Rigil's New Endeavour thread...

[Rigil Kent]

I think I'm going to try something different with that last act. You know how a lot of books (the Dune series springs to mind) begin chapters with these "historical" quotes? I was thinking that I would end Elysium with the following (and yeah, I am consciously emulating FDR's "Day of Infamy" speech...)

"Three years ago, Earth was viciously attacked without provocation by an alien species manipulated into thinking that humanity was their enemy. That date, April 24th, joined December 7th, September 11th, July 7th, and October 1st as a date that has been seared into our consciousness. Now, another date has joined them, and it too will forever live on in infamy.

"Yesterday, March 15th, 2156, four human colonies and three human space stations were suddenly and deliberately attacked by the forces of the Romulan Empire.

"We were not at war with this species, nor was Earth infringing upon their sovereign territory. At no time have we harbored any ill will toward these, our brothers from the stars, and have even extended the hand of friendship to them in every way we can. And yet, despite our attempts, we have been rebuffed in the most savage way imaginable.

"It must be noted that the distance between the seven locations that were attacked, and the timing of these attacks makes it obvious that this was deliberately planned and cannot be construed as anything but an act of war. We do not have an accurate death toll yet, but early estimates place it in the hundreds of thousands, with as many as one and a half million possibly slain in an unprovoked attack.

"Therefore, as the commander in chief of United Earth forces, I have directed both Starfleet and the Military Assault Command Operations to take any and all measures for our defense. I have further asked that the Congress declare that a state of war now exist between the territories of Earth and the Romulan Empire.

"At 1700 Hours Zulu today, Congress has responded and passed a unanimous resolution that backs this request.

"As of this moment, Earth is at war.

"And may God have mercy on our souls."

-Excerpts from UE President Gregor Molyneux speech before Congress, March 16, 2156.

[JadziaKathryn]

Oh, that works very well. It sets up well for the series, while tying up the story.

[hth2k]

Rewriting the first story is fine but I wouldn't toss the material. Rather consider using it at the end of the series. The scene in the rain is quite good. Be cautious of ending on too dark a note, There is much darkness to endure and the reader needs some brighter notes and hope. Fulfilling that hope at the end is not a bad thing.

You could also have them see a computer model of the NCC 1701 rather than the actual hull.

HtH


Dispose properly. Do not place in fire. Do not puncture.

[krn]

I agree with the 'director's cut' idea - and I like the presidents speech as well. But I also agree with hth and some others that you shouldn't go too dark. We need a little glimmer of hope to keep us reading. Seeing as we're all tnt'ers here - perhaps in the scene where Trip learns T'Pol may never have kids - they can have a little 'connection' moment. Like you did in Vigrid - when Trip learns about T'Pols attack - he reaches out and touches her. Just a little thing, but it pulls at our heartstrings. Perhaps something similar in Elysium - if they can't have kids, at least they'll have each other.

Or, you can just do as you please. Won't stop me from reading.

And nice chappie with Jon in Divergent Paths - when you said stranded, you *meant* it!

[Rigil Kent]

Toldja.

Rewriting the first story is fine but I wouldn't toss the material. Rather consider using it at the end of the series. The scene in the rain is quite good. Be cautious of ending on too dark a note, There is much darkness to endure and the reader needs some brighter notes and hope. Fulfilling that hope at the end is not a bad thing.

For the most part, I agree. What I'm likely to do is, once the series has run its course and I've ended the "official" series (no idea when that is), I'll come back with a 22 Years Later fic that incorporates much of this last act that will be excised from this version.

That said, I'm probably going to cut the entire -1701 scene because it doesn't work with the timeline. I'll probably replace it with an encounter with a young Robert April...

I agree with the 'director's cut' idea - and I like the presidents speech as well. But I also agree with hth and some others that you shouldn't go too dark. We need a little glimmer of hope to keep us reading. Seeing as we're all tnt'ers here - perhaps in the scene where Trip learns T'Pol may never have kids - they can have a little 'connection' moment. Like you did in Vigrid - when Trip learns about T'Pols attack - he reaches out and touches her. Just a little thing, but it pulls at our heartstrings. Perhaps something similar in Elysium - if they can't have kids, at least they'll have each other.

The revised version of the final act will still include the first couple of scenes (Hernandez arriving, Hoshi grieving, Phlox observing) so Trip's discovery that he and T'Pol might not be able to have kids will still be there. I'm probably going to add one more scene (maybe two) to replace the "Archer in the Rain", "Reynolds as Secret Service", and "Archer learns about the coming Tri'Pol". There will definitely be a new Trip scene, in which he reflects on some things. I blame Kevin (not KTR) for causing me to rethink a few things and realize that he was correct in that Trip had probably made too many missteps to really expect a captaincy, so this will give me an opportunity to reflect that. Still not sure about what the other scene (if there is another scene) will be yet.

Thanks for the feedback!

[Reanok]

Rigil I hope you'll please keep the original ending of Elsyium where trip & T'Pol,were expecting a baby and have 2 different endings a director's cut like you described for fans of your stories I liked the original ending like TennisGirl and jadzia Kathryn.It sounds like an interesting idea though.

[Asso]

Rigil I hope you'll please keep the original ending of Elsyium where trip & T'Pol,were expecting a baby...

Absolutely agreed!

[Rigil Kent]

Rigil I hope you'll please keep the original ending of Elsyium where trip & T'Pol,were expecting a baby and have 2 different endings a director's cut like you described for fans of your stories I liked the original ending like TennisGirl and jadzia Kathryn.It sounds like an interesting idea though.

The original ending will be at the TTP side of HoT, but it's too shiny & happy for the series. As I plan for Elysium to set up the Endeavour series, the "expecting a baby" bit will be removed (as that takes place 22 years after ELY.) Sorry.

[Asso]

Oh yes, you are sorry and I am sad!

[Rigil Kent]

Um ... why? The original will still be available at HoT, and that is the ultimate destination I'm aiming the project toward. Just because I'm rewriting that act (or rather, trying to ... it's not cooperating quite as well as I'd hoped, and I really wish I hadn't deleted the original ending 2 years ago...), doesn't mean that the objective is going to change...

[blacknblue]

Just don't make the ending of the first one too hopeless sounding, for new readers. Remember we are all gun shy after the abomination. You will scare people away if it sounds too mournful.

[Zane Gray]

Hey, by the way Rigil. I just wanted to say how much I'm enjoying your Mirror Universe fic. It's a very, very cool alternate take on your own Endeavour series. I'm looking forward to reading more. I'd misplaced your website link, and I haven't been on the boards as much in recent weeks as I normally am. I didn't realize that you completed so many more stories. Keep up the good work! I'm definitely enjoying them. I hope to have the rest of Whether You Fall done shortly.

[Rigil Kent]

Thanks, Zane. I've been nothing if not mildly prolific of late. Pity I can't get paid for these, eh?

New website link: http://trekonline.org/endeavour/

Just don't make the ending of the first one too hopeless sounding, for new readers. Remember we are all gun shy after the abomination. You will scare people away if it sounds too mournful.

I posted this at my LiveJournal (mostly to inspire the Muse and to convince her that this isn't a bad thing), but thought it might work to repeat it here.

Anyway, what I'm thinking about doing is, in the scene that immediately follows the Phlox scene, advancing forward something like two or three weeks and have the scene take place on Earth. It will be a Trip POV, and will probably be his "frocking" (receiving captain's rank). I mentioned it in one of the Endeavour fics (don't recall which off the top of my head), but will basically be Archer pinning the new rank on while Hoshi reads the orders, and T'Pol and Phlox look on proudly.

A couple of things that I probably need to touch on in this scene. One, the fact that Trip never expected to be promoted to captain, and had given up that dream. He'd stepped on far too many toes, and screwed the pooch too many times to expect promotion, and ignoring SFC in the "Super!Archer and Sidekick!Polly's Amazing Desert Adventure" arc can't look good on his OER (Officer Evaluation Report. No idea what the deckapes call it.).

Two, he and T'Pol don't know if they can have kids or not. Her injury is pretty bad. Both of them have put this out of their mind, and Trip will probably reflect that they can adopt if it comes down to it. Note: I do not say that they can't have kids, merely that they don't know if they can or not.

Three, Archer has been bumped to commodore.

After the promotion ceremony, Trip will go back to his ship, the UES Endeavour. He'll muse about how things have changed, and how much darker the galaxy seems to be. And then, he'll go to work.

I'll then end the fic with a "historical" document like the Dune books have. Which I already posted here.

[Navigator]

Drat! After 33 years back to Midshipman. Sheesh!

We deckapes call'em "fitness reports". Interestingly, up until the mid-1970's you did not get to see your own fitness report.

[Rigil Kent]

Drat! After 33 years back to Midshipman. Sheesh!

Heh. Well I only served four years in the Army, and somehow I'm a naval Captain!

We deckapes call'em "fitness reports". Interestingly, up until the mid-1970's you did not get to see your own fitness report.

Good to know. Hmm ... wonder if they have anything like that in Starfleet... I mean, they reference "performance levels" once or twice, I think ...