Thoughts of a Vulcan Schoolboy While Doing His Homework

By Linda

Rating: G

Genres: humour

Keywords:

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Thoughts of a Vulcan School Boy While Doing His Homework By Linda

Disclaimer: No filthy lucre changed hands
Genre: Library at P'Jem, humor


It is illogical to procrastinate. But I do find this essay subject distasteful. It is on the Humans. I am sitting here at my desk in my room, padd in front of me, wishing I was out in the desert behind my parents' home playing sehlat tag with my age mates. It is illogical to be wishing when I should be writing. For if I were writing, I would finish sooner and be out there playing.

Starting to organize my essay. What do I know about humans? I will now make an outline.

A. Facts from the news services:

1. Humans are our allies. Sort of.

2. Humans project an irritating level of emotion. They can't help it. Apparently.

3. There are only a few Vulcans who can tolerate working with humans. One is Ambassador Soval. He has lived with them for over thirty years. His sanity at this point is under question. Another is Sub Commander T'Pol who has worked with them on one of their space service ships. She is thought to have gone native and Father says her name is not to be mentioned in our house. There is also Ambassador V'Lar who has worked with them briefly. They helped her, so she never says anything derogatory about them. She also has worked with Andorians and is well respected for her negotiations with them. She is diplomatic and silent about their shortcomings too. First Minister T'Pau has worked with that human ship captain, Archer, in company of Sub Commander T'Pol in the desert during the last days of the High Command. Archer did something that aided the Vulcan people at that time that is top secret classified. What could a mere Human ever do to be classified like that? Must have been something sordid that a Vulcan would not do. I suppose we should be grateful.

4. Humans are 200.75 Vulcan years behind us in technological development. But they are catching up and that is not a good thing.

5. We exchange obsolete technology items for a variety of human foods. It is a fair and equitable trade.

B. Rumors and opinions:

1. Father says it is best to avoid Humans, Andorians, and most other aliens.

2. Mother says the women at her workplace think the male Humans are esthetically pleasing to look at, so it is wise for Vulcan women to avoid them.

3. When I asked Father if he thought Human females were attractive, he stared daggers at me and said no. But his eyes linger on them on the vid screen.

4. My age mates at school think Humans must smell like iron with that weird red blood.

C. My exposure to Humans:

1. Field trip to embassy row in ShirKar with level 4 school class this year. One Human stepped out of our way as we walked single file down the street. It smiled at us. In public! It was oddly dressed, but I think it was a female. Fortunately I was not close enough to it to notice any odor.

D. Humans on the Vid screen:

1. I liked the Hamlet play. I liked the nature documentaries about the planet earth. I liked the biography of Gandhi. I watched these with my parents.

2. The padds I got from Savark, he brought to school under his cloak and said he got them from his elder cousin in the merchant marine space service. I keep them under my bed. I watch them when my parents think I am asleep. I did not know that mating could be done like that. I have only watched domestic sehlats. Euww. And wild birds. Euww. Vulcans have similar biology to Humans but Father will not discuss our mating practices with me yet. Neither will Mother. But I am sure we Vulcans have a less animalistic way to accomplish fertilization.

I think I have enough information for a first draft of my essay. Maybe I better not use any illustrations from my hidden stock of padds.

 


Comments:

Firestar

Very well done. You should do one on Vulcans from the human perspective.

Lisa

Escriba

I almost chocked on myself reading this. Sooo funny... You've captured the teenage spirit and transfered in into Vulcan culture.

Best part: "2. The padds I got from Savark, he brought to school under his cloak and said he got them from his elder cousin in the merchant marine space service. I keep them under my bed. I watch them when my parents think I am asleep. I did not know that mating could be done like that. I have only watched domestic sehlats. Euww."

Good job!

KKGlinka
Sporfle.
Dinah
It sounds like Vulcan boys have a lot in common with Human boys. I have a feeling this boy's teacher may get more than he or she bargained for. Your story is terrific!
Distracted
Clever little piece. Very funny.
Linda
This was a fun one to write, giggling all through it and thinking of my grandkids. I was thinking this Vulcan boy is not quite adolescent yet, the hormones have not kicked in. He is extremely curious as most Vulcans are - as most sentients are, about taboo subjects. The secrecy intrigues him so he goes after the forbidden fruit, LOL. And like most kids, he is good at seeing the ambivalence in his parents. I am glad I was able to express that so it sort of came through in this ficlet. Humor has become my favorite genre.
bluetiger
How wonderful, Vulcan boys keep Playboy padds under their beds too. Great story.
Anonymous
Cute! It seems adolescents are much the same across the galaxy...:p
Elessar
Linda you produce the most exquisite little Vulcan gems, I LOVE IT! I esp. like that it is not Trip and T'Pol's child because that makes it all the more interesting of a perspective from an every day Vulcan (and his family) through what he says of his parents! :D
Asso
Playful and meaningful! Absolutely lovely!
panyasan
Really funny! Loved the line 'His sanity on this point is in question.' and the Euww at the end.
Pitseleh
I [i]loved[/i] this piece. It's hilarious on so many levels! More!!! Please!!!

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