor Sisko? Then they said the Breen. Oh, okay. The Breen are about as intimidating as a wet kitten. Points for the Boba Fett looking helmets though.
The Borg- The Scariest villains who once....well they...actually they've never really done anything. Yeah they destroyed the fleet but looking back at it, everybody's destroyed the fleet once. You aren't a Star Trek villain if you don't do that. Other then that they've never accomplished a god damned thing other then look like an H.R. Geiger painting and name themselves after a Swedish shoe company. Their sole contribution is giving us Seven of Nine. Suck it Borg.
The Gorn- God I love the Gorn, GOD DAMN I love the Gorn. A race of Raptors with space weapons! The very thought of that just made me wet myself. Name a trek moment without the Gorn and I'll name a moment that could benefit from a Gorn injection.
The Bajorans- Feisty Women, rich culture, long history of killing space Nazis, so why do they annoy the crap out of me? Oh yeah, they pray every six seconds. *Changed for actually being too sarcastic in a thread made to be sarcastic and insulting! Seriously, it was that bad. I hit a new low. Funny but still.
The Nausicanns- Space bikers, if ENT is to be believed they used to be pretty scary back in the 2200s. Now they're professional bodyguards for the Ferengi. Losers.
The Orions- All the women are Strippers and Hookers, all the men are Bouncers and Mobsters. The other place in the universe this kind of society exists? Las Vegas. the Orion homeworld must be a fucked up place to live. Imagine a planet where your mom is a stripper, your sister is a stripper, and if you're a girl, you're a stripper too. The trade off is that you're uber hot and the men of your world are built like Mr. Universe.
The Trill- So you've turned your entire race into a slave species for giant slugs. What was the benefit again? Call Stargate SG-1, that dog don't hunt.
The Dominion- Any species with Jeffery Combs in it is bad ass...
The Andorians- See? Also, feisty women that are blue. Bonus points for feisty women.
The Ferengi- Well, there's always an exception to every rule and not even Jeffery Combs made them seem threatening. Thinly veiled Ayn Rand critiques aside, these guys gave us Nog or as I like to call him "Wesley Part 2".
The Kazon- A stiff breeze is more threatening.
Species 84 blah blah bl- Oh so scary for like two episodes, then that one Starfleet academy episode sucks all the awesome out of them.
The Swarm- I love the Swarm. LOVE THEM. That's a scary ass villain race.
The Bolians- Fun loving fat dudes rule. Go Mr. Mot!
The Remen- A slave race created by somebody who A) Smoked pot, B) Played too much Vampire: The Masquerade, C) All of the Above? When Tom Hardy is scarier then your entire race, you suck.
The Tellerites- Pig faced and proud of it.
The Xindi- Normally I like my Al Qaeda metaphors with less bitch ass whining.
And finally, The Q- Where is my Ark of Truth when I need it? Why can't we get ride of these ass clowns?