Star Trek: the new movie.

[thecursor]

not matter how wrong they are.

Don't poke the bear, man. We'll start all over.

If you are a guy I think you might be the FIRST man I have ever "heard" call Kirk a "man-whore" most men I know just grin and say go man go.

I'm a guy and like a growing number of men, I no longer find raw numbers to be a pure measurement of pimptitude. Don't get me wrong, Kirk's accomplishments are quite excellent as raw data, but honestly when you hold them up to their environmental factors, the pimp-math don't add up.

For one thing, he's a space captain with the fastest ship in the fleet and hundreds of people at his beck and call, thus combining the two most attractive traits in the swinging single world: a sweet ride and uncontrolled power, two things which some women positively cannot resist. Add to the fact that he's actually quite attractive and rather intelligent and well, of course he's going to get some. Duh.

If you take two supermodels and put them on a double date with Brad Pitt and some guy who lives in his mom's basement, it's not a surprise that Brad gets laid. He's Brad Pitt. What would be impressive would be if that guy who lives with mom manages to score with his supermodel while Brad is in the room at his mom's house. That's pimptitude.

Alpha Males like Kirk getting laid are less an achievement and more a law of nature. I root for the underdog.

Then you factor in the quality of women he's notching on his head board. All in all, mostly he scores with the easy ones. The women he's nabbed on the show fell between the "I'm a man eating alien queen who likes red hot Iowa Beef!" or "I'm a shrinking violet librarian with no knowledge of sexual contact, teach me spaceman!" Seriously, hunting becomes a lot easier when all the deer have bells on them. It's not even hunting, it's like those stupid British fox hunts where the dogs and the serfs you let clean your boots drive all the foxes into a small tree and then you shoot them with your big elephant gun before retiring to some brandy. Where's the challenge? Trip had to WORK to land T'Pol, James Bond once bagged a girl the same movie he killed her fiancee. HER FIANCEE! He kills the guy in the opening credits, she vows revenge, spends the whole movie threatening his life, yet he still grabs the brass ring. THAT'S impressive.

Kirk is pimp, but his level of pimp is greatly exaggerated.

As we said, Galia is the slutty roommate. Don't get me wrong, she seems like a genuinely nice person and assuming she escaped getting blowed up (she did, people that hot just don't get killed) I bet she'd eventually settle down with some nice normal guy. But she's an Orionian, and their entire mission in life is to have as much wild kinky sex as physically possible. She took one look around her graduating class and asked herself "Who have I not slept with?", Kirk being Kirk looks just as good to an Orion girl as that Cardassian kid that mumbles to himself or the fat Bolian.

Meanwhile when confronted with Uhura, a woman with half a brain, Kirk gets stymied over and over again when that bad boy charm falls flat.

As to Galia's status in Starfleet, the Writers have stated she is Orion and that she had a back story (rescued slave) though her optimism and peppiness remain rather out of place. Is she like one of those celebrity adoptions? Like some 23rd century version of Madonna said "Look how cute and green, can I have one?" She did seem a little spoiled.

[Eian Flannagan]

HOLY HELL, dude!!! That is the best post I've read in freakin' ages!!!

[JadziaKathryn]

Regarding the "Orion"...

Since Enterprise is supposed to be canon in the new movie's universe (Nero arrived AFTER Enterprise, so....) and the adventure with the Orion bimbos taking over the ship is canon, for some reason I find the idea of Starfleet allowing an Orion female to join its ranks massively asinine. Because of this, I prefer to think of the young woman as a green skinned human following the latest artificial tanning craze.

Wanna drive the boys wild? GO GREEN!

You know, this makes a lot of sense. Because, apparently, males just drooled like mad over the Orions in "Bound."

So, some years later, the reports on the "Bound" incident are declassified, and it sparks a new craze. Kirk is a fan.

Yes, well, what the writers say isn't actually canon. But I suppose you could go with it, except there are still those pheromones, you know?

Is she like one of those celebrity adoptions? Like some 23rd century version of Madonna said "Look how cute and green, can I have one?" She did seem a little spoiled.

That's great!

[WarpGirl]

I agree with you totally. But I also believe that there are Alpha males out there that defy the as many women as possible stereotype. But yeah that was perfect.

[Aquarius]

Kirk is pimp, but his level of pimp is greatly exaggerated.

Kirk's spinning rims spin counter-clockwise. He is not pimping.

[thecursor]

Didn't like a hundred or so years pass between ENT and TOS/Abrams TREK? Plus the thing that's always bugged me about trek is how stereotyped a lot of the alien races can get. You mean there isn't one Klingon who wants to pick flowers? Why not just one Orion Slave Girl who didn't want to use her boobies to take over the universe?

That's why I like Galia so much, unlike that evil hot witch D'Nesh....Galia only used her boobies for good, never evil.

[WarpGirl]

AMEN! Actually, I'm not an Archer fan but one episode of his I liked was Judgement. I LOVED his lawyer, he said 'Not all Kligons are warriors, my mother taught biology, my father was a teacher, they encouraged me with law.' Paraphased that BTW. I am so sick of all Ferangie's being money mongers, I know Nog isn't but still... Cardassians are bigoted genocidal maniacs, Klingons are bloodthirsty war mongers, and so on. An Orian woman SHOULD be able to be something different. I Remember a TNG episode where a poor kid had to pass as a Vulcan because his grandfather was a Romulan. Why? Because all Romulans are evil of course. WHAT! This is Star Trek I know it takes time but the point is to inclued ALL spieces together in harmony. Now will that happen? No. But individuals shouldn't be stereotyped.

[Lady Rainbow]

not matter how wrong they are.

Don't poke the bear, man. We'll start all over.

If you are a guy I think you might be the FIRST man I have ever "heard" call Kirk a "man-whore" most men I know just grin and say go man go.

I'm a guy and like a growing number of men, I no longer find raw numbers to be a pure measurement of pimptitude. Don't get me wrong, Kirk's accomplishments are quite excellent as raw data, but honestly when you hold them up to their environmental factors, the pimp-math don't add up.

For one thing, he's a space captain with the fastest ship in the fleet and hundreds of people at his beck and call, thus combining the two most attractive traits in the swinging single world: a sweet ride and uncontrolled power, two things which some women positively cannot resist. Add to the fact that he's actually quite attractive and rather intelligent and well, of course he's going to get some. Duh.

If you take two supermodels and put them on a double date with Brad Pitt and some guy who lives in his mom's basement, it's not a surprise that Brad gets laid. He's Brad Pitt. What would be impressive would be if that guy who lives with mom manages to score with his supermodel while Brad is in the room at his mom's house. That's pimptitude.

Alpha Males like Kirk getting laid are less an achievement and more a law of nature. I root for the underdog.

Then you factor in the quality of women he's notching on his head board. All in all, mostly he scores with the easy ones. The women he's nabbed on the show fell between the "I'm a man eating alien queen who likes red hot Iowa Beef!" or "I'm a shrinking violet librarian with no knowledge of sexual contact, teach me spaceman!" Seriously, hunting becomes a lot easier when all the deer have bells on them. It's not even hunting, it's like those stupid British fox hunts where the dogs and the serfs you let clean your boots drive all the foxes into a small tree and then you shoot them with your big elephant gun before retiring to some brandy. Where's the challenge? Trip had to WORK to land T'Pol, James Bond once bagged a girl the same movie he killed her fiancee. HER FIANCEE! He kills the guy in the opening credits, she vows revenge, spends the whole movie threatening his life, yet he still grabs the brass ring. THAT'S impressive.

Kirk is pimp, but his level of pimp is greatly exaggerated.

As we said, Galia is the slutty roommate. Don't get me wrong, she seems like a genuinely nice person and assuming she escaped getting blowed up (she did, people that hot just don't get killed) I bet she'd eventually settle down with some nice normal guy. But she's an Orionian, and their entire mission in life is to have as much wild kinky sex as physically possible. She took one look around her graduating class and asked herself "Who have I not slept with?", Kirk being Kirk looks just as good to an Orion girl as that Cardassian kid that mumbles to himself or the fat Bolian.

Meanwhile when confronted with Uhura, a woman with half a brain, Kirk gets stymied over and over again when that bad boy charm falls flat.

As to Galia's status in Starfleet, the Writers have stated she is Orion and that she had a back story (rescued slave) though her optimism and peppiness remain rather out of place. Is she like one of those celebrity adoptions? Like some 23rd century version of Madonna said "Look how cute and green, can I have one?" She did seem a little spoiled.

Sorry, just read this. Cursor, you rock!

[thecursor]

If you think that's funny, I should demonstrate my evidence that Jean Luc Picard is the galaxy's most under rated Lothario.

[WarpGirl]

Please don't rake Picard over hot coals, he doesn't deserve it. Pleeeeeeease.

[thecursor]

Rake him over the coals? Why would I do that to such a specimen of manly magnitude?

Picard was the manliest man to ever manly man!

[WarpGirl]

Well he's up there in my opinion.

[JadziaKathryn]

I think we need to have this Picard the underrated Lothario thesis defended.

[WarpGirl]

What the H-E- double-hockysticks!!!!!!!!!!!! How is Picard an obsessive seducer and deciever of women???????????????????????????????????? Thank you dictionary dot com! You people have lost your mind! I know of no men on ST to fit that description. Not even Riker or Paris they were very honest womanizers.

[thecursor]

I was using Lothario in a playful sense, Dictionary dot com fails to convey sarcasm, also I was unaware it was an insult. I thought it just meant player.

In seriousness (or as serious as a pimptitude assessment can be):

Jean Luc Picard, while not my preference as a leader of men, is the most underrated ladies man in the history of Trek.

The Evidence:

French with a British accent: Jesus, just one of those alone would do it and yet somehow, through some madding twist of fate, Picard scores BOTH. BOTH! Dear god, that's like the pimptitude three pointer right there. Women love a man who knows his wine but also an air of intelligent sophistication. While I don't advise he drives through a red state in a japanese car, I do think he's on the right track with that one.

Bald: Contrary to popular belief, bald is cool. Balding is not cool, toupees are not cool, Rogaine is just sad. But straight up bald is damn cool. Picard, like Bruce Willis before him, long ago decided not to fight the fear of a shiny dome but to embrace it. We know that as a young man, when faced with the prospect of no hair, he said "screw it" and cut it off. Bravery. Then to let said hair grow back just enough to get that gray rim in there, double plus bravery!

Plays music: Sure it's a wind instrument and not a bitchin' guitar but the message is clear, he once had a band. Bands usually have groupies. From my knowledge about Gavin Rossdale's awesome life, the number of girl's in graduating class that stalked the lead singer of Coldplay, and every one of Tom Jones' concerts, I have come to one conclusion: Groupies love a man with a British accent.

Good taste in women: As I already told you, sheer numbers count for nothing if you're only going after women with no challenge to them. Picard on the other hand shows excellent taste in women. Vash, a female Indiana Jones (so Q stole her, so what? She's still Picard's girl), a Kriosian Princess with a genetic drive to be the perfect mate (that's right, she was literally the perfect woman and she picked Picard), and I'm not sure but I think there was also the hot member of the Mama's and the Papas. Most telling of all? Beverly Crusher. Taking a look around the Enterprise D, the obvious choice is Deanna but think again. The woman is stocked to the gills with emotional baggage, constantly experiencing delusional visions, and marrying her means you get the world's most annoying mother in law. Plus she dated a Klingon, it's not like she's picky. If Riker wants a ticket on that crazy train, be my guest. What about Ensign Ro? Yeah she's hot but only if you're into dating bitchy terrorists. Picard knows the smart man always picks the red head. She's a doctor, she's stable, and she's knows not too hard on the eyes either. Yes Wesley is annoying (my personal hatred of Wesley burns like the heat of a thousand suns) but notice Picard did away with that little problem rather nicely. "Yes son, you go off to military school while I make time with your mom. A space hippie? Yeah, go ahead and follow him around. I'll stay here, with your mom" Croissant breakfasts my left foot, I know a damn date when I see one.

Dresses well: Despite the fact that he's the captain and he could show up in a t-shirt and shorts if he wanted to, Picard knows that a well dressed man is a man dressed to be well. He always adjusts his tunic just before getting up so that the hot Romulan on the other side of the view screen gets the message that he's the best thing that ever happened to her just before he breaks up with her using a phaser. Some times he even rocks a sports coat/gray shirt combo. I have NEVER seen anybody else wear that in the history of Trek but damn is that cool. It's probably not even regulation, he probably invented that.

Excellent in Bed: Where is my evidence for this, you say? How could I possibly know that? *ahem* Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the entire plot of First Contact. He was so hot the Borg Queen bent the rules just to make him special, he was so good at Hive Mind Brain Sex that she attacked Earth just to get another taste of Picard, and when he kicked her to the curb she started making time with Data just to make him jealous. DATA! She had to get a machine to do it better. Remember that episode where that woman thought that Picard was god? Secretly his reaction was "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Now my favorite captain is still Kirk. If I'm trapped on a planet with an angry Gorn, I want the guy who says "**** it" and drops a rock on the dude's head. Picard is a lover not a fighter and his constant need to talk to every...single....sad sack in the Galaxy just isn't my kind of Captain. Around two minutes through just one of those "Let us join the Federation even though we have a dark secret" meetings, Kirk would've pulled his phaser and gone sickhouse on somebody's ass. Kirk was a straight up killing machine, most of those moral conundrums would've been a lot simpler if Kirk showed up and said "Scotty, make some flintlock rifles." Bam, that just solved the Borg right there. Assimilate a bullet, assholes!

But in terms of ladies man status, Picard wins. Period. The man was just made of awesome when it came to women and the fact that he never got credit for it burns me. Both of them together, written properly would be the ultimate Trek buddy comedy. The end of Generations should've been Soren gets to the Nexus only to find a healthy dose of Kirk size tens in his ass and then watches as the Nexus ghost of his wife throws her arms around Picard yelling "At last, a real man!"

Then Kirk drops a rock on him.