Romance vs. Love Story

[WarpGirl]

Okay so I've hit my groove writing and I'm one of those people that can't write without some noise. So I popped my copy of Sahara in the DVD player and got a notebook and went to town. Now while I've got my ears focused on the lovely voice of Matthew McConaughey giving his commentary on a scene in the film he said something that astounded me.

The romance, which is not a love story but a romance...

Blah blah more movie stuff... But it got me thinking about the distinct difference between the two, and how you approach writing both. I was waxing philisophical today about the fact that since this is a "shipper" site the audience (Us) really expects the emphesis of work to focus on the "romantic" element of our heros and rightly so. But I've come to realize I've never actually have written a "romance" before. I've written many love stories but not a romance.

Back in the SW's fandom I wrote 50 chapters. Only 19 of them had the two members of my main pairing on the same side of the Galaxy, and even fewer when they were actually in the same room! Yet the whole tale hinges on their relationship.

Anyway getting back to the here and now I find myself struggling to find the right mix of "romance" that drives this fan base and moving the plot along.

So here's the topic, with the wealth of Romances and Love Stories that fill this site, which side do you most enjoy?

And for the record I love romances as much as the next girl. I think that flowers, and chocolates, and candles, and butterflys are wonderful! I would love a little of that in my life. I'm not knocking the mush and fluff. I just think that the distinction between a "romance" and a "love story" is an interesting topic to discuss.

The irony is going to the movies to see Sahara was my very first real date, and the Jackass Sith Ex-Boyfriend hated it.

[Transwarp]

Romance vs. love story, huh? Interesting question. I had never really pondered the difference before. In my mind, a romance is all about the pursuit. The thrill of the chase. TnT's romance is especially interesting, given all the complications inherent in an interspecies relationship, with all the corresponding opportunities for miscommunication and misunderstanding. We (the readers) are given the chance to see our familiar feelings and commonplace rituals through alien eyes, which can heighten the interest and compound the drama. A love story, on the other hand, would probably highlight the relationship after the courtship is completed.

TnT fanfic is replete with both types, (probably leaning more toward the romance side). As I ponder which I prefer, I realize I can't decide. I like them both, without preference. (In fact, some of my favorite stories contain both elements; going straight from the romance to the love story.)

Sorry, not much help here.

[ginamr]

Honesty, I think a love story hinges on romance, so they're very closely messed. I like a story with a bit of both.

[WarpGirl]

Oh I love irony, once I got on this track I was trying to think of different stories here that I personally love that highlight the distinction of a "Love Story" vs. a "Romance" one of the most outstanding examples of a "Love Story" that I know of is your series Transwarp.

Another great example is Cogito's entrence onto the main stage. That marvelous story in my mind has very little "romance" in it at all. But it is jam packed full of a deep and abiding love that will remain even after sparks and flames calm down.

On the other side of the coin on the "Romance" side of things, Misplaced's absolutely brilliant Reflections of Another Universe is a pitch perfect example of how a "romance" can be the catalyst to an epically inspiring "Love Story." There's another story at HoT where Trip is T'Pol's "secret Santa" that fits the bill. But for some crazy reason I can't think of the title or author. He gives her several gifts. Food, a robe, and slippers.

I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive by any means. But I don't think you need grand romantic gestures and passionate moments to tell a great love story either. I also find stories that have a balance of both to be the most fullfilling.

[Silverbullet]

Funny, I always thought that they were hand in glove. One led to the other.

I guess I have written a few of each. a one or two where both existed in the same story.

But hey, I am a Romantic at heart.

SB

[panyasan]

Romance is...

ro·mance (r-mns, rmns)
n.
1.
a. A love affair.
b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love: They kept the romance alive in their marriage for 35 years.
c. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.
2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful: "These fine old guns often have a romance clinging to them" (Richard Jeffries).
3.
a. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance.
b. A long fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events, usually set in a distant time or place.
c. The class of literature constituted by such tales.
4.
a. An artistic work, such as a novel, story, or film, that deals with sexual love, especially in an idealized form.
b. The class or style of such works.

For me, romance is a small, fun part of love. But love is so much more. At the basic love is when you put your own desires and wishes aside and want what best is for the other person. Even when that means that your relationship or romance has to stop.

On the other side, sometimes romance has nothing to do with love. Only with people's own desires. Such romance is doomed to fail. Because when "they come together", they still have to live together.

So I don't mind a little romance in a story, but I prefer a love story when two people try to work out their difference and try to live together.

[Asso]

I have no problem: In Italian 'Romance' doesn't exist, there is only 'Love'. Amore.

[panyasan]

In my own language the word "romance" doesn't sound very romantic. But we have plenty of chocolate and flowers....

[WarpGirl]

Funny, I always thought that they were hand in glove. One led to the other.

I guess I have written a few of each. a one or two where both existed in the same story.

But hey, I am a Romantic at heart.

SB

Well there are acts of romance and acts of love. For example an act of romance is coming home to your sweetie with 3 dozen of her favorite flowers. Let me just say THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA! But it isn't an act of love.

An act of love is when you buy your sweetie a heavy wool coat for the winter with the money you were saving for football tickets.

I have no problem: In Italian 'Romance' doesn't exist, there is only 'Love'. Amore.

Dear I swear that I am not being witchy when I ask this... Does that mean there is no distinction between when a man buys you gifts and is incapable of keeping promises, and a man who keeps every promise but wouldn't know where to buy flowers with two hands and a map?

Hey I'm all for both romance and love. But love means more to me than romance.

But we have plenty of chocolate and flowers....

Then life is good!

[Asso]

I have no problem: In Italian 'Romance' doesn't exist, there is only 'Love'. Amore.

Dear I swear that I am not being witchy when I ask this... Does that mean there is no distinction between when a man buys you gifts and is incapable of keeping promises, and a man who keeps every promise but wouldn't know where to buy flowers with two hands and a map?

You have to forgive me, I think we are talking of different things.

[WarpGirl]

Probably. Don't worry mi amcio I was just trying to illustrate how one man can be "romantic" and the other "loving. I'm sure you are both! Me, I'm just cursed with an ex who was amazingly romantic, but broke every promise he ever made to me.

[panyasan]

When a man buys presents but can't keep its promises, that isn't romance. That's sweet-talking-nothing.
On the other hand: when a man keeps his promises, but forget to buy flowers, but he gets you tea in the morning and takes the crash out and loves you, now that's romance and love combined.

Sorry WG I just saw your post. Hopefully you don't mind if I say something boldly: Get over the ex. If he hasn't been true, forget him. Focus on more positive activities and people.

[Asso]

Probably. Don't worry mi amcio I was just trying to illustrate how one man can be "romantic" and the other "loving. I'm sure you are both! Me, I'm just cursed with an ex who was amazingly romantic, but broke every promise he ever made to me.

It is precisely for this reason that in Italian the word 'romance' does not exist!

[WarpGirl]

Mine would drive five states to see me, buy me presents, but he would never stay! I guess I'm just jaded. Oh he never cheated on me, but he lied a lot. Like I said I'm jaded. I can forego the flowers and candles, it's got very little to do with love.

That said, one of my favorite "romance" TnT stories is one where T'Pol researched what to do for a date. I can't remember title or author though. It's 105 degrees where I am. My mind is melting.

[Cogito]

I'm inclined to think that romance and love are opposite sides of the coin.

Romance is all about opportunity and danger and uncertainty and hope. The classic romantic happy ending is that two kindred spirits overcome all the obstacles between them, declare their mutual commitment to each other and the uncertainty ends and all the hopes are realised. And that should be the end of the romance. You can love somebody before, during and after a romantic relationship. But love is not something we should be uncertain about. A healthy long-term loving relationship is IMO about caring and commitment and certainty and trust given and earned. If you have a long-term romantic relationship, with the implications of ongoing danger and uncertainty, I suspect that's actually not a healthy situation to be in.