Mistakes

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU.  What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime?  How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?  I have a feeling this story will be longish.

Spoilers:  Demons and Terra Prime

A/N:  My beta Dinah helped me so much on this. Thanks!

Hoshi sat on her bed, motionless.  She had woken up this morning sure that all of the horrible things that had happened the day before were just a dream.  However, she knew it wasn't.

The look on Trip's face -- haunted and sick -- when he left the sickbay.  She had caused that pain.

She got up from the bed and took a black dress from her closet.  When she had brought it onboard, she was sure that she would never have to use it.  She had been wrong.  She felt the soft fabric of the dress.  She had always loved satin.  It had been years since she had worn the dress.  The last time she could remember was to her grandmother's funeral.

And Masaro.  There had been so much blood.  He had been so young.  Hoshi couldn't understand why he had done it.  It wasn't his fault.  She had caused that pain.

The black fabric matched Hoshi's raven hair and made her skin look pearly white.  She put on the dress, arranging it carefully so that it looked perfect.  Then she picked up the black Vulcan sash T'Pol had given to her. 

"Trip considers you a close friend, as do I; your presence at our daughter's funeral would be welcome."  T'Pol trusted her. 

Attached to the sash were two pendants.  One was the Vulcan symbol for "death", the other was for "child".  She tied the sash around her waist.  A single tear slid down her cheek. 

Phlox had felt so guilty, as if he was sure there was something he could have done.  It was the only time she had seen him cry.  She had caused that pain.

She quickly brushed the moisture away.  Hoshi took one last glance in the mirror then hurried out the door to the funeral of her friends' little girl and only child.  The child she had killed.

Hoshi wrapped herself tightly in her sweater.  It was colder on Earth than she remembered it being last time she was here.  Hoshi kind of liked it.  The temperature was always the same on the Enterprise.  She kind of missed having seasons.  Hoshi looked at her watch.  It was almost 1930 pm. Phlox would be here soon.  Hoshi smiled to herself as she realized that she had never seen him out of uniform.  As soon as the thought past her mind, she saw his smiling face come around the corner.  She quickened her pace to meet up with him.  As soon as he was close enough, she enveloped him in a hug. 

"Hi," she said.  "I never thought I would miss everyone this much.  It's only been two days since I left the ship. I guess I'm just used to seeing everyone," she laughed to herself.  "Where are you staying?"

"In a hotel a few blocks away." 

"You know, I have an extra room, if you like. I wouldn't mind the company," Hoshi offered warmly. 

"No, I'm comfortable where I am.  Besides, I wouldn't want to intrude. It's only for a few more days."

"It doesn't really seem fair.  T'Pol got to go back to Vulcan for leave.  I guess Denobula is too far away."

"Yes, I'm afraid that by the time I got there I would have to turn around and come back.  Do you know where everyone else scurried off to?"

"I believe Trip stayed on Vulcan with T'Pol.  It probably would have been hard for him to come back and not see his sister.  Then Malcolm went back home to visit his sister.  I think Travis is still in San Francisco, and I haven't been able to get a hold of the Captain." 

"That's good.  It seems that everyone has been enjoying their leave.  What have you been doing?"

"Well my apartment was pretty dusty since no one's been in it for a while, so yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning.  Then today I went to a movie."

"What did you see?"

"It was called Destruction, it was a world war three epic.  I found it to be rather depressing.  It had a good ending though."

Phlox chuckled.

"There's a park we could walk around not too far from here.  I feel weird standing in the middle of the sidewalk."

Phlox nodded and walked alongside Hoshi.  "You've been having nightmares?"

Hoshi's smile faded and she nodded her head.  "It's the same dream every night, ever since we stopped the super weapon." 

"What happens in these dreams?" 

"I'm with the Xindi again.  They want me to decode the lockout for the super weapon." 

Phlox nodded his head. 

"At first I won't do it.  But then the Captain is there, and they tell me that they'll kill him if I don't, so I try.  Captain Archer begs me to do it and I try.  But I just can't....and then they shoot him. The same thing happens over and over and over with Travis and Malcolm and Liz and Trip until everyone is dead and I'm in the room by myself." 

"That is a very disturbing dream." Hoshi didn't say anything.  "Do feel responsible for the deaths of your crewmates?" 

"Well, that's kind of beside the point, isn't it?  It's just a dream." 

Phlox shook his head.  "And the friends you lost on the mission?" 

"You mean like Major Hayes."  Hoshi thought for a moment.  "I feel sad that he's gone, but I don't feel responsible for his death.  Mostly, I just feel afraid all the time that the Xindi will come back, or that someone else will decide that humans should be exterminated. I mean what if next time they don't fail?  What if I hadn't failed? What if I had been able to decode that lock?" 

"But you didn't.  Everything is fine now.  Your crewmates are safe and so is your world.  We accomplished the mission, Hoshi." 

Hoshi gave him a small smile.  Phlox could always make her feel better.  

"Things will be as they were; it will just take some time

A gust of wind rushed past them and Hoshi shivered.  "It's getting kind of cold.  Do you want to go get a cup of tea?  I know a great place not too far from here." 

Phlox smiled, "That sounds wonderful.  T'Pol has gotten me quite attached to chamomile tea." 

"Really?  T'Pol?  I didn't even know..."  Hoshi, not paying attention to where she was going, bumped into to a rather large man.  When she turned around to apologize, her heart caught in her throat and she uttered a startled yip. Phlox turned around to see what had startled her. 

"Hoshi?"  Then he understood.  He took her shoulders and sat her down on a sidewalk bench.  "Hoshi, that is a Kreetasean." 

She looked again.  "In the dark... I could have sworn..."  She put her face in her hands and slowed her breathing.  "I did the same thing yesterday." 

"It's all right, Hoshi," he said gently

Hoshi looked up from her hands.  "I'm sorry, Phlox, but I think I'm just going to go home.  If you're not busy, we could have lunch together tomorrow." 

"I would like that.  Would you like some company on your walk back." 

Hoshi gave him a small smile, but shook her head.  "No, I think I just want some time alone." 

"All right, I'll see you tomorrow for lunch." 

Hoshi nodded.  She said goodbye then turned to walk back to her apartment. 

This wasn't fair.  She shouldn't feel afraid all the time. She finally reached her door and was about to go inside when something caught her eye. 

A yellow flier. 

It read: EARTH BELONGS TO TERRANS. 

She pulled the flier off the door and put it in her pocket.

TBC