Silence

[Silverbullet]

I like many (but not all) men like Silence at a meal. We don't want conversation, just total silence.

My wife wants to talk during a meal. She inhales her food so is finished far faster than I am. So, she wants to talk. I try to cut it off by not anwering. Doesn't work. She used to claim I tuned her out (t(true) now with my Hearing aids I can really tune her out. Just have to wait until her head is turned for a moment and turn the hearing aids off. I have learned when to cluck in the right places. she natters along.

I also, liie many men want silence when I am watching a TV program: "Through the Wormhole" on the Sci channel is a favorite. I don't want talk then.

One time I threw my wife and daughter out of the living room because they were talking while I was trying my best to hear an Opera.

I worked for years alone in a Vault. I am used to silence, I like it.

Wife thinks that silence is a wasted moment that could be filled with chatter.

Anyway, Silence at meals is a must. But my wife insists on talking to me while I am trying to eat in peace. I might be thinking of many things but that takes silence too.

Does anyone else have this problem?

SB

[Cogito]

Silverbullet, it sounds as if you would fit right in with the vulcans at meal time.

And you live in a hot, arid climate.

Hmmm, these similarities are starting to stack up ...

[Distracted]

I must be Vulcan, too, then. Silence is precious to me. I hate to talk while I eat. It's the only quiet time I get all day. Otherwise it's non-stop. "Doc, I'm sick...Doc, here's a lab result...Doc, can you tell me what to do with this...Doc, there's a patient on the phone for you...Doc, there's a doctor on the phone for you...Doc, there's a pharmacist on the phone for you...Doc, here's another lab result...Doc, there's a patient waiting to see you...Doc, my toe hurts and I need some Lortab...Doc, I'm really stressed and I need some Xanax...Doc, I can't focus in class and I need some Adderall...Doc, I've had sniffles for three days and I need an antibiotic..." ARRGH.

It never ends. It's especially annoying when I go to lunch in the employee kitchen and my boss wants to come in and talk to me while I'm eating... about work. Excuse me... I'm off the clock! Let me eat in peace![/rant]

Whew. I think that one belongs on the Whine thread!

[Silverbullet]

Dis, you do have a problem.

Silence at mealtimes for me also means NO TV running. My wife loves to watch the Tube while eating. She eats facing the Set, me I have my back turned to it.She says look at the Set, look at that.I cannot get turned around nor do I want to. So, set should be off but my wife prevails.

Mealtime should be a time of silence. So once can enjoy his/her food. Taste it without having to swallow it fast to answer a question or remember a name. Time for that later.

At work it is hard to control. If one eats in the Lunch room there are always people who want to sit at the table with you and that means a conversation.

So I am Vulcan at mealtime. They are on to something.

SB

[Distracted]

Everyone needs down time. I don't know how my kids do it. They're always plugged in every second of the day with those earphones, listening to music as if their life requires a sound track. I'd go insane.

I'm an introvert in a job meant for extroverts. At the end of the day I need time alone to think or I get cranky. Always have. When my kids were little I came up with something that helps, though. My family expects me to take hour-long baths. I've trained my kids to leave me alone during that time or risk getting an eyeful of naked Mom - a sight sure to scar them for life if you take their word for it. (Hubby doesn't mind, but I make him leave me alone, too... ) It's not the bath I need the most, though, it's the quiet time to think.

[Weeble]

and they wonder why i fish.

Most of you seem to be warm weather types, but I am not. I can't think of anything more calming than fishing with the two handed flyrod in the winter. No sane person out there. lots of time to just concentrate on making a smooth cast and a swing with the fly. Fish tend to be few and far between, but its people quiet. The rivers, wind, and critters make noises. Eagles just soar around and sometimes ya just stop and watch them. A few snowflakes can complete the day. Oh well, its almost time for summer nocturnal brown trout. it can be peaceful as well...

[Silverbullet]

Main thing is the quiet. Being allowed to be alone in your thoughts. It is not that a person doesn't want or need their family or others it is just they also need that time alone.

My time is first thing in the morning. I am up a couple hours before my wife. I can sit and think over a cup of coffee. I love to just think. Some of my stories have come out of the morning quiet.

Many do not understand this need for quiet. My wife is one of them. She starts to talk the instant she enters a room and doesn't shut up. It is left to me finally to walk out.there are times she will follow me still yapping.

I have one sure hideaway, the Toilet. I can sit on the Can and she cannot come in. But that place is the library and for reading magazines, etc.

Most frustrating thing is to have a thought going and bingo, interruption, that breaks the train of thought which cannot be regained.

The big problem is the hurt looks and tone one gets when one insists on some down time alone. Like Dis in her Bath.

SB

[Distracted]

Here's one thing you can do, SB. Put together a little sand and rock garden in a flat bonsai planter and sit in front of it with your eyes closed. Maybe sit in front of a little cubby with the sacred image of your choice set in a place of honor, or buy prayer beads or a rosary and use them. She'll leave you alone. It might freak her out a little if you haven't in the past been the spiritual type, but you'll get your silence and she can't get upset with you.

[Silverbullet]

Once had some Muslim Preayer Beads. Made of semi precious stone. They were called Worry Beads in the Muslim world. one would see Muslim Men with them Mine were stolen when someone broke iin to my apartment in London and cleaned me out. Oh yes, these beads were made of Amber.

I suppose I could set up a small thing for Baste (Egyptian Cat Goddess) my favorite Goddess. Unfortunately, I don't have the figure I want. I just have a Cat with a Gold ring in its ear and a gold necklace on it. But would do. The Figure I wanted was a Human woman's body with a Cat's head on it. A Magazine I subscribed to had a whole lot of Egyptian Gods and Goddesses with human bodies and animals heads on them. Horus, my favorite male Egyptian God had a Hawks head on a male body. What I have is a Hawk with a Egyptian headress on it.

SB

[Cogito]

"Doc, I'm sick...Doc, here's a lab result...Doc, can you tell me what to do with this...Doc, there's a patient on the phone for you...Doc, there's a doctor on the phone for you...Doc, there's a pharmacist on the phone for you...Doc, here's another lab result...Doc, there's a patient waiting to see you...Doc, my toe hurts and I need some Lortab...Doc, I'm really stressed and I need some Xanax...Doc, I can't focus in class and I need some Adderall...Doc, I've had sniffles for three days and I need an antibiotic..."

That sounds horrendous. I'm another person who needs peace and quiet (my job is basically to sit and think) and I couldn't be doing with people pestering me all day. It's bad enough dealing with the welter of emails and IMs and phone calls when I'm at my desk trying to work.

Have you tried keeping some really nasty tasting placebo with you?

Or, ...

Sorry, I haven't got my coat on. I'm not allowed to treat you unless I have my white coat on. Sorry, you know I'd help if I could, but I don't make the rules ...

Perhaps you could come past the surgery tomorrow? I think there may be a spot at 05:45, but you might need to wait a little while ...

[Alelou]

SB, would it help your wife if you had some regular time you devoted to really listening and paying attention to and talking with her, in return for some 'quiet time'? And does she have any outside friends? Sounds like she's lonely. If all she gets is the impression that she's driving you crazy, she's obviously going to feel hurt.

Some people just can't stand silence. I don't get them, but that's their deal.

Then there is my mother, who can't stand not vacuuming and cleaning while she's visiting. She's vacuuming right now. Oh well. I had a grueling morning with the doctor having annoying and painful tests that will undoubtedly just tell me I'm right on schedule developing normal middle-aged crud and I'm just not going to clean house right now.

[Distracted]

Shhhhh.... I'm hiding in the bathroom at work.

Ahhh. The silence. Nice.

Alelou is right, SB. Your wife may be lonely. Does she have any friends to talk to or are you her only social outlet? Maybe she needs to find an online discussion forum.

[Asso]

Between wife and husband, do not put your finger.

Seriously, married life, I think, is made of words and silences. I think both should be used, at the right time and in the right way. But if we understand one another, the word of the one can be the silence of the other. And vice versa.