short fic challenge: How Mary Sue Saves Enterprise!

[Linda]

In 200 words or less, write a story about an original character of yours (male or female) who boards Enterprise and saves the ship from distruction. S/he outdoes all the regular crew in this and perhaps also steals the heart of one of them. The story can be longer than 200 words, but each 'chapter', must be in a separate comment.

Anybody game?

[CoffeeCat]

HAHA! I'll do it, LOL!

My Mary Sue will seduce Archer, Trip, and Mayweather, become best friends with Hoshi & T'Pol and with the help of Phlox, make Reed finally discover that he's gay! And then I'll make them all look like blithering idiots when I come up with a solution to the alien!ofthe!week(tm)

[Distracted]

Hmmm. Sounds like we'll need to put an NC-17 disclaimer on this thread.

[Asso]

I would prefer something able to drive Reed to understand that Hoshi exists!

[CoffeeCat]

I would too, but not in a Mary Sue story. In a mary sue story the only goal is to make the reader gag. Maybe I'll end up having Mary Sue play matchmaker with Archer and T'Pol and then she can have Trip and Reed to herself in a love triangle (wretch). And she can still be best friends with Hoshi.

[Distracted]

OOOOO-kay. That's disturbing.

Here goes nuthin...

Mary Sue Saves the Day
By Distracted
Rating: G
Genre: Unbelievably bad action adventure
Summary: Ensign Mary Sue Lovelace, Enterprise's newest crew member, shows what she's made of.

XXXXXXXXX

The beautiful raven-haired young ensign entered the mess hall, turning heads as she chose a cup of tea and a bowl of fruit for breakfast. Ensign Travis Mayweather's jaw dropped. He elbowed Ensign Sato, who was sitting next to him mooning over Lieutenant Reed--her usual breakfast occupation. She gave Travis an irritated look.

"What?"

"Who's THAT?" he asked her, already sounding completely besotted. He had a silly grin on his face and was dribbling his coffee on his shirt trying to watch the new crewmember as she crossed the room.

"Her?" Hoshi responded, shrugging. "That's just Ensign Lovelace. She just came aboard. She's some sort of astronavigation wizard...supposed to help us chart the Expanse and avoid the anomalies."

The young woman had a crowd around her now. Even Lieutenant Reed was at her table. Hoshi sighed wistfully.

"I guess I've lost him now. She's just so beautiful..."

Suddenly, the Tactical Alert siren began to sound.

"All hands to battle stations. We are under attack by the Xindi. Ensign Lovelace to the bridge."

Travis and Hoshi did spit-takes with their coffee, and then rushed from the room. Ensign Lovelace joined them in the lift.

"What's going on?" asked Travis.

"The captain wants me to try a technique I've been working on to use anomalies as weapons," replied the beautiful young woman capably. She smiled at both of them. They couldn't help but smile back. She was just so perky and cute.

They exited the turbolift. Captain Archer looked relieved.

"I'm so glad you're here, Ensign Lovelace! It's all up to you! Our hull plating is almost gone and our weapons aren't operational! Can you help us?"

Mary Sue smiled confidently, stepping up to Commander T'Pol's console. The Vulcan stepped back with respect in her eyes. She knew competence when she saw it.

"I'll do my best, sir!" vowed Mary Sue. And then she got to work.

In short order she'd recruited tachyon particles and diverted them to the hull plating, attracting an anomaly. Before the anomaly could engulf the ship, she immediatly reversed its polarity, and it changed directions, swallowing up the attacking Xindi vessel without a trace. Captain Archer rushed to her side.

"You did it, Ensign! I'm so proud of you!" He smiled at her adoringly, as if she were his own daughter. Everyone crowded around her, congratulating her. Ensign Mary Sue Lovelace smiled happily. She would always remember the day she saved Enterprise!

The End

[TPoptarts]

[Dinah]

Wow, great job! 200 words or less and I want to smack Ensign Lovelace straight into the next galaxy. Maybe Hoshi and some of the other ladies could help her find her way "accidentally" into an airlock.

[JadziaKathryn]

Good one, Distracted! I really like this: "The Vulcan stepped back with respect in her eyes. She knew competence when she saw it." Good parody stuff here.

[CoffeeCat]

"Lovelace"

LOL

[JadziaKathryn]

Okay, here's mine. Subtle it's not.

Mary Sue Saves the (Crew of the) Enterprise

Phlox hadn’t smiled in two weeks, as the crippling mutative virus resisted his every effort at a cure.

Crewman Mary Sue Everywoman came in. “Lieutenant Reed is approaching critical. If we don’t find a cure soon we’ll lose him.”

“And the rest of the crew.”

“You’re immune. Can’t your physiology inspire you?”

“I’ve already tried that.”

“Mean Vulcans! You didn’t help my daddy!” Phlox sighed. Captain Archer’s hallucinations were always disruptive.

“I’m surprised you’re not exhibiting any symptoms, Crewman.”

“Oh, I feel just awful, but I’m keeping myself going by sheer willpower.”

“Admirable.”

“It’s strange, though. I think Ensign Mayweather is hallucinating now, but he doesn’t say anything except ‘Aye sir. Warp three point five.’”

“How is that strange?” After all, Mayweather hardly ever said anything else.

“Good point.”

“Are any engineers still working?”

“No, but in my spare time I pop down and check on things. I was thinking, though: what if you used a combination of miraclium, madeupazine, and Denobulan antibodies?”

Phlox smiled for the first time in two weeks. “Why didn’t I think of that? They’ll be healthy in no time. Crewman, you just saved the Enterprise!”

She smiled. “I do what I can.”

[Kevin Thomas Riley]

My God, these are awful!

Good job!

[JadziaKathryn]

My God, these are awful!

Good job!

Well, there are two sentiments one hardly ever sees together. I think, what with your reviews and all, you should try one, KTR!

[Distracted]

"Lovelace"

LOL

I thought you'd catch that, CoffeeCat, as fond of the naughty bits as you are. I did it just for you. Just think of her as a girl after great-great-great-great-gramma Linda's own heart, with all the hereditary talents the name Lovelace implies. We'll call it a G rated story with NC-17 subtext.

I think Ensign Mayweather is hallucinating now, but he doesn’t say anything except ‘Aye sir. Warp three point five.’”

“How is that strange?” After all, Mayweather hardly ever said anything else.

[Linda]

These first two ARE great! And, Oh, after that first one, I am changing my first name, grumble, grumble.

Here is my contribution - exactly 200 words:

She strode onboard, threw her bag at Archer (which he deftly caught) and took a solid spread leg stance, hands on hips. “Mary Sue Fixitall reporting for duty.”

Malcolm whispered to Trip “I hear she also spreads those legs for one favorite to relax after saving the day.”

“Stop drooling on my shoulder, Malcolm,” whispered Trip. “I hear she only spreads them for engineers and captains.”

All the crew in dress uniforms stood at attention wide-eyed as the new commander on TAD spoke: “So this is the great ship Enterprise. We will see if it lives up to its reputation. Where’s my stateroom, Captain…whats your name?”

“Archer. Didn’t Admiral Gardner tell you?”

“Probably. Where is my stateroom?”

“This way, Ms. Fixitall.” Archer stamped off down the companionway, not too happy, but Gardner had warned him to be nice to her or he would be stripped of his command. “And we don’t have staterooms,” he muttered.

“Wait, I have it!” said Ms Fixitall. “Just push the button on this panel! My work here is done!” And she snatched her bag back and strode off the ship.

“Curses! I must cancel the wine I ordered to my quarters from Chef,” grumbled Archer.