May We Together Become Greater Than The Sum Of Us by WG

[Kotik]

IDK I find it sad that if two men hug each other with both arms and for more than 10 seconds it turns into a "gay subtext" thing. I find it sad that if I help a friend with sunscreen on his back I've got to be careful otherwise I'm suddenly trying to get him. Or in a compromising situation.

I agree that we are sensual creatures, and touch is vital. I just find it supremely irritating when comfort is automatically taken into the erotic, and affection is mistaken for a sexual invitation.

I don't see it that way and I don't think it is really that bad in all parts of the world. It's also a cultural thing. For instance in Europe men hugging is not that uncommon and certainly doesn't carry a gay conotation. My experience is that it tends to be the way you describe it in societies, which are either sexually repressed or prude. Take the US of Americaland for instance. Here we have the worlds biggest producer of pornographic material, yet you'll hardly see a semi-nude person on screen (someone notice that bed sheets in american movies always seem to be L-shaped? Always covers the female, but for the male it only suffices up to the waist )
Over here you'd mistake a normal free-TV channel for a pr0n-channel. Naked persons are nothing uncommon in films shown after 2pm. Go to a German beach in summer and you'll hardly see a female wearing a bikini top and none of the males is walking around with a raging hard-on. If a society deals with human sexuality openly, such mistaken associations as you describe them, don't usually happen.

[WarpGirl]

Well I am neither repressed or a prude. I do live by certain morals, but that hardly makes me puritanical. I just was hoping to write a neuropressure scene about affection and healing and it just didn't work they way I had intended.

[Kotik]

Well, neuro-pressure is intimate by Vulcan standards and intimacy is by definition something that requires two persons to be very close. While intimacy is not the same as sexuality, they are very close. For instance, it requires a certain state of undress, which many people associate with a sexual conotation, which is ridiculous - it's just the way we were born. I know a lot of people, who would never go to a nude beach, while for others it is the most normal thing in the world. It's both a cultural and an individual matter. What I don't understand though. Why would you want to describe a neuro-pressure session? We've all seen it on screen, so a detailled description might be somewhat tedious.

[WarpGirl]

Well, according to Phlox different postures have different uses. The ones we saw had to do with curing insomnia. I made up a posture that had to deal with relieving stress. Two totally different things. But since I'm not using it, it's a moot point anyway.

[WarpGirl]

Has anyone ever noticed that fragmented sentences are staples of conversation. My mom gave me the laptop to use so my feet don't hang down too much, and I'm using Microsoft Works for writing right now. Having a spell check that I don't have to deal with is great. But I have more green squiggles than should be reasonable.

The fact of the matter is people speak in fragments. But appearently this is bad writing???????????

[Transwarp]

The question in my mind (and the question that should be in yours) is why your scene wasn't turning out the way you wanted. Sure, neuropressure can be sensual and sexual and all that, but it isn't necessarily so. Even the act of sex can be non-sensual and non-sexual. (And boring, judging by the porn I've watched. Sex really wasn't intended to be a spectator sport! ) Context is everything. In the US, two men holding hands means something completely different than in the middle east or SW asia. It's just a cultural difference, neither good nor bad.

When you wrote the scene, whose point of view were you using? You wanted it to be about comfort, so what was ruining it? I assume it wasn't the character's thoughts, so maybe the descriptions of the process were too detailed. If so, maybe all you need to do is scale back the details and concentrate more on their effect. Don't show us who's touching who and where, just tell us what they're feeling and how it's affecting them.

Just an idea.

As for fragments in dialogue: Yes, it is bad writing! (But good speaking, because that IS how we all talk.) Just ignore the squiggles. You need to tell a good story, not appease the grammar-checking gods!

[WarpGirl]

Hey how's it going! Okay since I deleted that neuropressure scene the thing I remember being "hinky" was the position I described. When I get massage, the place that takes all of the stress out is near the sciatic nerve, when the massage therapist hits that spot, everything that stresses me out goes away.

I had a scene where the lady was kneeling and the gentleman had his palms on either side pressing at the sciatic nerve. The mental image was just too much.

As for the fragments, I accept them. I just think it's silly.

Maybe you can give me some more opinions.

[Distracted]

You could always fall back on reflexology. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reflexology
It's probably malarky, but it's a way out for the scene you're describing.

[WarpGirl]

Reflexology gives me nightmares! OMG the pain! And then the spasams... Yikes! Actually, I did revise the scene but this chapter is crazy long. I'm sending different sections to my lovely beta to see if they're even interesting enough to keep. As it is I'm trimming stuff out I wrote in my paper notebook just by not typing it up. The neuropressure may stay, it might not. But it's hardly the only thing that might be on the chopping block.

But I am sooooooooo very thankful for all of the advice. Just knowing people care is such a great thing to keep a person going. I was telling my mom just today "I understand why writers drink." It's a very difficult and nerve-wracking process. Writing fanfic is wonderful just for the support system. Writing my original novel is much, much harder because there's no back up.

So THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORT!

[WarpGirl]

Hi I'm wondering if any of our devoted fans of ENT could clear something up for me. Did Jonathan Archer ever meet Zefram Cochrane? For some reason this particular detail is escaping me. I know that his Father definitely knew the father of warp drive. But did little Johnny? Any help is appreciated.

[Kotik]

It's unlikely, but there is a small chance that he met him at age 7. Cochrane disappeared in 2119, while Archer was born in 2112. Last official footage of Cochrane was the opening of the Warp 5 complex in 2119, later that year he disappeared and resurfaced in the TOS era.
It is reasonable to assume that Henry Archer was at the opening of the Warp 5 complex and if he took little Johnny with him, he might have met Cochrane.

[WarpGirl]

Thank you Kindly! I'm just really tired, and the insomnia just will not abate. It's a good tid-bit to have.

[WarpGirl]

Please forgive the Home Alone moment but I have to do this... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok done. Hope I haven't hurt anyone's ears. I've broken the record! I'm up to 35 typed pages and there are still 5 1/2 hand written pages to be transcribed plus the unwritten speaches by our heroes at the memorial for Baby Elizabeth.

I swear I'm going to drive myself nuts with this "plot" vs. "character development" conflict raging inside of me! If I don't move the plot along nobody cares about the characters, but if I don't care about the characters I could care less about writing a plot! It's not fair!

My writing Hero Aaron Sorkin says he hates writing plots, that it's his achillies heel. I think he's a big fat fibber quite honestly because his work seems tto be pretty darn balanced! As is my other writing Hero F. Scott Fitzgerald. Maybe my problem is my writing heroes are men. I'm not a man so I don't think like one. I love many authoresses as well but my hero, heroes are men.

I don't know what I'm saying I'm sleep deprived and my hip hurts. Note to self: Get pain killers re-filled for emergencies.

[Transwarp]

Wow. My ears are *still* ringing.

I'm going to drive myself nuts with this "plot" vs. "character development" conflict raging inside of me!

So, let's see what we have here: Plot vs. character development? The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. It's possible to move the plot forward and develop the characters at the same time. In fact that's normally how it's done, and based on what I recall from your story so far, that seems to be how you're doing it. Also, this is fan-fiction. It's a given that your readers care for the characters. We enjoy those character-centric moments that don't move the plot forward much more than a typical reader might. This gives you some extra leeway, just be careful not to abuse it.

Having said that, I suspect the issue here (without having read the text) is that you are concerned that the memorial service is dragging on too long. If it seems too long to you, then it probably will to us as well, so you need to get out your pruning sheers.

On the other hand, if your fear is based on what you've been taught about the art of writing, and you're afraid you've broken one or more of the rules but you really, really like what you wrote and hate the idea of pruning it, then maybe you're right and the rules are wrong. The rules, after all, are just guidelines. You are free to violate them as you please. There is a risk involved with breaking them (because they were made for a reason) but they're not *always* right.

I know I've said this before, but you have to trust your ear. Read it back to yourself and if you like it, go with it. If you don't, then cut or revise until you *do* like it. It's an iterative process for me, and I've found no shortcuts. Sometimes I'll revise whole sections, only to restore the original text the next day. Fortunately, that doesn't happen a lot!

Hope this helps at least a little.

[Kotik]

I know I've said this before, but you have to trust your ear. Read it back to yourself and if you like it, go with it. If you don't, then cut or revise until you *do* like it. It's an iterative process for me, and I've found no shortcuts. Sometimes I'll revise whole sections, only to restore the original text the next day. Fortunately, that doesn't happen a lot!

Hope this helps at least a little.

That's a very good advice. Mirrors my modus operandi, too. I re-read stories dozens of times before they even go off to beta-reading. It's lengthy, but surprisingly effective method.

oh, btw, TW - you've got a truckload of reviews coming your way. I'm currently revisiting your Commissioning -> Convicted series