Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Just what it says on the tin.

Moderators: justTripn, Elessar, dark_rain

User avatar
Alelou
Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
Posts: 7894
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:05 pm
Twitter username: @sheerhubris
Show On Map: No
Location: Upstate New York
Contact:

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Alelou » Sun May 18, 2014 6:02 pm

"and Malcolm seems a little too excited about spending some time alone with Travis" :clap:

Your review is arguably more entertaining than the episode -- minus those precious TnT moments, anyway.
OMG, ANOTHER new chapter! NORTH STAR Chapter 28
Image.Image
Read opening chapters free at Amazon (US): The Awful Mess: A Love Story
Blog: Sheer Hubris Press / Twitter: @sheerhubris / Facebook: Sandra Hutchison

User avatar
panyasan
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 2435
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 12:14 pm
Location: Farel moon, Dosa system

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby panyasan » Sun May 18, 2014 8:14 pm

Those TnT-moments made this episode for me. I even wrote a story about this episode from T'Pol's POV:

http://www.triaxiansilk.com/index.php?p ... ory&id=979
Love is a verb.

Chapter 17 of Word of Ice is up!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8522099/17/World-of-Ice

The Naked Truth and other necessities of life

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12056258/1 ... es-of-life

User avatar
Eireann
Lieutenant
Lieutenant
Posts: 99
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:33 pm
Show On Map: No

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Eireann » Sun May 18, 2014 9:39 pm

Oy, cut Malcolm some slack here. It's about the first time he's had a chance to do anything much bar 'plan where the curtains would go in the Situation Room'... no wonder he got all excited!
Image

putaro
Captain
Captain
Posts: 646
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 6:18 am
Show On Map: No
Location: Cupertino, CA
Contact:

Civilization

Postby putaro » Tue May 20, 2014 5:41 pm

Civilization

We open on the Situation Room with the crew showing that their scientific mission has absolutely no rhyme or reason to it as they work through a grab bag of systems (most of which could have been seen through telescopes before they got their and assigned a priority) with them deciding to go visit a planet with intelligent life.

Archer & Co. want to go interfere with these pre-warp people and T'Pol wants them to observe from orbit. Hmmm…wonder what they will do? The suspense is killing me.

Phlox is now applying random head bumps of the week to Hoshi when T'Pol detects neutrinos which would indicate some very high technology.

In the shuttlepod Archer, Trip and T'Pol have had their random head bumps applied though Phlox didn't think of putting something over T'Pol's ears. What do you expect from socialized medicine?

T'Pol and Hoshi are wandering through the city in hooded cloaks looking like something out of a vampire movie.

Archer and Trip have found the source of the neutrinos. Unfortunately the door is locked but Trip has lockpicks! He must be a hacker at heart. And while messing about inside the shop they get found by someone with a mini-crossbow. Cool! And after Archer tries some Jedi mind tricks on her without success we get the funniest line of the episode - Archer: "We're collectors, here to pick up an antique" Mysterious hooded woman - "A real collector would have waited until the shop was open" Boy, can't get anything past her! And T'Pol shows up and stuns her. Maybe she's learning cuz I still think she should have stunned Trip and the rest back on Terra Nova when they were acting up.

Archer takes Rian back to her place. Phase pistols are the Rohypnol of the 22nd century! Some more scintillating dialog and Archer has set up a second date.

T'Pol advises against alien abduction of the infected locals and Trip and Archer return to the shop to talk to the proprietor. And they all have scanners and bust each other for being illegal aliens. T'Pol's not along so rather than stunning the shopkeeper they get turned away without a look at his anti-matter reactor.

Archer goes to visit Rian and brings T'Pol along. Pro tip - bringing along another woman on your second date is not a good idea. T'Pol takes some surreptitious samples while Archer unwittingly helps Rian make tea. Back on Enterprise Phlox determines that the mysterious illness is really industrial disease (First Jesus says, I'll cure it soon, abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons).

Archer is on date three with Rian staking out the antique shop but going nowhere until his translator breaks down and he decides to kiss her to cover his messing with it. Now we follow Igor with a hand cart out of the city. Is that Abby Normal in the box? Oooh boy, somebody else's shuttle shows up and picks up the crates with a tractor beam. Someone shoots at them, Archer pulls out his phase pistol and tells Rian to stay behind (Man stuff honey). A little bit of Trek-fu and we've captured a disguised alien.

With a key found on the alien they head back to the antique shop and find a truly massive underground operation. Rian comes up to speed on the concept of user interfaces but picks the wrong button and the Malurian ship that has been hiding on the other side of the planet shows up to blast Enterprise. I think there's some problems with their orbital mechanics.

Rian and Archer are trapped in the underground control room while T'Pol and Trip have a pissing match and T'Pol attempts to pull rank. Rian and Archer manage to get out of the shop and start a firefight in the street with the Malurians. Trip transports the anti-matter reactor near the Maluran ship and T'Pol blows it up with a torpedo, knocking out the Malurians' shields.

Back on the planet, Archer takes Rian's advice and uses his phase pistol to blow up a lamp, knocking out the baddies. I used to use that trick in Doom all the time.

The Malurians are beaten and after giving Archer a nasty look, transport away. Hmmm…if they had a transporter, why were they sending down shuttles for their stuff?

Before leaving, Archer drops off some insta-cure and pauses for some snogging.

This episode gets an "OK" again from me. I think with a bit of script-doctoring it could have been a fun episode. The dialog was just so wooden, though, that it was not much fun. And no TnT, except when they're bickering.
Image

Weeble
Captain
Captain
Posts: 662
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:49 am
Location: NW Lower Michigan USA

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Weeble » Tue May 20, 2014 11:08 pm

Yippee! Excessive Snarkiness in this one. Well written!. I admit i do not even remember the ep,.....and now i don't have to. This looks like a 3 beer ep with Putaro's in depth analysis at hand.
It sounds as if this may have been one of the early episodes that helped create my general distain for Archer as a character while questioning Scott Bakula's skills as an actor.....(unnecessary insult - I know). Keep up the gray work Putaro.

Best snark line "Jedi mind tricks..."
RIP Tom, I will miss you, as will many others

putaro
Captain
Captain
Posts: 646
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 6:18 am
Show On Map: No
Location: Cupertino, CA
Contact:

Fortunate Son

Postby putaro » Wed May 21, 2014 5:17 pm

Fortunate Son



We open on a freighter speeding through space and a couple of guys tossing a football back and forth the length of a cargo hold and exchanging some really clunky dialog. Explosions and "Nausicans" are attacking. This episode needed to have Creedence Clearwater Revival as the opening music. But they didn't so I played it anyway.

Archer and Porthos get woken up by Admiral Forrest (one of my favorite characters) and sent off to respond to the Fortunate's distress beacon.

After some snark about recreation activities on slow boat freighters and babies produced there from, Enterprise arrives at the Fortunate which is dead in space. No one is answering the phone so Archer, Travis, Malcolm and Phlox head over in a shuttlepod. The Fortunate's crew explains they were attacked by pirates but are acting awfully shifty.

Oh, and now down in the cargo bay we find out why they're acting shifty - they have a Nausican prisoner.

Travis shows First Mate Shifty around the ship. They get down to Engineering and Trip shows off the Warp 5 engine but Shifty prefers slow and steady. He must enjoy the recreational activites. Travis and Shifty bond over lunch in the mess and Shifty reveals that his parents were killed on the North Star and he was survivor. Then he tweaks Travis about abandoning his home by joining Star Fleet and things go all frosty. Do you remember the Mel Brooks movie, History of the World, Part 1? It ended with "Jews in Space!" - looks like it came true and Shifty is laying a classic Jewish mother guild trip on Travis (Oy, you went off to college and never call).

Switch to kids running around Fortunate and T'Pol messing with their power settings. T'Pol demonstrates Vulcan flexibility in truth telling while misdirecting the kids in hide and seek. And then she finds something with her scanner. Archer has First Mate Shifty in his ready room and decides to hit him up about the Nausican that T'Pol found with her scanner. And I really need another beer to get through this episode. Fortunately, the convenience store is 24 hours - BRB!

Shifty and Archer get into an argument about jurisdiction and I really want Archer to bust out with "I am the law!" Oh well, didn't happen. Instead he threatens to remove all the spare parts that Shifty didn't want installed in the first place unless he gets to see the prisoner and Shifty caves.

But instead of caving he's planning to take Archer and Company hostage. Maybe the Nausicans had a stupid ray that they beamed the Fortunate because this is damned stupid. Shifty blasts a hole in the cargo container and cuts it loose. Then he shoots at Enterprise and goes to warp. At Warp 1.8. But Enterprise can't find them due to random gobbledygook so instead they go looking for the Nausicans.

Shifty beats some info out of his Nausican prisoner but doesn't have the stones to just kick him out the airlock. Oh well. Enterprise is now hot on their trail with Travis helping Trip fix the ship and dispensing Boomer wisdom.

Travis goes to Archer to ask him to back off. Archer, in full on idiot mode, 'splains to Travis that Fortunate blowing up the Nausicans would be a baaaad thing. Jon, let me introduce you to Season 3 Archer… And Travis is all grateful for Archer's condescending speech. Blech.

Fortunate has found the Nausicans and is going after them cargo containers and all. This is a fun bridge with one captain and one crewman. Uh oh, that asteroid is really a Nausican base ("That's no moon, it's a space station" - where is Ben Kenobi when you need him?) First Mate Shifty is sure that they can zap the Nausicans using the shield frequencies he beat out of the prisoner. Ooops, seems like he lied. Way to go Einstein, the Nausican was right, you do suck at interrogation.

The Nausicans kick the crap out of Fortunate and get ready to board to retrieve the prisoner. First Mate Shifty has everyone armed to fight off the Nausicans.

Enterprise shows up. Archer tells the Nausicans off but doesn't have the balls to actually hold the Nausicans accountable for their previous actions. Maybe First Mate Shifty should be commanding Enterprise and kicking Nausican butt. Now Travis has to get into the moralizing act and it's quite painful. The Nausicans retrieve their crewman without any more consequences for them.

The Fortunate's Captain (severely injured by Nausican pirates) is up and about and tries offering Archer some whisky but Mr. Straight & Narrow won't drink on duty. First Mate Shifty has been reduced to Able Crewman. And we end with a little Boomer angst about faster ships.

I didn't care for the smug moralizing in this episode, especially since it was the worst kind of "bleeding heart liberal" logic (and I say this as someone who identifies as "liberal"). The Nausicans attacked the Fortunate, a ship with small children on board, severely injured the Captain, stole something, and what consequences did they get? One of their crew got captured and beaten, but otherwise Archer let them off scott free. No wonder the Boomers aren't very excited about StarFleet showing up to save the day. The basic plot had a lot of room for excellence. Some snappier dialog and more moral ambiguity would have made the a great episode but I'm going to rate it an "OK"
Last edited by putaro on Thu May 29, 2014 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image

User avatar
Alelou
Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
Posts: 7894
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:05 pm
Twitter username: @sheerhubris
Show On Map: No
Location: Upstate New York
Contact:

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Alelou » Wed May 21, 2014 7:44 pm

OK??? I'd rate it as "Next!"

Good review, though. Now I think I know why I so prefer Third Season Archer.
OMG, ANOTHER new chapter! NORTH STAR Chapter 28
Image.Image
Read opening chapters free at Amazon (US): The Awful Mess: A Love Story
Blog: Sheer Hubris Press / Twitter: @sheerhubris / Facebook: Sandra Hutchison

User avatar
panyasan
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 2435
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 12:14 pm
Location: Farel moon, Dosa system

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby panyasan » Thu May 22, 2014 8:00 am

Shifty and Archer get into an argument about jurisdiction and I really want Archer to bust our with "I am the law!"


:lol: :evillol: I just got a picture in my head of Sylvester Stallone being Archer. (Erik H. would make a great Adrian).
Love is a verb.

Chapter 17 of Word of Ice is up!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8522099/17/World-of-Ice

The Naked Truth and other necessities of life

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12056258/1 ... es-of-life

putaro
Captain
Captain
Posts: 646
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 6:18 am
Show On Map: No
Location: Cupertino, CA
Contact:

Cold Front

Postby putaro » Tue May 27, 2014 6:04 pm

Cold Front

We open on Silik having "enhancements" being forcibly removed under the direction of Future Guy as punishment for not destroying the Klingon Empire. Harsh! And we cut just before the big needle goes into his eye.

This must be the introduction of "Movie Night" - Travis, Hoshi and Malcolm are spending plenty of time discussing it. "NIght of the Killer Androids" being shown on a space ship is getting pretty close to the premise of old Mystery Science Theater 3000. If they'd done that bit in the galley then I could go all meta with my own snark on their snark. Anyhoo...

Crewman Daniels is serving breakfast to Archer. I like Archer's salt shaker. I wonder if it's really a medical tool.

Enterprise finds another ship and hails them. The alien captain couldn't have been happier to see them if Archer had been wearing an "Elder Archer" nametag. With a shipful of religious pilgrims he may have gotten good at sensing that. And I don't know why Archer asks the alien captain his name by going "Mister…" Seems kind of insulting, especially coming from a guy who always introduces himself as "Captain Archer".

Archer greets the religious pilgrims at the airlock. Personally, I would have pretended no one was home, but that's just me. Though, if they were to show up with alcohol like these guys they'd be more welcome.

Pilgrims in the galley and it turns out the Phlox was sampling religions along with the cuisine on Earth. On the bridge, Malcolm is grousing about the two-bit tour including tactical systems. He goes off to check on the targeting sensors. Hoshi talks Travis into sitting in the big chair. Oops, busted!

Down in Engineering, Trip is giving a rather condescending lecture on how the warp engine works. Turns out one of the pilgrims is actually a warp field theorist. Considering that all the pilgrims arrived on a starship and Earth is relatively behind when it comes to warp technology, it seems pretty crass to assume that the pilgrims know nothing about warp engines. Heck, I could have given Trip's lecture and I only watch it on TV!

And one of the pilgrims (Silik) does something in the Engineering room while Trip is yakking. Uh-oh!

Now it's time to avoid a plasma storm. The tour is playing doctor in sickbay. I'm not sure why Phlox is so proud of the equipment. Isn't it primitive by Denobulan standards?

Lights start dimming around the ship as we go into the plasma storm and Crewman Daniels looks concerned! And an anti-matter cascade almost causes the warp reactor to blow. Now Phlox is off for a sleepover. Did you bring your jammies?

Trip has now found out that a critical conduit was disconnected that stopped the anti-matter cascade. Now it's time to find out who did it so that proper blame can be affixed.

Crewman Daniels buttonholes Archer in the corridor about the Suliban. And now Daniels starts to reveal that he's not just a regular crewman. Lots of flashy lights coming out of Daniels' iPod are very impressive to Archer. And we get clued in that Daniels is a time cop and that Future Guy is less future than Daniels. Ooh, and Daniels is from 900 years in the future, or 3056. He should be part of the Mystery Science 3000 gang! Though he doesn't appear to be very witty.

Daniels wants Archer to capture Silik. After much beating around the bush, Archer says "You're asking me to capture someone who saved my ship. Why should I trust you?" Daniels comes back with something about serving Archer the kind of eggs he likes when he should have said "SIlik also kicked your ass a while back. Isn't that a good reason to capture him""

Archer is telling Trip and T'Pol about Daniels and T'Pol is not convinced about Daniels or time travel. Archer is in awe of deh shiny but Trip shoots that down reminding him about the Xyrillians' holodeck. Jon, you may want to get a pregnancy test. Mr. Command Decisions tells TnT to help Daniels whether they like it or not.

TnT have a conversation in the elevator about time travel and Silik instead of snogging. Come on, get with it you two!

Phlox is back and excited about having sat through four hours of prayer and then ritual exercise. Archer is trying to figure out which one is Silik.

TnT are helping Daniels in Engineering and it's time to download the biometric parameters into the grid. Oooh, and Daniels has a walk-through walls gadget. Even T'Pol is impressed with that one!

Porthos is barking at Jon. Obviously it's because there's a Suliban in the room. Silik tries to convince Archer that he's really a good guy. But he's a Suliban. Maybe if he was an Allrightiban it would be OK, but it's not. Ooops, T'Pol lets the cat out of the bag over the intercom and Silik stuns Archer and takes off. Porthos prepares to eat Archer.

Down in the galley the plasma plume is about to erupt and Phlox and the pilgrims are reciting the Invocation of Renewal. "Yoraya. Yoraya. Hasenpfeffer Incorporated" - oops, wrong show.

Daniels is giving orders down in Engineering. Silik is in the room. And after everyone is evacuated, Silik zaps Daniels who shimmers (because he's all timey wimey) and then explodes. Trip goes off to locate the captain who's passed out in his cabin. Lay off the sauce Jon!

Down in Daniels' cabin Archer is looking for Daniels' iPod but he took off with that. The star is erupting, Trip can't find the Suliban biosigns and Silik is messing with the security systems. And Trip gave Archer the walk through walls gadget! Once more into the wainscoting dear friends!

Archer finds Silik and after some small talk it's time for Trek Fu! How many bruises will Archer get this time? Silik runs off. Archer catches up with him on the hanger deck and zaps the phaser out of his hand. Why didn't you just stun him? Silik has managed to open the hangar doors for a nice explosive decompression and Archer almost falls out of the ship then Silik goes ahead and jumps out. He gets picked up by the Cavorite Special which immediately goes to warp. Archer, recovering from explosive decompression, tells Malcolm not to follow the Suliban.

T'Pol drops by and Archer still hasn't figured out the clock he got as a present. After telling Malcolm to seal off Daniels' cabin, Enterprise gets back on the road. And we close with a tight shot on the mysterious cabin of Crewman Daniels.

Well, this wasn't as exciting as it was clearly meant to be but it wasn't terrible. The Suliban and the Temporal Cold War are still boring. I think I enjoyed Captain Fraddock the best. Where were Din Din and Flowy, though?
Last edited by putaro on Wed May 28, 2014 12:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image

User avatar
Transwarp
Captain
Captain
Posts: 551
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2008 3:37 pm
Show On Map: No
Location: Dallas, Texas

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Transwarp » Wed May 28, 2014 11:40 am

Yeah, the temporal cold war was not exactly Trek's brightest idea. But at least now we know it's a bad idea to be shot when you're all timey wimey!
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

User avatar
Alelou
Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
Posts: 7894
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:05 pm
Twitter username: @sheerhubris
Show On Map: No
Location: Upstate New York
Contact:

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Alelou » Thu May 29, 2014 1:02 am

I definitely prefer your review to the episode.

"Yoraya. Yoraya. Hasenpfeffer Incorporated" - oops, wrong show.
-- WHICH show?

Loved the line about Porthos preparing to eat Archer. Now that would not be very Trek. It happened on the X-Files once.

I remember this being one of the least inspiring episodes to write a missing scene EVER, partly because T and T both struck me as incredibly stupid in it.
OMG, ANOTHER new chapter! NORTH STAR Chapter 28
Image.Image
Read opening chapters free at Amazon (US): The Awful Mess: A Love Story
Blog: Sheer Hubris Press / Twitter: @sheerhubris / Facebook: Sandra Hutchison

putaro
Captain
Captain
Posts: 646
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 6:18 am
Show On Map: No
Location: Cupertino, CA
Contact:

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby putaro » Thu May 29, 2014 1:28 am

Alelou wrote:
"Yoraya. Yoraya. Hasenpfeffer Incorporated" - oops, wrong show.
-- WHICH show?


For some reason the opening to Laverne and Shirley just popped into my head while they were chanting. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated." (and I had to look it up because I couldn't spell any of those words and I always thought Hasenpfeffer was the name of the brewery)
Image

User avatar
Alelou
Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
Posts: 7894
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:05 pm
Twitter username: @sheerhubris
Show On Map: No
Location: Upstate New York
Contact:

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Alelou » Thu May 29, 2014 2:07 am

Ah, okay. I used to watch that sometimes, but I have no memory of the Hassenfeffer (yes, spelled wrong) part of it.
OMG, ANOTHER new chapter! NORTH STAR Chapter 28
Image.Image
Read opening chapters free at Amazon (US): The Awful Mess: A Love Story
Blog: Sheer Hubris Press / Twitter: @sheerhubris / Facebook: Sandra Hutchison

putaro
Captain
Captain
Posts: 646
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 6:18 am
Show On Map: No
Location: Cupertino, CA
Contact:

Silent Enemy

Postby putaro » Thu May 29, 2014 6:03 pm

Silent Enemy

Enterprise is dropping off some kind of doohickey in the middle of nowhere. It sounds like it's a subspace relay though, honestly, it doesn't make much sense to me that it would make a difference when they're right next to it since presumably Enterprise's subspace comms would be on par with the relay's so they should be receiving as well as the relay is. Now, when they get further away from the relay it would make sense. Oh well, moving right along. There's a ship dropping out of warp. It's kind of green. After listening to Archer yammer for a bit they warp away. Archer says to the bridge crew "Was it something I said?" - in my opinion, yes!

Archer has a crew meeting to get an affirmation that he didn't do anything wrong (I'm good enough, I'm strong enough and doggone it, people like me!). Hoshi and Archer have tracked down Malcolm's parents and Archer calls them up to find out Malcolm's favorite food. Dysfunctional does not even begin to describe his parents and they don't know what his favorite food is. OK, on to plan B. Assign it to Hoshi!

And one of my favorite lines pops out as Trip and Archer have a hallway conversation. Archer says "You missed T'Pol's latest bout with chopsticks" to which Trip answers "Damn, dinner and a show"

Trip and Archer yak some more about messages from home. Trip has gotten a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend Natalie. Maybe he should let T'Pol read it! More pedeconferencing and the conversation has shifted to Malcolm's dysfunctional family. Archer says "We don't know that much about Malcolm." Oooh, maybe he's a spy!

Our green space ship is back again. Archer calls them back. You know, if you talk loudly and slowly everyone understand English. Loud staticy noise assaults everyone on the bridge and then the aliens start shooting at Enterprise! Maybe the translator told them you're selling Amway, Jon!

The aliens take off, Malcolm has gotten some scans indicating there's 15 of them on board and Enterprise's weapons are still crap. Archer and T'Pol go to look at the damage from the attack and it's pretty bad. Archer wants to go back to Earth to install phase cannons but Trip and Malcolm want to build their own instead of going home. Logically speaking (and where is T'Pol when you need her) better offensive weaponry doesn't really change the fact that your hull is made out of tissue paper. And it's not like you even got a shot off with the torpedoes! Oh well…Archer has made a Command Decision and Enterprise heads back to Earth.

Malcolm and Trip are giving a pep talk to the Engineering/Tactical crew to get them to bust their humps putting together phase cannons.

Hoshi is pumping Malcolm's sister for info and her advice is "extra tentacles please". Hoshi continues working through her list of contacts. This is supposedly a secret from Malcolm but she's doing it on the bridge. Where Malcolm works. Guess the budget for sets was down that week. T'Pol tells Hoshi to just ask Malcolm already.

Hoshi catches up to Malcolm in the galley but he is deep in workaholic mode. She's trying to get him to open up by offering to cook for him but he's definitely taking it as a come-on. And Hoshi is all embarassed - it's nerd love in full bloom!

Oooh, and Enterprise is being followed and now the aliens are shooting as Enterprise again. The power is off and Enterprise still doesn't have emergency lights! Every display on the bridge appears to be off but T'Pol is still able to tell Archer that the launch bay doors are opening. He wants her to close them but she says "I can't do that Dave" as an alien shuttle craft comes on in.

Seriously, no emergency lighting in a metal box is pretty damn stupid. Archer and company are wandering around with flashlights looking for the source of some funny noises and they find the aliens doing hand flashy things to some people on the floor. Well, for once Archer and I are in agreement as he shoots at the aliens with his phase pistol. But the phase pistols aren't very effective.

The aliens take off back to their ship and leave with a parting shot to Enterprise's nacelles. We have two crewmen in sick bay recovering from their invasive scanning (is that a euphemism for anal probing?) and Archer decided to take his anger out on T'Pol. Trip calls from Engineering and tells Archer they're dead in the water for a couple of days.

Back on the bridge, T'Pol tells Archer there's no Vulcan ships near by. Travis helpfully tells Archer that Vulcan is only two days away at warp 6. Though, if it's going to take two days to fix the warp drive, why make them come all the way over? You know they're just going to give you attitude. And the tow bill is going to bankrupt Star Fleet!

Now Hoshi can't call Vulcan and it's because the relay has been destroyed. See what happens when you don't pay your long distance bill?

Cut to the armory and Malcolm is being pissy. And now he's giving Trip attitude because Trip doesn't want to jury rig the new cannon system. So much for rank in Star Fleet!

Archer comes down to Engineering to help. And now Archer wants more weapons and thinks he risked the lives of everyone on board by leaving without everything being online. Yep, and let's talk about that episode where you went chasing after an alien ship even though the torpedoes weren't working!

Malcolm and Trip are working on the phase cannons. Archer is very proud that they've gotten the phase cannons working so quickly so he lets Malcolm blow up an asteroid. The phase cannons work better than expected and now there's an anomalous reading in the launch bay. Down to the launch bay with phase pistols!

And they found a gizmo that putting out a lot of energy - 600 megajoules!! Which a lot of energy but earlier Malcolm was telling everyone the phase cannons were rated at 500 gigajoues, or about 800 times more. The gizmo is tapped into the comms everywhere so Archer gives a little speech to a Big Brother cam telling the aliens to take off or else. Then he takes a phase pistol to the high powered device. Reddy Kilowatt says "don't do this at home!"

The next scene is Hoshi entering sickbay to check on the badly burned Archer and company. Oops, it's just Pholox, I guess Archer got off easy. Hoshi is really there to grill Phlox about Malcolm's eating habits but he's no help. Oh wait, he has an idea and all it requires is Phlox breaking medical confidentiality to look up all of Malcolms allergies and medical records to find out that Malcolm is allergic to pineapple but takes anti-allergy shots presumably so he can eat it. You know, there was no reason to give that out, Phlox. You could have just said "I think he likes pineapple",

Alien ship is back and Archer's ready for a fight. They get a nastygram from the aliens that consists of pieces of Archer's last speech spliced together. Now, THAT is a deadly weapon!

Archer is excited to try out the new phase cannons. Now, Malcolm is not willing to take risks to blow up the aliens and Trip is coming up with whacky workarounds. Enterprise and the alien ship are playing chicken but in slow motion (seriously, they're only 5000 meters away when Archer and Reed start yakking and 1000 meters away when Enterprise finally fires on them a minute later. So 240 kph?)

This time the phase cannons kick butt. Enterprise puts the boot in with a couple of torpedoes and the aliens take off. Archer decides there's no reason to go home and blows off the plan to go back to Earth.

And it's birthday time in the armory. Beer and cake, my favorite! And pineapple IS Malcolm's favorite. And all it took was a complete invasion of his medical privacy to find out!

The high point of this episode was the Archer/Tucker interactions. They really felt like friends who knew each other. The random aliens of the week were disappointing. They were just a plot device with no effort to even show them as anything except a plot device. I'll give this one a "meh"
Last edited by putaro on Fri May 30, 2014 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image

User avatar
Alelou
Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
Posts: 7894
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:05 pm
Twitter username: @sheerhubris
Show On Map: No
Location: Upstate New York
Contact:

Re: Putaro's Enterprise Rewatch Reviews & Snarkfest

Postby Alelou » Fri May 30, 2014 12:28 am

Yup, meh. They lost audience in this stretch, they really did.

Maybe the translator told them you're selling Amway, Jon!


That line especially made me laugh out loud. Fun review!
OMG, ANOTHER new chapter! NORTH STAR Chapter 28
Image.Image
Read opening chapters free at Amazon (US): The Awful Mess: A Love Story
Blog: Sheer Hubris Press / Twitter: @sheerhubris / Facebook: Sandra Hutchison


Return to “General Chat”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests