Exploration

Summary: After sleeping with Trip, T'Pol becomes puzzled: Trip and the entire Enterprise crew seem to be mad at her!

Note from justTrip'n:  Some of it is a little over the top, but what the heck! Here we go! Enjoy. I think you'll like the ending. ;)

Exploration



"For facilitating my exploration of human sexuality."

"Exploring human sexuality? Your're kidding, aren't you?"

"I am serious."

He left the table without saying anything more. I will explain it to him at lunch. He will understand, she thought.

In the Engine Room, when Trip walked in, Hess looked at him and commented to Rostov, "He looks like a whipped dog. Wonder what happened."

At lunch T-Pol sat at their usual table where she and Trip usually shared lunch and talked. Trip did not come for lunch. He must be busy thought T-Pol.

At afternoon coffee, still no Trip. He and T-Pol always had coffee and tea in the afternoon. It was a ritual with them. T-Pol was perplexed. She had not heard of any emergency in Engineering. Perhaps I will go down to see what has happened, she thought.

T-Pol entered the Engine Room, saw Trip sitting at his desk in his little office, and started to walk towards him. Trip called Hess over said something to her, and Hess stopped T-Pol.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Hess said.

"I want to talk to Commander Tucker" T-Pol answered.

"He is busy right now and doesn't want to be disturbed. What do you need?" She took T-Pol 's arm and turned T-Pol around towards the door. T-Pol shook off her arm turned around again, but Commander Tucker was no longer at his desk.

"Where is he he? He was here a minute ago." said T-Pol

"I don't know," replied Hess. "He must have stepped out."

"Tell him I will see him at dinner," said T-Pol. She left the Engine Room and returned to the Bridge.

At dinner, the Captain, Phlox, and T-Pol were in the mess, but Trip never came to dinner.

"Know where Trip is?" Archer asked T-Pol.

"No, he seems to be busy with something. He has been all day. I have not seen him since this morning," she retorted.

"Not like him to miss dinner," smiled Archer.

The next morning Trip did not show up in the Dining Hall which was unusual. He always liked his morning coffee. T-Pol sat at their table and waited but he never showed. This was really odd. She shrugged and went to the Science Department to check on the morning reports.

Trip did not show up all day not even for dinner. T-Pol was starting to worry. Is he ill? His actions are curious. It was late, so she returned to her quarters and meditated, then to bed.

The next morning again: no Trip. Now she was determined to find out what had happened to him.

T-Pol took the lift down to Engineering, entered it and looked around: no Trip. She spied Hess and walked over to her. "Where is Commander Tucker? Is he all right? I would like to talk to him," T-Pol said briskly.

"I am not sure, but he may be in one of the Jeffries tubes or maybe in a conduit. He might not even be in Engineering. I don't know," Hess said shortly. "What do you need?"

"I have not seen the commander for two days and I was wondering if he is ill or busy. I would like to know if he is all right," T-Pol said.

"I am sure if he wants you to know, he will tell you. Try not to bother him though." With that Hess walked away.

T-Pol stood in Engineering looking around to see if Trip was going to arrive; the Engineering crew ignored her. She walked out of Engineering still at a loss. What was going on? I cannot understand it.

T-Pol waited all day for Trip. In the dining hall, he didn't come to eat. She called Engineering but was told that he was not available.

Dinner in the Captain's Mess was quiet. Archer loooked at T-Pol and again asked "Seen Trip? This is twice he has not shown up for dinner. Do you know where he is?"

"No, I do not. I have been to Engineering a few times and even called it and he is either not there or not available," T-Pol said in a low voice.

"Well, he is going to be here tomorrow night if Ihave to order him to be here," Archer said tightly.

T-Pol was secretly relieved. She would see him tomorrow night and find out what had been going on.

For the third day, he didn't appear in the mess hall, and when T-Pol called Engineering he again was not available.

In the Captain's Mess that night, T-Pol waitied for him to come to dinner. "Did you make sure he was going to be here tonight?" she asked Archer.

"Yes, I ordered him to be here for dinner, even have his favorite dinner ready for him. That will bring him. Had Chef make pecan pie." Archer grinned.

It was late when a very dirty Trip walked into the mess. "Captain I have to clean up before I can sit down to dinner. Give me a while. I will be back," he said and left.

Well at least he will be in with us tonight, thought T-Pol.

They waited but he did not show up. T-Pol tried to take her time eating but was finished and had sat with an empty plate for five minutes.

"Where in Hell is he?" snappped Archer. He went to the com and called Trip's quarters. Trip answered.

"Where are you? We are waiting," Archer barked.

"Almost finished!  Was a lot dirtier than I thought.  Will be there in a jiffy," Trip replied

Time went by and finally T-Pol stood up, excused herself, and departed the mess.

She was walking through the Dining Hall to the lift when she saw Trip walking towards her. He was walking very quickly as if trying to get by her without stopping. As he past, he hit her with his shoulder.

T-Pol stopped, turned to accept his apologies, but he was still walking, not looking back, and disappeared into the Captain's Mess.

In the mess, Trip was smiling. "Sorry to be so late. What is for dinner?"

"A cold meal," replied Archer." Where have you been?"

"Told you: I was filthy and I didn't want to sit down in that shape, so I got showered and cleaned up, put on a new uniform. That took time," Trip answered.

"Well, at least the pecan pie won't get cold," Archer said.

The next morning, T-Pol saw Trip sitting with Corporal Cole. She was laughing a little more loudly than usual and seemed to be amused at everything he said. Cole had her hand on Trip's arm. She was leaning towards him. T-Pol sat down but got right back up and walked out of the Dining Hall. She thought that Cole had been eliminated as a rival the night she had seduced Trip. What had happened? Why was he back with her?

It was the same at lunch. Trip again was with Cole. He seemed to be enjoying her company, and she was all smiles, glancing at T-Pol when Trip wasn't looking.

That night T-Pol did not go to the Captains Mess but had her meal delivered to her room. As she was closing her door after putting the dishes outside to be picked up by the steward, she saw Cole leaving Trip's quarters. She watched through a crack in the door. Trip seemed friendly but he merely said good night and there was no affectionate hug or kiss between them. Cole walked away with a pleased smile on her face.

T-Pol closed the door and sat on her bed. She was unhappy. She had no idea what to do. She meditated for hours but she was not relieved when she ended it and lay down. She did not sleep that night.

The next day, she entered Engineering determined to talk to Trip and find out what he was doing with Cole and why he seemed to be avoiding her. She walked in and thought she saw Rostov signal someone she couldn't see. She looked at Trip's Office but he was not there. She again approached Hess. "Where is the commander? He never seems to be here when I come to see him."

Hess looked hostile. "Why don't you quit bothering him and stay out of Engineering? You are not wanted here," Hess said in a stony voice.

T-Pol was taken aback. Hess was usually friendly when T'Pol came to Engineerig to see Trip. What had she done to deserve this?

"I beg you pardon" T-Pol said in a shocked voice.

"Get out of Engineering, You have no business down here. You are not an engineer. Leave us alone. Leave him alone," Hess almost shouted.

T-Pol fled Engineering. She had never been spoken to like that on Enterprise. Then she stopped, went back to Engineering ,and walked up to Hess. "You are being insubordinate Lieutenant," T-Pol said.

"Insubordinate? How? You are not even an officer. There is no insignia of rank on that catsuit you keep wearing. You are a civilian on board. I can't be insubordinate to you. Now leave Engineering," Hess ordered.

"I am First Officer of this ship, and you are being insubordinate," replied T-Pol.

"Like Hell you are. You have no legal right to claim that. You are not a Starfleet officer or even a Vulcan officer anymore. You are nothing. No rank. Try doing something about my-so called insubordinatin. Now GET OUT," This time Hess did shout.

T-Pol looked at the rest of the Engineering staff and saw only hostility. She departed Engineering hurriedly. When she returned to the bridge she approached Hoshi. "Can I talk to you for a minute about soemthing private? Not here on the Bridge."

"Sure we can go have coffee.  It is quiet right now, and I can get away for a bit," said Hoshi.

The two women entered the Dining Hall, drew their drinks, and sat down.

"Have you seen Commander Tucker?" T-Pol said quietly. "I have not seen him for a few days, and I am starting to believe he is ill or something."

"I have seen him around. He seems quieter than usual, but other than that, I don't know. Oh yes, he has been spending time with Cole," said Hoshi.

"Did he seem to be worried about something?" T-Pol said.

Hosh was noncommittal. "No, he was with Cole and appeared happy to be with her and just what I told you."

They sat drank their coffee and tea. Finally Hoshi stood up and said, "Got to go back to the bridge," and left.

T-Pol pondered what Hoshi had said then followed her after a few minutes. She stepped up to Archer and asked if he could speak with her in the ready room.

"Sure." And they walked in to the Ready room. Archer then looked at T-Pol."What's up?"

"I would like you to accompany me to Engineering," T-pol said hesitantly.  "I am not welcome there now."

"Not welcome? When did that happen? No way my First Officer is unwelcome anywhere on this ship," He barked.

"I am not sure the Engineering staff considers me as First Officer or even an officer," T-Pol said evenly.

"What? Like Hell. Let's go. I will get to the bottom of this."  Archer started to leave the Ready Room.

"Please, don't aggravate the problem," said T-Pol. "I am not that liked by many of the crew, and if you come down hard on the engineering staff, they will blame me."

"I have to do something, but if you don't want me to, I won't press it," Archer replied.

Archer and T-Pol walked into Engineering.  No Trip. "Where is Commander Tucker?" Archer asked Hess.

He is in the matrix junction.  It's very dangerous in there. He's the only one who knows how to get in and out and not be harmed. I don't know how he does it," Hess answered.

Meanwhile T-Pol asked one of the other female crewmen where Trip was, and she pointed out where he was and said nothing.

"Get him out here!  I want to speak to him," Archer barked.

He saw T-Pol starting to walk into the place where Trip was supposed to be and stopped her. "It's too dangerous for you to go in there. Apparently Trip is the only one who knows how to do it. You could be killed or very badly injured," Archer said grimly.

"But, that woman just pointed there and said nothing when I asked her where Commander Tucker was. She didn't say anything about it being dangerous to enter," T-Pol was shaken.

Archer asked which crewmen it was and asked this person, "Why didn't you tell T-Pol it was dangerous to go in there?"

"She just wanted to know where he was. I didn't think she was going in there, so I didn't say anything," the woman replied.

Archer waited for a bit, but Trip did not show his face.

"Hess, where is Tucker? I asked for him ten minutes ago," Archer snarled.

"He says he is in the middle of something that he doesn't dare stop. Now that he has it open, he has to finish and close, or else it could blow. He will be some time. Perhaps you can see him later." She was nervous at Archer being in Engineering and obviously unhapppy.

"Shall we go?" Archer suggested to T-Pol. "Trip won't be coming out for a long time and I have other things to worry about."

As they were leaving, T-Pol again saw hostile looks from the engineering staff that Archer did not see. What was wrong?

T-Pol had a lonely dinner in her quarters. She sat, thought, and made up her mind. She left her quarters and walked to Trip's door. She rang the chime. No answer.  She ran again; no answer. She knocked, said, "Are you in there Commander?" No answer.

She returned to her quartrers, called Engineering: "Is Commander Tucker in Engineering?"

"No, I have no idea where he is, and if I did I wouldn't tell you. Leave him alone." The com was cut off before T-Pol could tell who was speaking. She commed again, but obviously whoever was in Engineering could see she was the one calling  and did not answer.

T-Pol sat brooding for some time then decided to go for some tea. It was late, almost midnight, but she needed little sleep right now. She drew some tea and sat down at a table. She sat staring into her cup thinking. Someone sat down at the table. She looked up it was Cole.

"I suppose I should thank you." Cole remarked.

"Thank me, for what?" T-Pol queried.

"For giving him to me," Cole smirked.

"Giving who to you?" T-Pol asked in surprise.

"You know who," Said Cole.

"I don't know who you are talking about," T-Pol said grimly.

"Commander Tucker. Trip," Cole laughed.

"Commander Tucker? How? When? What do you mean I gave him to you?"

"You know. You deliberately hurt him." Cole snarled.

"I hurt him? I did not!" objected T-Pol.

"Oh yes, he is hurt, any fool can see that. If they look," Cole returned.

"I haven't seen Commander Tucker for days," said T-Pol quietly.

"No wonder after what you did to him."

"What did I do to him?" asked a puzzled T-Pol.

"You know damned well what you did, you Vulcan bitch."

T-Pol sat stunned, she had no idea what Cole was talking about.

"I honestly don't know what you are talking about," T-Pol insisted.

"Well, he is going to be mine Thank you. He is wounded right now.  I don't want him on the rebound, but he will get better, and I will be waiting. Meanwhile I am going to be there for him, listening to his problems, holding his hand, helping him heal. When the time comes, I will bed him, and I won't hurt him, and he will know what kind of woman he has. He will be happy with me. I will see to that. So, thank you again."

"But I have done nothing," protested T-Pol.

"You know, I was worried about you.  He spent an awful lot of time with you: always having coffee in the morning, and lunch, meals in the Captain's Mess. Movie nights. You were my main competition, but no more. He is through with you; he has told me that. So, you must have really hurt him for the guy to say something like that. Anyway, he is mine now. Hands off.  Stay away from him."

T-Pol sat open mouthed, she didn't know how to answer Cole. She saw Cole stand up, get into the lift, give her a big smile and cheery wave.  Then the door closed on her.

T-Pol made her way to her quarters in a daze. Hurt him? She never hurt him. She wouldn't do that. Cole must be lying. T-Pol entered her quarters and fell on the bed, her head whirling. She fought for control. Finally found it, and fell asleep.

The next day, she again talked to Hoshi on the bridge and later met her in the dining hall for coffee.

"Hoshi," she began.

"Ensign Sato," corrected Hoshi.

T-Pol looked at her in surprise, then, "Ensign Sato. I would like to ask a favor of you," she said.

"Depends on what it is," said Hoshi sharply.

Again T-Pol was surprised, Hoshi had been friendlier before.

"Could you ask the females of the Engineering staff to meet with me tonight in the mess hall?  You come too, please. When should it be empty?"

"That would be about 10 at night. No one would be around then. Why do you want to see them?" said Hoshi.

"I want to ask them something, personal. Could you arrange it? Please?"

Hoshi gave her a hard look. "Personal? Why should the female Engineering staff be interested in anything personal with you?

"It is very important. It also is about Commander Tucker."

"Why do you still call him Commander Tucker? You are the same rank. Everyone calls him 'Trip' but you. Oh, I forgot, you are a VULCAN, and Vulcans don't get familiar with lowly Humans."

"That is not true. I don't call him that because everyone does. It is just a nickname."

"Yes, and one he wants people to use because he likes people, and he feels that being able to call him by his nickname will make them more at ease around him. Of course you don't want to be at ease around anyone do you?"

T-Pol could see that this conversation was not going the way she wanted it to.

'You know he hates those cat suits you wear so you can wave your ass at all of the males."

"I wear it because it keeps me warmer. It has a thermal insert."

"Doesn't the Vulcan military have uniforms that aren't so tight, yet still have thermal inserts.  Or do you just like having Human males staring at your butt."

"Can you arrange what I asked, please? I would appreciate it very much?"

'This is the first time I have heard you say 'please' to anyone or admit that you appreciate something someone had done for you."

"Will you? It is very important." T-Pol was intent on ignoring Hoshi's jibes even though they stung.

"I have no reason to, but I will ask them, no promises." With that Hoshi left for the Bridge.

T-Pol decided she would not return to the bridge but go to the Science Department instead. She spent the rest of the day in Science.

That night at ten. T-Pol walked into the dining hall and was relieved to see all of the femal engineering crew memers there and Hoshi too.

T'Pol walked to where they were sitting in a group. "Good evening," she said. "I am happy you could meet with me."

"Save it," snapped one. "All we want is to hear what bullshit you have, then leave."

"You seem to have some grievances against me.  I would like to know what they are, and perhaps I can correct them," T-Pol said.

"You broke his heart, you bitch," shouted one of the females.

"I don't understand," T-Pol said.

Hess stood up."Then let me explain it to you since you seem too thick. You hurt Commander Tucker.  We understand from Corporal Cole that you did it deliberately. He has been a different man. He has made technical mistakes and almost hurt himself because his mind has been elsewhere. He looks like a dog who has been beaten too many times. He seems to have lost his zest for life. He used to be happy, would go around Engineering talking, joking, correcting in a very nice way. He was a great supervisor. We all love him like a big brother. You changed that. He is a shell of what he used to be, and it is all your fault."

"I never hurt him. I wouldn't. He is my friend, maybe my best friend on Enterprise. Why should I hurt him? I like him too," T-Pol said in almost a pleading voice.

You? You cold-hearted bitch. You know why we call you the 'Ice Princess' don't you?" Because you are so damned cold to everyone, holding your nose all of the time, sticking it in the air so you won't smell Human males, and lording it over all of us," yelled another Crewman.

"I have a heightened sense of smell. I have to be careful or I will be overcome by the scents. I don't want to give the impression that I think I am better than you."

"Well you do. Running around pretending you are First Officer when you are nothing. Where is your Rank? What is it? You are just a damned Vulcan civilian living on board Enterprise free. You have no right to act as First Officer. Commander Tucker is the real First Officer.  That is what is on the ships chain of command order.  You weren't even on board when that was published and given to every crew member," said another female.

T-Pol could see that this was a sore point with them and a dangerous subject, so she tried to get them off it. "What was I supposed to have done to hurt the commander? Please tell me. I really have no idea what you mean."

"Christ," jeered one, "this is getting us nowhere. She just wants to bullshit us. We may as well go to bed."

"Wait, please, I don't know what is the truth," T-Pol was openingly pleading now.

"You did something that night the alien got loose. We know because when you were seen sitting at a table, he walked up very happy, you said something to him, he got up from the table looking very bad. When he got to Engineering he was hurting terribly. That is what you did, you know what it is, and it was obviously deliberate. He wasn't expecting it, he looked so happy when he walked up to the table.  Then you said something to him that rippped him apart. Think. It shouldn't be hard to figure out, even for you." Then they stood up and departed the Dining Hall, all except Hoshi.

"I don't know what they are talking about," T-Pol whispered. "I don't."

"Yes, you do, I could see it on your face earlier. You just don't want to admit it to anyone. That is quite an act you have there. Playing the innocent. Almost fooled me but, I have seen you too often and I can read little things. Not much, but somethings. You deserved what you heard tonight. You know that?"

T-Pol let out a low moan. "Don't, please."

"Sorry for twisting the knife. Good night. I hope you hurt as much as he has been."

T-Pol sat watching Hosh depart, she had not expected this. She began to understand what they may have been referring to. But she had not meant to hurt Trip. He took it wrong, she thought. They all thought she had hurt him deliberately. She needed to talk with someone who would be sympathetic. She headed for Sickbay. Phlox would still be up. She badly needed his counsel.

T-Pol walked into Sickbay. It was empty.  "Doctor," she called. Phlox walked out of his office.

"T-Pol,what are you doing here at this time? Can I help you with something? Are you feeling unwell? I can run a quick scan if you want."

"No, Doctor. I am fine. Is everything I tell you confidential or do I have to be a patient?

You are a patient since I am a trained counselor. What is your problem?

I have done something terrible. I have hurt Co . . . Trip badly. They say I did it deliberately."

"Hurt Commmander Tucker deliberately? How, why? When?"

"A few days ago, in the morning at coffee in the Dining Hall."

"I don't understand, how could you hurt him in the Dining Hall? Did you attack him?"

"No, it was something I said. Let me start at the beginning"

"Please do. That would be best."

"I seduced him the night the Alien got loose. We made love and we said many things to one another."

"What things?" asked Pholx.

I called him 'Thalia,' 'Ashayam.' I said 'I love you.'"

"You said that!"

"Yes more than once."

"What did he say?"

"He told me that he loved me and that all he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I said that was my wish too."

"That could not have hurt him. What then?"

That security alarm went off, and Archer was ordering all senior officers to report to post. I still cannot understand why the security teams were not sent to handle that. We could have stayed out of their way. They could have taken care of hings without us."

"Then?'

"After the crisis was over, I returned to my quarters and waited for Trip to come back. But he didn't. I waited all of the rest of the night; he never returned."

I don't wonder, he was here in Sickbay. The alien attacked him, and he was unconscious when they carried him in here. I checked him over, and when he woke he urgently wanted to leave, but I wouldn't let him. I wanted him to stay so I could observe him in case the alien had infected him with something that would later erupt. After a long time I decided it was safe to allow him to return to quarters."

"What time was that?"

"About 6 or 6:30 in the morning. He said he was going to shower, shave, and put on a clean uniform. He seemed very happy when he left. Especially for a man who had tangled with an alien."

"That late? It is no wonder he never returned."

"Well then, how did you hurt him and why did you do it?"

"I thought since he never returned to me that our mating had been a casual sex encounter and meant nothing to him. I had said so many things, and I felt like a fool. He also had aroused some very strong feelings in me. I realized I loved him. I was frightened that he actually didn't care for me and that he was just saying things to make me believe I was doing the right thing in sleeping with him."

"Anything else?"

"That was enough. I was confused, frightened, and unsure of how he felt or what he would say. I felt very vulnerable so I tried to protect myself."

"How did you do that?"

He wanted to talk about what had happened in my quarters the night before. He wanted me to go first. I was sure he was going to tell me that he really didn't mean what he had said. So I said to him that I wanted to thank him for helping me in my exploration of human sexuality. That I had wanted to explore it for some time."

"How did he take that?"

"He said he wasn't a lab rat, then he left."

"You certianly did hurt him.  That was the worst thing you could have said. Why did you say it?"

"I don't know anything about human mating practices or what humans think about having sex with another person. I was ignorant and foolish. I should never had seduced him, but Corporal Cole . . ."

"Yes, she was getting to close to him wasn't she?"

"I didn't want her to have him, I believed he was mine. I just had to show him I cared."

"And put your mark on him at the same time?"

"Yes, I suppose so. I couldn't stand by and let her take him. I had to stop it."

"Well, you certianly chose an effective way  to get his attention and stop him from thinking of her."

"But that stupid thing I said. I didn't think it would hurt him the way it did. I just wanted him to think that it was not that important to me either. I should have waited to see what he was going to say, but I spoke too soon. I feared my courage wouldn't hold up long enough,  so I blurted out what I said."

"So what are the consequences of all of this?

"He has been avoiding me, he is very badly hurt, and everyone on board knows now that I somehow hurt him and they hate me. I have been threatened, cursed, almost spat on. I am alone completely. Except for you."

"Does Captain Archer hate you too?"

"No, but he may know there is something wrong."

"Can't  you go to him and have him tell Commander Tucker that you made a mistake and are sorry?'

"No. I don't want him involved. I have to find some way to tell Trip myself, seek his forgiveness, and then stay out of his life."

"That will be hard on board Enterprise, you will see him every day, have meals with him, occasionally work with him."

"If I can get him to forgive me, I will leave Enterprise. I am not sure where I can go. I am not too welcome on Vulcan as the government holds me responsible for what happened to the monastery. I am not a citizen of Earth but Starfleet may give me an assignment if I become a member of it. I don't know. I just have to get out of his life so he won't see me any more and be reminded of who has hurt him so badly. Doctor, I really didn't mean to hurt him like this. If I had known, I would not have said what I did. I would give anything if I could just take it back, but I can't. He won't believe that I didn't know what I was doing--that I was unsure and unhappy that he did not come back to me that night. I had no idea he was in Sickbay. If I had know, that it would have made a huge difference. I would have welcomed him when he sat down and told him that I meant everything I had said the night before."

"T-Pol, you have a very serious problem, and I don't know how you can solve it. I wish I had good advice for you but as you say, you yourself will have to remedy this."

T-Pol, stood up, "Thank you Doctor, You have been a help. Goodnight."

T-Pol walked from Sickbay to the Provost Office; as first Officer she had access to it and the Provost's safe. She opened it and looked up Trip's access number to his room combo. She memorized it, put away the book, closed the safe, and left the Provost's Office. She knew what she had to do. She looked at her chronometer, it was just eleven at night. She had an idea that Trip would still be up. Even if he wasn't, she was still going to carry out her plan. She was desperate.

She came to Trip's door. Rang the chime, waited, rang again. She knocked and said,  "I know you are in there. I am coming in whether you want me to or not. She keyed in the door combo and started to open the door. She felt a body pushing hard against the other side of the door. Using her superior Vulcan strength she forced the door open. She strode inside. She saw Trip disappear into the bedroom. She caught the bedroom door before it could close and again forced her way in.

Trip stood in the room glaring at her.

"We have to talk," she said. "It is important, please."

"'Exploration of human sexuality'? Is that what it was to you?"

"Did that upset you?" She asked

"Damn right it upset me," He said, then continued: "Who else have you explored human sexuality with? Reed? Travis? Archer? Maybe explored lesbian sexuality too with Hoshi? Did you explore some Denobulan sexuality with Phlox? How many of the crew did you go exploring with?

T-Pol felt as if she had been slapped hard.

"I have never explored with anyone."

"You said you explored with me? I'm someone."

"I meant with anyone else but you."

"You exppect me to believe that?"

"It is true" T-Pol insisted.

"Bullshit."

"Come on tell me. Which one did you have the most fun exploring with? How many times did you explore with them?"

"You are the first male I have ever had intimate relations with and will be the only one."

"Sure," Trip jeered. "For a species who doesn't lie, you sure are doing a good imitation of it."

"Apparently you won't believe anything I say. So there is no use in talking."

"All I want to know is how many other males were in line before me? What kind of tramp are you? Oh, I forgot there was Sim too. Did you do a little clone exploring too? How was he? Same as me? That time he said he had feelings for you, did you drop your robe, drag him into bed, spend the night with him?"

"I told you that I have never had relations with anyone but you. Certainly not Sim."

"I forgot, what about before you boarded Enterprise? You got around a good deal. Meet any interesting males? Hell, you got any kids you want to tell me about?"

T-Pol lost control, she slapped Trip's face hard.

"I hit back," he snapped raising his hand as if to strike her.

T-Pol put up her arms as if to ward off the blow and cringed her mind reeled. I cowered.  I could easily stop him from hitting me but I cowered. It hit her like a bolt of lightning. It was the man she loved who was going to hit her. He must be very angry. I hurt him that morning. Then she saw something that struck fear and terror in her: hate was creeping into his eyes. Her heart sank. Not that, not hate.

T-Pol lowered her arms and stood up. She felt a chill in her body, her mind was in a turmoil. She had gone too far. She knew that now. What to do, how do I get him to listen and believe me? How can I convince him that I love him after I rejected him that morning? She looked at him. There was anger, bitterness, betrayal, and hurt in his eyes and face and something else deep down: a longing. She felt a bit of hope, maybe he would listen, give her a chance to explain and ask for his forgiveness. She couldn't expect anything more than that. His hurt may be too deep.

"Well, I'm waiting for all of the juicy details," Trip snapped. "Maybe I should record it so I can play it when I start to feel like I want to be nice to you . Amuse me. I love dirty stories." Trip was trying to hurt her as much as he was hurt by her words at the table. But he was ashamed of himself. He knew he should stop.  He was afraid he would say the unforgiveable and he didn't want to do that. For some reason he prayed that she could somehow make things right between them again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things it was unfair," Trip said with apology on hs face.

There is a chance, she thought, but I must tell the truth and be careful how I say it. I cannot give him pain again.

"That night, what I said to you, I meant every word, and I cherished everything you said to me."

"You said 'Thalia' and 'Ashayam' to me. I looked them up before I came to the Mess Hall. Did you mean those words?"

"Beloved and My Love, yes, I meant them that night. I mean them now."

"Then why did you tell me that it was just an exploration that morning?"

"Because you did not return after the crisis with the alien was over. I waited, but you did not come back to my quarters. I thought that what had happened between us was meaningless to you. You had started intense emotions in me.  I wanted you to hold me again. If you had come back and we had spent the rest of the night together, I would not have said what I did at the table. I was frightened about what had happened, that you did not feel it was important and that you did not care for me. I panicked. So I put up a barrier before you came into the mess hall to keep from being hurt by your indifference. I was protecting myself."

"So you hurt me with your indifference instead."

"I had these strong feelings. I had never felt them before. They frightened me. I thought I couldn't control them. I wasn't sure about what happened that night. If it meant anything to you."

"So you acted like a teenage girl."

T-Pol nodded, "It shames me."

"What now?" Trip asked quietly.

"Can you forgive me? I don't deserve to ask for anything else. The pain I caused you was my fault, and I must live with the consequences."

"What else would you want besides forgiveness?"

T-Pol voice quavered, failed her for a moment then she said, "Your affection."

"Affection? That all? I can give Hoshi my affection as a friend. Isn't there something more, deeper?"

T-Pol put her hand on Trip's arm and said quietly,"Something I don't dare hope for or deserve:  your love."  

"I am the first man you ever had relations with? It is not important, but if that is true, I can believe the rest of what you have said."

"But you know it is true, you saw the evidence of it that night."

"You cried the first time we made love. I remember that."

"You remember I told you those were tears of joy that a Vulcan maiden sheds at becoming a woman when she mates for the first time with her love--the first time she is intimate with any male?"

"I guess I was a little involved with what we were doing and not what you were saying. But now that you say it, I do remember."

"Then you believe me about that night and why I said what I did at the table that morning?"

"Yes, it makes sense now. But it still hurts like hell."If you had asked me, I would have told you that I was held up in Sickbay, that I wanted to come back to you, but Phlox wouldn't let me."

"Please forgive me. I will go on my knees to beg you if you want, but give me forgiveness."

"Is that all. What about that other thing?"

"What other thing?" T-Pol asked her heart fearing  he would not forgive her, yet wanting desperately to hear those words.

"You can also have my love," he said simply.   

"You love me? I love you more than any male has ever been loved," She said.

"Then I must love you more than any female has ever been loved."

Trip realized they were talking like two teens, but he meant his words and he knew she meant hers too.

"You forgive me then? You still love me?" T-Pol asked happily.

"Yes, I have never stopped loving you, I was just so mad and pained."

"What about Cole?

"Forget her. I was just trying to get your attention and make you jealous. I remembered what happened the last time you got jealous of Cole."

T-Pol stepped into Trips arms and sighed in relief. He loved her and that was all that mattered.

"So what now? Will you stay here tonight?"

"If you willl have me," T-Pol replied.

"Don't even try leaving. We have some making up to do and I can't think of a better way of going about it."

"Agreed," she said. "Perhaps we have too many clothes on?"

"You read my mind. I bet I can get my clothes off first." Trip felt like he was in a dream and acting like a kid.

Their lovemaking was frantic, tender, and entirely satisfying.

As they lay in the afterglow, Trip said, "No more hurting one another, ever again."

"Never," said t-Pol. "I promise."

Sounds good. There is nohing you can do that will be as painful as this time unless you go marrying some other guy."

"That will never happen, Ashyam."

Finis