Okay I finally, feel like I can stop worrying over the dang chapter! Yes I'm a freak.
Transwarp thank you, how is it you make me all teary? I am not a girl that gets all teary...
Transwarp wrote:Personally, I thought it was all fascinating and very believable, but there was so much information doled out that I can certainly detect a certain 'cerebrial' air to that section. There were over 3000 words in the shuttle ride to the surface (I just counted them), mostly about Vulcan customs and S'tal's relation to T'Pol's clan.
First of all I'm kind of shocked that you counted! But I think it's one of the sweetest things anyone has done in a review before. And I'll admit it right now,
I'm too wordy! I'll use ten words when I only need five. I am working on it, really I am. So you're perfectly right, some of this probably dragged on, but until I can get my brain to figure out how to not use so many words, (which I eventually will) I'm pretty satisfied with this.
Transwarp wrote:Then there are the 'non-cerebrial' parts of the story. The parts where we see the interactions between Trip and T'Pol, and get to see how they deal with their feelings and each other in a very trying time. This is where you shine.
Here is a brief description of the difference in the way Trip and T'Pol's grief was manifested:
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Grief came in solid waves for Trip. A crushing force that would hit then slowly recede over and over again. For T'Pol it was like the raging winds of a hurricane. They were constant and savage, and ripped through her leaving nothing but chaos, until a small eye came giving a short measure of time to mount a defense for the next phase.
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Wow. Clear, concise, and immediate. I feel the grief of them both and understand the difference in how they experience it. All from a single, short paragraph.
LOL At least I was concise about one thing!
Okay confession time, it wasn't all me, well it was... but not because I planned it that way. First of all, as I said my niece had just passed away when I started writing this chapter, so I could put the human terms of this grief pretty well. Then I watched a
Bones episode and the Psychologist was explaining that nobody is constantly grieving over a death. It comes in waves. Mourning is constant not grief. Now that might be a lot of bull, I'm not sure. But it worked for what I wanted.
As for T'Pol, she's a Vulcan in an emotional situation where her control will be limited no matter what she does. So it's sheer havoc. What forces of nature cause such havoc? Tornadoes and Hurricanes. And I liked the word hurricane better. It just flowed well.
Transwarp wrote:The next three paragraphs may be one of the best explanations of how (and why) Vulcans control their emotions that I have ever read:
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T'Pol went into his arms, hoping that his touch would make the reasons for the mass of conflicting emotions he was experiencing clear to her. She, quite illogically, envied humanity for the ability to control many different emotions all at once. Vulcans had to isolate each emotion from the others and process them one at a time. Years of training, hard work, and of course a Vulcan brain, made this process simple when one was surrounded by other Vulcans. But her years with humans had made it a constant struggle to isolate the constant bombardment of their disorganized emotions. Now that she was bonded to Charles, she wasn't just sensing this chaos, it was a part of her. The only thing that kept her from getting consumed was the faith she had that he would never let it happen.
Trip held her so closely that not even air could flow between them. He wished he could take his sling off, but he had promised Phlox to wait until tomorrow. His free hand stroked her lower back, and he pressed kisses to the top of her head. He was beginning to realize just how hard it was for her to be bonded with him. Whenever she sensed any emotional chaos from anyone, a primal survival instinct flowed through to him. For her, this chaos was as dangerous as a Klingon swinging a bat'leth at her head, whereas to him, it was just life. He knew he couldn't stop the chaos, for that was what it meant to be human.
He also knew she couldn't live without her emotions organized and in control. The smallest slip had the potential to destroy her, and one already nearly had. The aftermath of the Trellium-D had opened his eyes on how much she went through daily in order to do the job she believed in. What he learned made him regret some of the things he had done and said to irritate her, or the times when he refused to trust her. But now, being bonded to her was a whole other level of awareness. She had to understand why he was feeling certain things, or else she could not process them. If she could not process them, she could not control them, and if she could not control them, she was lost.
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It also makes very clear just how DIFFICULT being around humans is for Vulcans.
YEY! I honestly thought this part wouldn't go over well. The majority believe that the way Vulcans deal with emotions is merely deny and surpress. And in ENT they bent over backwards to make it
seem that way. It totally got on my nerves, and I've scared my cat often enough screeming at the TV about it. But in actuality, that isn't what Vulcans do at all. Watch TOS, or the Vulcan TNG episodes, or any of Tuvok's mentoring episodes, and you'll see they have very specific diciplines for emotional control. And those diciplines depend on knowing what the emotion is, how it was triggered, and why. Otherwise surpression and control is impossible. I've said it before and I'll say it again, when a Vulcan says...
I do not experience... they're saying they don't experience the emotion
in the same way a human does. Why would they? They're aliens. If they did experiences them the way we do, they wouldn't need the level of control they do to function.
And yeah another thing that annoys me to no end is when people say
T'Pol has been around humans long enough to know... Or
She should understand... And
She knows Trip well enough, they're bonded... Um...
There is a difference between "knowing" something and understanding how to react to it. Add in the fact that it is canon that Vulcans are empaths
without the touching, and a great many are also non-touch telepaths, and it is difficault for them to be surrounded by us messy humans. It was hard for Spock, it was hard for Sarek (and he had it easiest), it was hard for Saavik, it was hard for Tuvok, basically every Vulcan character we've ever seen has had some difficulty dealing with non-Vulcans, because by their definition, other species are so chaotic their instincts say they're a threat. It's a matter of physiology not merely culture, the Vulcan brain is not wired to opperate on the same emotional wavelength as 99% of the ST unvierse. And survival instinct coupled with the history of Vulcans before Surak, will make things hard.
Thanks for all the other stuff you liked but particularly this...
Transwarp wrote:- The section where T'Pau is pumping Archer for information is also well done, and is probably THE best depiction of a completely centered Vulcan I have ever read anywhere. Nothing Archer did or said rattled her. We rarely see such composure from Vulcans on TV or in the movies, either, heightening the rarity of this scene.
Thank God! Oh thank God, you liked this! I was literally
terrified writing the whole exchange! Because first of all I had to deal with Archer, and just about everyone expects his non-fans to make him into a bafoon, and I had to
not do that... And then in order to make my story work I had to make T'Pau older then ENT T'Pau (but they screwed themselves and made her too young) and finally, I wanted to make her the woman that would become so revered that we know. You just told me I succeeded! I need chocolate now...
Now for the parts you didn't really feel fit...
Transwarp wrote:- This telepathic exchange between the Vulcan twins seemed out of place to me:
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Salek and S'Troa were telepathically linked and could communicate with each other easily. Salek said, "Sir Tucker is fascinating."
"Indeed he is, perhaps he will also wish us to address him as Trip. Much about our way of life is changing, my brother."
"Va'Vuhnaya s'Va'Terishlar."
"Ma etek natyan-teretuhr lau etek shetau weh-lo'uk do tum t'on."
"Indeed."
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It was just suddenly there, out of the blue, and then nothing more from them. And we don't really learn anything useful from their observation. I'd say to either have MORE of them (we could probably learn some useful things about Vulcan from their observations of Trip) or nothing of them at all.
Well to be fair they weren't allowed to talk. They did once and big brother came down hard!
Don't worry they're coming back and we'll learn lots about how the new generation of this "Second Awakening" views what has happened, and the changes coming, and their hopes for relationships with other species. I just needed to introduce them here, for several reasons... 1. I needed to show the Kafeh family, and some dynamics there. 2. I was so worried the chapter would have gotten so depressing if I didn't lighten things up, that people would look for alcohol or sharp objects to dull the pain. (Yes dear
KotikI was thinking of you) 3. Who doesn't love twins? Kids are cute, pairs of them are better.
Transwarp wrote:- Trip's reaction here (heart pounding) seems out of place to the stimulus. It made me stop and wonder why. T'Pol was not surprised, or angry or sad. Just awkward and shy. Why would that get his blood racing?
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It didn't surprise T'Pol that T'Rai was pregnant, but she wondered why she wasn't told. "I was not aware you are expecting a child."
UG! Why didn't I think of that?????? I should have added that Trip's reaction was to T'Rai's pregnancy, not T'Pol being awkward. And that he was concerned T'Pol's reaction to the pregnancy was going to be bad. UG!!!!!!!!!! Why oh why did I see that.
As for T'Pol not being surprised at the pregnancy... It's typical for Vulcan couples to concieve during Pon Farr. So it wouldn't be a shock since S'Tal and T'Rai had their Pon Farr during T'Pol's wedding to Koss, that T'Rai was pregnant now. However, as I explained, tradition states that the matriarch of the clan be informed of all impending births. T'Rai and S'Tal didn't inform T'Pol immediately, that surprised her because they are stringent protocol keepers.
Transwarp wrote:- I think the section where T'Pol shows Trip the room made to look like his bedroom back on Earth went on a little too long. You had the initial surprise, and the 'Awww that's sweet' moment, but then you explained how she had done it and why she had done it and finding the right candles and... well, to me it just seemed unecessary to go into such detail.
That was just me having fun! Hey I figure I'm the author I'm allowed. It's okay if that part wasn't your cup of tea, I just did it for myself. I'm selfish that way.
Thanks again, I'm gonna e-mail my beta a copy of the review. Everyone else feel free to drop in with thoughts comments strong criticism it's all good!