Okay here's my thing, I wrote a story (not ST) were one character was raped, and another had a close call. I did
not describe these events in any way. To me there was just no reason why graphic description is necessary for stories that deal with it. But it was a logical way to explain not only the Villian (who has major impulse control problems and is a total psycho) but also the actions of the women he hurt, and their motivations.
There are two ways to deal with the subject. The first is to focus on the act. These stories that describe in detail the violation of women are extremely offensive to me personally. So, baring that in mind
I don't read them. If I stumble on to them, I click the back button. The second way to deal with the subject is to focus on the consequences. And I've seen many stories that do justice to the characters, and have learned a lot.
You know in my other fandom we have a guideline,
If you know that you personally do not like something... be it a paring, a catagory, whatever; then
avoid it. Don't go reading something you already know you hate, then rant at the author, (and people who enjoyed the story) it's just wrong. If someone you know and trust tells you they've seen a story that may make you have a new perspective, by all means branch out. But going and deliberately reading what you already know you don't like than attacking people afterwards is rude and unecessary.
Nobody in any fandom forces anyone else to read their work or even comment on it. So there is no reason to launch attacks at anyone who writes something you don't personally care for.
Legitimate constructive criticism is PRICELESS, we all thrive on it. If a story doesn't work for someone they should be able to thoughtfully and respectfully explain why. But ranting about something that just isn't your thing is useless to everyone, including yourself. Because it isn't going to change the author's or other readers opinions.
You know I just remembered a review I got from a guy at the KOTOR site who absolutely
hates a pairing I particularly adore. I mean this man
loaths it. He's one of the SW's people that worship at the alter of George Lucas, BUT if George Lucas wrote this particular pairing himself, this guy would still hate it. That said, he left me with a review that was basically respectful, even if it did call me a bad writer. I figure I'll share it with you all...
Jeedai wrote:At first glance this chapter looks interesting enough. For example having Canderous musing about his past and the Mandalorians is a nice touch, even if it seem a bit of a white-wash of his clan. The remainder is a bit more doubtful
(I'll get to that). I can see that you seem to be trying to create some common ground between, and I don't quite think it works.
The chapter flows well enough and is fairly easy to read. However, I couldn't help but notice this:
Even if in Mandalorian years he was only five years older that Carth, it was still a huge age gap.
The minimum age for Canderous in Kotor is 53 Mandalorian years. So he would be a minimum of 15 years older than Carth. Since Canderous is canonically 63 Mandalorian years in kotor2, it seem likely that he would actually be around 58 Mandalorian years in Kotor and thus about 20 years Carth's senior.
Like I said earlier, I do think that there are some serious issues with this chapter (I'll try to keep it brief, but explanations has a way of resulting in long posts). Basically, what you attempt doesn't work because they are both highly out of character (OOC) here. For these two to get to the point where they would even consider confiding in one another would take a lot of careful characterization, none of which is evident in your story. The very brief exchange in an earlier chapter is nowhere near enough for them reach this point.
In a sort of order:
Canderous already did his musings about his past in-game (all the stuff up to and including Jaqi). Having him do so again, I think is not only contrived but also out of character. It would have worked before Canderous knew the pc was Revan, but not after, as he has his purpose, and meaning in life (following Revan).
Canderous' musings about the Clans being unethical doesn't really make any sense given his comments in the game. I think you are trying for an inner soft core in Canderous, but his comments and manners in the game make that interpretation unfounded and even contradicted by the game.
Canderous never shows the slightest interest in what any non-Mandalorian thinks,
so having him confide his inner thoughts in someone he doesn't trust or respect, like Bastila, (or any Jedi, possibly not even Revan) doesn't work and is also highly OOC for him.
Having him muse about Bastila's fiery spirit doesn't work either, as he judges people on what they think or believe (as is evident from his comments to Juhani, Bastila, Carth, and about the Jedi), not their fighting skills. Likewise it is OOC for him to think of Bastila, or any Jedi, except Revan, as a warrior. Their pacifism means he won't see them as such. Revan he can respect because Revan disobeyed the Jedi and the Jedi tenets, and cannot be considered a pacifist.
I noticed that you use some tired old ideas; that Canderous somehow have an issue with Xor, the raiders on Dantooine, and the Mandalorians on Kashyyyk,
that Bastila and Canderous argued a lot, and the Bastila is, for some reason, lonely after the Star Forge. While some of them may even be semi-fanon, they are all wrong.
Given Canderous own comments about taking them while they are young, there is nothing in the game to indicate that he despise Xor.
Canderous' only issue with the raiders on Dantooine is that they don't attack a worthy target (the Jedi). He is unconcerned that they raid and kill the farmers, since it is up to the farmers to protect themselves.
On Kashyyyk, his issue is that he recognise them as deserters from battle. He never says or do anything to suggest that he find attacking unarmed opponents a problem.
Consequently, having him think so is either unsupported by the game or contradicting it, and therefore OOC.
In a similar vein, in their banters both Carth and Bastila explicitly tell Canderous that they won't talk to him anymore about these things. So suggesting that Bastila and Canderous would continue to argue after that is nonsense, especially considering that Bastila acknowledges to the player that she has difficulties controlling herself. She is not going to find anything Canderous say stimulating, as his beliefs does not differ very much from those of the Sith. She would not seek out Canderous and it is highly doubtful he would bother seeking her out, since he doesn't respect her beliefs and by extension her.
Finally, the strange notion that Bastila would somehow be lonely and uncared for after her fall and redemption is completely ridiculous. She is surrounded by friends such as Juhani, Jolee, Carth and Revan. Besides them, there is the Order, several of which expresses concern for her in the game. Suggesting that Bastila should be lonely while surrounded by potential friends is nonsense and extremely contrived. She has plenty of people to turn to, people who care for her. She would never have any reason to consider confiding in Canderous.
There are other issues with the characterization of Bastila. As Canderous doesn't actually change the slightest in a better direction by the end of the game, she is going to have no sympathy or interest in seeking him out, regardless of what he feels. Having her suddenly be intrigued because he feels some regret and having her then seeking him out, asking him what is wrong, is contrived (and OOC).
The game makes it clear - with her comments and banters - what she thinks of things that Canderous approves of, so Bastila suddenly showing interest in or respect for the culture leading to those values isn't realistic.
Their banter, and their talk on Taris, also makes it clear what she think of him, and she does consider him like Xor, the raiders of Dantooine and Kashyyyk. His lack of change means that she has no reason to change her opinion of him.
The final scene with the loyalty is kind of nice, but it fails like the rest for them being OOC. She has no reason to know about or care about Mandalorian culture and customs, and certainly not perform anything with Canderous.
Sorry for the length. While I can see that you tried to create some common ground, it failed because of massive OOC. Just try to rename the two characters in this piece, and they become unrecognizable as anyone from the game. That is not good characterization.
Do I agree with this? Absolutely not! I never will, I have an entirely different read on
both the characters in question. But I realize that there is absolutely
nothing I can ever do or say to change his mind. That said, this is a respectful review. And if you're going to comment on something you couldn't stand than this is a pretty good guideline.
, to good people. I think when you open the Pandora's Box of the human narrative - the story of the human existence, you get a lot of darkness along with a lot of light. It is in the depth and darkness and reach of those shadows that are cast that the truth of life and the substance of experiencing it are really illuminated. Look at this last season of 