Healing to Your Life

Chapter 1

Summary: This story begins with Trip and T'Pol grieving for their daughter. Their relationship had just begun. Now they must find a way to rebuild their life with each other and their friends. Please R&R. What do you like or dislike?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Enterprise, Star Trek, or the characters. Paramount and/or CBS does. I'm just having some fun and not making a cent.

Rating: PG

Thanks B.S. for editing. I really appreciate it and I'm sure the readers do also.

“Lieutenant Reed is everything ready?” Malcolm continued to pack the supplies.

“Yes, sir. I'm just not sure why we're doing this, Captain.”

“Trip and T'Pol have refused to take leave and they need time to grieve. It's our responsibility as their friends to make sure that's exactly what they do. Dr. Phlox says if they don't take some time to deal with their grief they won't be any good to anybody soon.” The Captain knew that they didn't go on leave because they had nowhere where to go. T'Pol had no family on Vulcan and Trip's family hadn't dealt with the loss of their own daughter fully yet, so he didn't want to burden them. Terra Prime had made threats and made it impossible for Starfleet to allow them to go to Earth anyway, as they weren't convinced they would be safe.

“Well, I know they both keep everything inside. Sometimes I think Trip suppresses his emotions as much as T'Pol does.”

Archer thought about this for a moment. Trip came across as an open book emotionally, but he wasn't. The strongest deepest feelings he kept hidden. “He'd hold his own with them wouldn't he.“ He knew Trip and T'Pol had become friends and he often wondered if it was because Trip had found someone who was just as private as he was about his inner life.

Just then Phlox appeared. “Is there anywhere special I need to put this?” He asked as he laid down his gear for the outing.

“No, doctor. I'll have my men put it in the shuttlepod.” Reed informed him as he turned to give his security team instructions.

“Didn't you say 09:00 Captain?” The doctor questioned as Archer took notice of the time on the chronometer across the bay.

“Yes, I did but it seems the Commanders are both running late this morning. We'll give them 15 minutes.” Jon expected Trip to be late he always had been. T'Pol on the other hand was always on time. In fact she was usually early.

Ten minutes later both Trip and T'Pol entered the shuttle bay. They each had decided to dress in casual clothes as they were supposed to be on leave. Each held a duffel with their belongings in them at their side. The Captain looked at them both standing there. Phlox had been right. They looked like raw, open wounds. In such a state that the slightest touch would cause them to simply fall apart in a heap on the floor. If eyes were the windows into the soul then he wanted no part of what he saw emanating from the two sets of eyes had just tried to look into. There was so much pain, hurt, sorrow, and grief that he couldn't imagine how it was ever going to be better, but it was if he had anything to say about it. He'd watched Trip disappear after Lizzie died and he wasn't prepared to let that happen again. T'Pol had saved his friend then, but now she was just as lost and couldn't be expected to do more than save herself.

”Everyone's here so let's get going.” Archer watched as Trip allowed T'Pol to step into the pod first. They each took seats at the far end of the pod, clutching their bags tightly in their fist like anchors, as the Doctor, Lt. Reed, and the security team took their seats. The Captain took the pilots seat and ran through the checklists before powering up to take off.

Malcolm watched his friend sitting there. He knew Trip hadn't wanted to come on this little expedition, but the Captain had made it an order, so he stopped arguing about it. Reed and Hoshi had spent days finding this planet. It was uninhabited, had climates that ranged from snowy to tropical, much like Earth, but with less humidity. They were going to camp here for a week with nothing to do but relax. Trip and T'Pol hadn't been spending anytime with the rest of the crew. No idle chit chat with anyone, not even each other. The pair spent all their time together, but no one heard them speak a word that wasn't work related since Elizabeth's funeral.

Once the shuttle landed and they found an area to set up camp Trip and T'Pol seemed to enter a world all their own. Their friends watched as Trip took T'Pol's tent and began setting it up for her without being asked. She assisted him silently then they took his and set it up next to her own. Trip carefully laid out a sleeping bag and pillows in T'Pol's tent before doing the same in his own. He nodded to her before placing her bag in her tent as he watched her walk away from the camp.

“T'Pol we have to talk out loud or they are going to figure this out. I have no problem keeping our private life private, but to do that we have to be careful. How else am I supposed to explain that I just know where or how you are?”

“I hadn't thought about that. It's just too hard to talk to anyone but you right now. My emotions are too strong and my control is too weak to deal with their emotions too.”

“I understand and I will do whatever you need me to do. You don't have to talk to anyone but me. I'll take care of everything, just help me keep them from being curious about us as much as possible. Can you do that?”

“I will do whatever you need me to do. I promised we would get through this together and I meant that, but I need to regain my control.”

“Do you need me to meditate with you or can you do it on your own?”

“I still am unable to meditate without your assistance, but I would like to spend some time alone. I will let you know when to come to me.”

“I'll just tell the Captain you told me you were going while we were putting up the tents.”

“Agreed.”

Trip moved to a spot near the campfire the group had started, grabbed a backrest, stuck it in the dirt, and sat down. He filled a cup with coffee from the pot sitting near the fire and laid back closing his eyes and waited. He counted 1001...1002...1003.. to see how long it would be before someone asked where T'Pol had gone. Jon made it all of 8 seconds.

“Do you know where T'Pol went, Trip?”

With his eyes closed he responded. “Yeah, Captain, she said she needed some time alone. She's fine, just let her be.”

“Are you sure she'll be alright by herself?” Jon asked with concern in his voice.

Trip almost laughed at this. He answered without opening his eyes. “She may be an emotional wreck, but she's still a Vulcan. In fact she's probably more dangerous now than normal, so don't worry about her. She can take care of herself.” Besides Trip thought to himself 'she has me to protect her'. He felt an inking of pride coming from T'Pol.

Archer sat staring at Trip. He seemed to be more at ease than he had been earlier. By no means relaxed, but better. He had begun to realize he didn't know Trip much anymore. They had been friends for years before Enterprise, but after the Xindi attacked everything changed. Being the Captain of Enterprise had taken precedence over all else. Jonathon Archer became his father during that time. The part of his father he always hated. The part that became so obsessed with his work that nothing else mattered. Friends were irrelevant and unnecessary. Emotional connections only made the job harder. He began to understand the attitude Lt. Reed used to have about being close to those you work with. He now knew Malcolm had abandoned his own belief and befriended Trip at some point in their mission. He wasn't sure how close their friendship had become, but he knew they were closer than he and Trip were at this point.

Phlox stood over Trip with his scanner. He appeared to be waiting until the Commander sensed his presence. When Trip finally showed awareness and opened his eyes the doctor stepped closer. “I'd like to run a couple of scans to be sure your system is coming back into balance, Commander Tucker.”

Trip jumped up and moved away. “I'm fine doc. I'll get more sleep. I'll eat three meals a day. But no more exams. Stay away from me with that thing. Just let me be.” He yelled angrily as he walked quickly to T'Pol's tent.

He removed something from her bag. On his way toward the campfire he grabbed a blanket. Once he refilled his coffee he poured hot water into another cup and dropped a teabag into it and headed in the same direction T'Pol had gone earlier. Malcolm ran to catch up with him.

“Trip, are you alright?”

“I'll be okay. Just tired of being poked and prodded. I'm going to meditate with T'Pol we'll be back later.”

“Hang on I'll get you something to take for lunch. You just told Phlox you'd eat three meals a day and if you don't it will give him just the excuse he needs to keep trying to exam you.”

Malcolm was right Trip thought as sat the cups on the rock next to him and waited. If Trip didn't start taking better care of himself the Doc would force him to submit to a through exam and he couldn't do that. He'd promised T'Pol to keep their relationship private and if Phlox took scans he might discover something they weren't prepared to deal with yet. The only person T'Pol agreed to confide in was Malcolm and Trip hadn't decided if he was going to do that or not. He simply needed time to clear his head a little before he made any decisions that affected their future. Once they told anyone the likelihood of it remaining a secret became less and less likely.

Malcolm returned with two meals. “I got the vegetable surprise for T'Pol and the meat surprise for you.” Trip knew how much Malcolm hated these prepackaged meals. He said they reminded him of baby food. It all had different names and ingredients, but somehow all tasted the same. He hadn't ever thought of them like that until Mr. I'll eat most anything brought it up on a previous away mission. From what he could remember about the stuff his aunts fed their babies he had to agree. Well maybe not the desserts. He'd taste tested them when helping to feed his nieces and nephews and with the exception of pears he liked most of those.

“Do what you can to keep those two away from me. I'm gonna say or do something I'll regret later if they don't just back off.” Trip had come close to throwing punches at both of them recently.

“I'll do my best. Let me know if you need anything okay.” Malcolm had seen him like this when Lizzie died. He had tried to help him then and made it worse because Trip wasn't ready to be helped. He had the Xindi to direct all his anger and rage in his quest to get revenge then, but now he had no one to rage against. He couldn't take out Terra Prime and others like them, so he vented on whomever happened to be around when he became overwhelmed.

“Thanks, Mal.” Trip said wearily as he turned and walked away.

“Maybe I should try meditating. Do you think it will help me as much as it has you?”

Trip adjusted the blanket and meals in his grasp, so he could again carry the coffee and tea to the spot T'Pol had chosen for their meditation and neuro-pressure. “Anytime you want to learn we'll teach you.” Would meditation help Mal? Probably and it sure couldn't hurt. It might help him relax and be less stiff and standoffish with people. Trip and Travis seemed to be the only ones he associated with in his off duty time. It struck him as strange that the one person who was more reclusive than he had been lately was now trying to get him to step back out into the world. The more Trip thought about it the more he knew that Malcolm needed Trip's outgoing nature to help him develop any non work related relationship with the crew.

T'Pol reached up and took the cup of tea. Trip put the lunches down with his coffee and laid the blanket out near T'Pol.

“As much as I hate to admit it Jon was right. We needed to get off the ship. Break the routine.” Now if he could just get the captain and Phlox to let him grieve in peace.

“I would never have thought I would find such a place calming.”

“How 'bout we eat this delicious lunch Malcolm sent first, then meditate. Neuro-pressure last because I always need a nap after.” T'Pol told him about the positions she hadn't taught him that were meant to stimulate rather than relax. Those lessons would come later. For now they both needed rest. Good uninterrupted, dreamless sleep. He'd spent all his time in T'Pol's quarters. He curled up on her bed sleeping with her next to him. Being here with Jon, Phlox, and Malcolm made sleeping in the same tent impossible, so he had every intention of taking a nap snuggled up to T'Pol before they went back to camp.

After meditating and completing all the neuro-pressure postures they could do with their clothes on they'd laid down, snuggled up and fallen to sleep. Trip heard the snapping of twigs before he opened his eyes. He knew it was late afternoon because the air felt warm and still and he could feel the sun on his back instead of on his face. When he looked in the direction of the noise he saw Malcolm with his tricorder standing watching them. Trip put his finger to his lips as he disentangled his arms and legs from his embrace of T'Pol.

Malcolm knew these two had become close friends, but now he knew it was more. They had been wrapped around each other sleeping. T'Pol had not only allowed Trip to enter her space, but she allowed him to hold her and Trip hadn't been embarrassed at being caught in such a position with her.

“Sorry to bother you, but the Captain was getting worried that you hadn't come back, so I came looking for you before he did.”

“Having the Captain find us together like that wouldn't....” Trip didn't finish because Malcolm put his hand up in his face.

“You don't have to say it. He's the Captain and you two want your personal life to stay private. I get it.”

Trip turned and headed in the direction of what he thought was a beach. T'Pol had told him it was there, but he hadn't checked it out yet. Any other time that would have been the first thing he'd have done when they landed, but today he'd needed to take care of T'Pol first. “Let's see if we can find the beach.”

“Will T'Pol be okay if she wakes up and you're gone?”

Trip was touched that Malcolm cared. “She's still asleep. She'll know where I'm at and join us when she wakes up.”

Malcolm didn't inquire as to how that was possible. Watching Trip's body language assured him his friend wasn't worried and knew what he was talking about, so he continued to follow him.

They found the beach. Trip immediately took off his shoes and walked toward the water. The color of the water went from a pale green on the shoreline to a deep blue farther out. The sand was white and he could feel the warmth as it worked its way between his toes. The coarseness massaged the bottom of his feet as he continued his quest to get them wet.

Malcolm stopped just before they reached the place in the sand where the waves stopped their assault on the beach. He watched as his friend walked out knee deep, stood there and inhaled the fresh air filling his lungs several times. With each breath tension seemed to be released from his body.

Trip turned and walked back inland away from the water's edge. When he sat in the sand Malcolm sat across from him.

“Mal, I really need you to keep quiet about T'Pol and I. You can't say anything to anybody. There's a lot I need to tell you, but not today.”

“No one will hear anything from me. You told me once that you should have never gotten involved with her. It seems you were wrong.”

“We haven't exactly been the best at talking to each other. It made everything so much worse than it needed to be.”

“You talk all the time. In fact your banter back and forth has been some of the most memorable on the bridge.”

“We talk, but sometimes it feels like it's in code. We can't seem to say what we mean clearly and directly.”

“You just need to work on it. Now is probably a good time to start while you help each other get through this.”

Trip turned just as T'Pol became visible walking toward them. “The nap helped you more than it helped me I see.”

“Thank you for making me rest. I was being stubborn.”

“I'm just glad you finally listened to me. There's no need to thank me for taking care of you. Now is there anything you need besides meditation right now?”

“No. I'll take my candle and go meditate over there, so you and the Lieutenant can continue to talk.”

“Hang on a second.”

“We're going to meditate now. You said you'd like to learn. This is as good a time as any if you were serious.” Trip had mentioned meditating to Malcolm before. Malcolm could use some relaxation techniques. Even if he never meditated the breathing exercises would come in handy.

The three sat in a circle on the beach around the burning candle. It took T'Pol half an hour to get Lt. Reed to relax, while taking cleansing breaths. Then another half hour to find something to focus on to calm himself. Humans had so much trouble using the candle flame like Vulcans were trained to do. Trip had to find a faint noise of some kind in the background if his engine was not available. Malcolm finally closed his eyes and focused on his breathing in and out. While Trip and T'Pol meditated together in their white space, Malcolm found himself floating in the stars. He had no idea if this were normal but he felt light and free from all the stress in his life. This is where he was suddenly shaken from when the Captain and Phlox found them.

“Hey, Captain.” Malcolm could tell he wasn't happy. The sun was just starting to go down so Malcolm knew they must have been sitting here for several hours.

Trip's eyes opened and T'Pol's followed. The look from Archer made them all feel as if they were school children caught doing something wrong on the playground at recess. Trip was in no mood to be scolded. “Is there a problem Captain?” Trip hadn't even tried to hide the edge in his voice.

“Just that you two disappeared hours ago and nobody knew where you were.” Not to mention Malcolm had gone in search of them and disappeared himself. “When did you two start meditating?” Archer inquired as he pointed at Trip and Malcolm.

“I started meditating several weeks ago when T'Pol suggested it might help me sleep along with the neuro-pressure. Malcolm started today.” Trip didn't really want to fight with Jon. Their friendship was strained enough, but he wasn't going to let him do anything to interfere with his and T'Pol's grieving process either. He'd gotten his way and made them come to this planet, but they didn't need to be watched like children. “We're fine and I'm sorry we've been gone all day. But it really had been a good day, so let's just go back to camp and get some dinner.” He hoped that ended this discussion.

“Try talking to the Captain about your friendship. Let him know this isn't the time to try to repair it, but you will as soon as you are feeling stronger.”

“I will. How is it that someone who never had friends before understands how to be one?”

“You have been a very good teacher.” Trip smiled within their bond.

Trip leaned in towards Malcolm's ear. “Mal, could you get Phlox to walk up ahead with you so I can talk to Jon? I need to do a little damage control before he gets more bent out of shape. He and I need to spend some time working on our friendship.” The mental list of things he needed to work on kept getting longer.

Malcolm and Trip had discussed this matter several times. Trip had been angry that the Captain had let Enterprise and their mission come between them. He'd refused to make any allowance for the responsibilities Archer had. Malcolm knew that Trip had finally come to understand that they could still be friends, just not like they had been before. Malcolm now suspected that T'Pol had been the one to finally break through Trip's stubbornness to make him see that he simply needed to redefine their relationship until they were no longer serving on the same ship. The Captain hadn't come to that realization yet. Trip needed to find the words to explain the new boundaries their relationship would need to have. It wasn't perfect, but it was the best they could do until Jon was no longer Trip's superior officer. Enterprise would always come first for Jon. Trip required the same loyalty from Jon that Trip and Malcolm now shared to get back to where they started. It made Trip sad, but he finally accepted that that was the way it had to be for now.

When the rest of the group got far enough ahead Trip brought up his concerns. “Jon, I know we need to talk, but I can't do that right now. I'm exhausted and just getting myself out of bed every day is a struggle right now. Can we get together once we get back on Enterprise? We can start having breakfast once or twice a week if you want or even dinner.”

Trip, T'Pol, and, Jon used to have dinner together most every night and Trip had no objection to re-instituting it, but not every night. Since they stopped he discovered he enjoyed having meals with T'Pol and/or Malcolm in the mess hall or in their quarters. He no longer wanted to restrict his off duty time to one or two people. He needed more to his life than work and one friend. He got into emotional trouble when he cut himself off from people and he wanted to avoid that in the future. If he hadn't had T'Pol and Malcolm he doubted he would have survived the last 2 years.

“We could go back to dinner with T'Pol.” Jon offered. He'd missed having company at dinner.

“Can we maybe not do it every night and designate some nights to exclude ship's business or have breakfast when we need to discuss business.”

“Is there some reason you don't want to have dinner every night?” Jon was hurt that Trip didn't seem to want to spend much time with him.

“It's just I have other people in my life that I like to spend mealtimes with. I've kind of gotten used to having meals with my friends. And I really like eating alone sometimes or with others there but not talking.” He ate with T'Pol most nights, but he did have times when he ate in his quarters by himself. He found that he actually liked the quiet. He needed it sometimes.

“I guess we can do that. We'll have breakfast to discuss ship's business and dinner a couple of nights a week. Any preferences?”

Trip already knew which nights. The two nights that chef made the Captain and Trip's favorite dishes. T'Pol had asked him to try to cut down on his meat eating for health reasons. This way he would could do that by restricting himself to one night a week for meat. “Wednesday (for seafood or cat fish) and Sunday (for steak or prime rib) work for me. Maybe we could throw in a water polo match once in a while after dinner on Sunday when you have new ones.”

Jon's mood lightened when he mentioned watching water polo with him. They hadn't watched a match in months. “Sounds good. Should I invite T'Pol to join us?”

“Why not ask her to come on Wednesday nights if you want and keep Sunday just us guys?” He knew she'd appreciate not having to sit through their steak dinners and Sunday would give her another night on her own. He and Malcolm had been doing Thursday night workout sessions and often played pool or cards while shooting the breeze. He'd missed the last 3 weeks. He needed to make a point of talking to Malcolm about that.

“So is there anything I can do for you while we're down here?”

“T'Pol and I are helping each other and we just need everybody to let us. We're going to get through this, just back off and let us find our own way.”

Jon resented the fact that Malcolm obviously was able to help them. Seeing the three of them meditating had been a jolt to his system. Trip could never sit still and Malcolm didn't seem like the type of person who would believe in spiritual contemplation of any kind. Jon was just beginning to see how much Trip had changed and how much he had to learn about his new life. He carried himself different. He wasn't as accepting of what others told him unless they were within a very select circle, which Jon was sure he had been moved out of. The old Trip wouldn't have negotiated terms for their renewed friendship. He would simply have gone along with whatever Jon had suggested. He wasn't sure if he liked some of these changes, but he knew he had no choice but to accept them if he stood any chance of repairing their friendship.

Phlox had been standing back watching the Commanders as they prepared dinner. Chef had packed a variety of meats, vegetables, and desserts for the group and they were putting together their meal. He kept his distance knowing full well that Commander Tucker hated doctors and was adamant about not being under observation and examined unless he was deathly ill. T'Pol was almost as bad. She refused to let him examine her unless she was unable to prevent it due to immobility for whatever reason. Her refusal for medical treatment of any kind had gotten worse in the last several weeks. The only person she seemed to have any contact with was Commander Tucker and now apparently Lt. Reed. Something had taken place in the time the three were gone today, but he had no idea what it was. He only knew that all three seemed more relaxed and at ease with each other than he had ever seen them before.

The next morning T'Pol got up early and headed off on her own. Trip woke later and found Malcolm drinking coffee by the fire. Once he checked on T'Pol through the bond he got his own coffee.

“So how'd you sleep?”

“Good. I felt great after we came back to camp last night. I never believed you when you told me about meditating. It thought you just liked it because you liked your instructor.” Malcolm said almost whispering.

“Well I do, but the meditation helps too. Keep practicing and it gets easier and it also gets better. Your sense of time gets better, so you know how long you've been at it. I had T'Pol to help with that so I wasn't late for my shift or for a staff meeting. Now I can go for 5 minutes or 5 hours depending on how much time I have. If you can't meditate try just doing the breathing. It helps you calm down and clear your head. It keeps me from losing my temper as much as I used too.” It wasn't working well right now though.

“Are you two going to be alright. You've both lost so much since this mission started. I keep wondering when you'll reach that breaking point.”

“I thought it was Elizabeth's death for both of us, but we're surviving. It's easier doing this together, but it's also harder sometimes. There are days when the magnitude of the emotions from both of us are more than I think we can handle. But then there are moments when the emotions are so incredible that I can't believe how lucky we are. We just need more of those incredible moments strung together to remind us what's waiting for us at the end of all this. Yesterday was the first time either of us went for more than an hour not feeling totally devastated. I hadn't had more than an hours sleep at a time until that nap we took.”

Malcolm had worried that they might not sleep last night after having slept so long in the afternoon. “Did you sleep last night?”

“I had bad dreams all night like usual. Neuro-pressure and T'Pol are the only things that stop them. If the neuro-pressure doesn't work sleeping next to her helps me sleep. I keep her awake when I don't sleep, so I have to do whatever I can to keep myself from having nightmares.”

“That's why you stopped drinking coffee at night.” Malcolm asked him at the time why he stopped but Trip would never say.

“It's really hard to explain not sleeping to a sleep deprived, pissed off Vulcan if you've been drinking a stimulate at all hours.”

Archer and Phlox joined them with their own morning beverages. Trip sat back and listened to the three men talk and let his mind drift.

Once Trip assured everyone that T'Pol was fine off by herself he decided he needed to get into the water. He grabbed a pair of clean Starfleet blues, a pair of shorts, a towel, and headed to the beach still in his pajama bottoms. Malcolm wouldn't swim, but he decided sitting in the warm sand was relaxing so he followed after him. Jon and Phlox soon fell into line behind them. As they watched Trip strip off his pj's and run bare-assed into the water Malcolm wondered when he had gotten so uninhibited. Maybe the fact that it was just the men there had something to do with it, but when T'Pol showed up and headed toward the water Malcolm felt his insides cinch up. When her feet hit the water she stopped. Trip still unconcerned carried on a conversation with her between diving underwater.

Jon entered the water and started teasing Trip about being stuck in the water as long as T'Pol was here. She knew he had decided to swim nude but had to play along with not knowing.

“Is there some problem I'm unaware of Captain?” T'Pol asked with her most innocent voice.

“Just that our chief engineer found it to be necessary to swim without benefit of a bathing suit.” Archer answered.

“Is that true Commander?”

“You weren't here when I came in and now that you are you can just turn around when I decide to get out.” Trip grinned as he shrugged his shoulders.

“I may decide to sit right here for several hours. I've never seen a fully nude human male before and one who looks like a prune would be interesting, indeed.” He knew she was teasing him.

“Well, if you wouldn't be embarrassed Commander then I won't be either.” He yelled back over his shoulder. ”I guess there's no problem after all Jon.” Trip knew Jon would think he was bluffing, but T'Pol issued a challenge and he was in no mood to ignore it. If she followed through with her threat he wasn't sure what he would do. Looking at her right now and searching for some answer in the bond Trip couldn't be sure if she was serious or not.

When he tired of swimming Trip looked to the beach where T'Pol stood watching him. He made a turning motion with his finger. “T'Pol if you'll turn around and walk about five feet back I'll let you know when you can turn back around. We can go make breakfast and go for that walk you mentioned earlier.”

Trip waited for her to do as he asked. She kept staring at him. She made no move to comply. He waited and tried coaxing her silently, but she didn't move and didn't respond to his internal pleas. After telling her several times that he was coming out whether she turned around or not he started moving. He had no reason to be embarrassed as she had seen him naked before, but the others didn't know that. She stayed put until the very last second just to see if he would stop or not. He hadn't. He was still in just enough of a pissy mood to want to take up the challenge without considering the consequences.

Malcolm watched Captain Archer's reaction when Trip took the step that brought him into full view of T'Pol without the slightest of hesitation. But when he saw that Trip dared her and she backed down his expression changed. Jon wasn't sure there was anyone else who would even attempt such a thing with his first officer and he doubted that if there were that they would have pushed her that far and won.

“You sure pushed that to the limit darlin'. I thought Jon was going to have a heart attack right here.”

“It was pleasurable to see the Captain turn several shades of red.”

“Just be careful that sense of humor of yours doesn't get us into trouble.”

“They think it was just another example of our challenging each other.”

“What do you mean? If it wasn't just another challenge then what was it?”

“My way of appreciating the physical attributes of my mate while challenging him.”

“This is neither the time or place to be appreciating my attributes.” That's all he needed was to have a physical reaction to her in front of three other guys.

Trip dried off and pulled on his underwear and shorts as he considered T'Pol's playful mood. “You can turn around now.” His mood wasn't her fault. He winked at her just before he turned back toward the water. “We're going to go have some breakfast and then go for a walk. We'll catch up later.”

With that the couple went back to camp leaving Malcolm practicing his breathing while Jon swam and Phlox finished reading whatever he had brought along.

They walked for almost an hour before they came across a stand of trees that provided a shaded place to sit with protection from being seen by anyone approaching before they became aware. They spent some time meditating together quietly then T'Pol snuggled in tighter against his chest as they talked.

“Trip do you wish you had gone home to see your parents when Captain Archer gave you the time?” She didn't have a family to go home to but she knew his family was very important to him.

“My mom and dad are still not over Lizzie. I couldn't go there and make them deal with our grief too. It would have been too hard on them and me. Starfleet ordered me not to tell them anything. I used to tell them most everything that happened to me and I probably would have continued to tell them most things even if I had to edit out the worst of it. Since Lizzie died I don't tell them much of anything that really happens. It would scare them to death. And I would have wanted you to come with me, but I'm not ready to discuss us with anybody but you and Malcolm.”

“Do you think your parents would be upset about you being with a Vulcan?”

“I don't think so, but they would have too many questions that I'm not ready to answer. It's not that I can't it's that I really want to keep us between us for as long as possible. You and I can talk about whatever you want, but I want us to enjoy each other for a while before anybody else has anything to say about it. Do you understand?”

“I think I do. There will be issues to deal with once others know about our relationship and it would be too much right now.” Being together was hard enough on Enterprise without the Captain and crew knowing. They hadn't really faced the problems their relationship brought to their professional life and she knew they weren't going to deal with them until they had to. Trip remained ever the optimist believing that everything would work out for the best even in the face of experiences that had shown him otherwise. He refused to see problems or deal with them until they were unavoidable. But once he turned that corner there was no stopping him. He attacked them with everything he had.

Most of his innocence had been lost when their mission changed to pursuing the Xindi, but not all. He lost track of those remaining hopeful parts of himself from time to time, but T'Pol was grateful that happened for shorter and shorter periods of time now. At some point she had begun to depend on his enthusiasm and love of life. It took her a long time to realize how much she needed that from him. Almost as much as she knew he needed it for himself.

Trip had been taking in this planet since they arrived. “Darlin', not to change the subject but do you have any idea why this planet is uninhabited? I mean there's water, plant life, clean air and everything else to sustain life, so why isn't there at least some wildlife here?”

“I have been asking myself the same question. Perhaps we should ask Malcolm. Didn't he and Hoshi find this planet?”

“I think so. All I know is that Jon said that it had several different climates and no life signs. If something happened to wipe out all the wildlife it must have happened several hundred years ago right? Wouldn't it have taken that long for the vegetation to grow this big?”

“You're correct. They have thorough sensor readings and scans I can study. I'm curious about it, but the Captain ordered us to relax for the entire week. He said absolutely no work. So unless we are going to choose to disobey an order it will have to wait until we get back to Enterprise.”

“How many times have I tried to get you to forget work and you wouldn't do it?”

He caught her devilish little grin in his mind's eye. “You cannot order me to but Captain Archer can.” Trip wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. They both felt how good it was to tease back and forth again. They rested back against the tree and dozed for a couple of hours. They were going to have to do modified neuro-pressure sessions together in Trip's tent if there was going to be any possibility he could get to sleep at night. T'Pol had already begun to work out what positions they could complete without changes and how they could modify others to be acceptable here.

When they returned to camp they grabbed something for lunch and then went to find the rest of their group on the beach. Jon and Malcolm were trying to teach Phlox how to throw a frisbee. They had fashioned it out of some scrap material they found. It wasn't the best looking thing he'd ever seen, but it seemed to serve the purpose. As Trip watched the doctor try to throw the thing back to them he remembered his childhood days on a beach. “Doc, you remind me of Lizzie when we tried to teach her how to throw a frisbee. We spent days trying and she could never get the damn thing more than a foot or two off the ground before it nosedived into the sand. She could skip a rock twice as far as I could, but frisbees were beyond her.” Trip explained as he tried to show Phlox how to throw it back to Jon. After several more attempts Phlox handed it back to Trip stating he would continue to watch and learn from his technique.

Malcolm and Jon both took note of Trips casual mention of his sister. At least that wound seemed to have healed. T'Pol had felt his mood start to change. He continued to be fine until he reached out with his left arm to grab the frisbee as it zoomed by. The minute he felt the twinge from the not quite healed injury whatever barriers had been keeping the pain away broke.

T'Pol felt it and wanted nothing more than to go to him, but could not. She made herself stay seated and kept her face from registering her discomfort. Trip had tossed the frisbee and ran down the beach on his own. Reed knew Trip would need solitude for a while. He wasn't surprised to hear his friend tell Phlox, who had taken off after him, to go away and leave him alone.

“Are you okay Trip?”

“You know how it is. Fine one minute and a mess the next. You'd think I'd be used to this by now. Between us we've been in mourning for the last two years for one reason or another.” Lizzie, their relationship, Lorian, lost crew mates, Koss, T'Les, and now Elizabeth. “Are you okay? I know my emotions screw you up too.” Trip wanted her near him. It helped just to hold her hand.

“I will be fine. I feel your tears.” She knew he wouldn't stop until he had gone far enough away to be out of sight of the others. He would not allow himself to cry in front of them if he could avoid it. She had yet to determine if it was some misplaced male pride or just his need to keep his deepest feelings private that caused this behavior. T'Pol rose and walked back toward camp until she was sure no one would see where she had gone. She changed direction to find her way down the beach.

Once she found him they moved off the sand back where they could not be seen. Trip sat down and pulled her down so she sat between his legs and against his chest. He laid his head on her shoulder and let the tears roll down his cheeks. They meditated until the sun started to set then returned to camp.

Malcolm stood up. He bent down and whispered into T'Pol's ear. “I'm going to go make dinner. Is there anything I should know besides go easy on any spices and no meat for you?”

Trip obviously had discussed her with Malcolm. At least enough that he knew she didn't like really spicy food. “There isn't anything else you need to know. I wasn't aware that you knew how to cook.”

“I don't do it often, but my mother insisted I know how to keep myself from starving. She assumed I would be a bachelor all my life.” He had trouble with all relationships, but having a relationship with a woman was impossible. T'Pol was the first woman he could maybe call a friend and that had only happened yesterday. All the other women he knew were either related to him or were professional acquaintances.

“There are foods I do not like, but I didn't see any of them in the items Chef sent.”

“It will be ready in an hour.”

Dinner was over. Malcolm, Jon, and Phlox sat around the fire with drinks relaxing before retiring for the night. The stillness of the evening quickly became charged.

“T'Pol what the hell was that.” The angry words came from Trip's tent just before he came flying through the flap pressing his fingertips into his back.

“I'm sorry Commander I should have been paying more attention.”

“This is supposed to help me sleep not disable me. I told you there wasn't enough room to do this in there.”

“Then what would you suggest? You need sleep and this is the only way I know how to help you.”

Trip reached for a blanket and lantern. With the items in hand he turned and marched off into the darkness. When it became apparent that T'Pol wasn't following him he motioned with his hand as he snapped at her.

“Are you coming Commander or is there some way I can administer neuro-pressure to myself?”

T'Pol stomped through the brush to get ahead of him stopping for a second to whisper, “Are you upset with me?”

In his head he questioned her. “Why are you whispering?”

“Because I didn't want to be overheard?”

“You're the Vulcan and this bond is because of you and you somehow forgot they can't hear you in my head?”

She chose to ignore his snottiness, but responded with her own frustration showing. “You have not answered my question? Are you upset with me?”

“Is this an acceptable spot T'Pol?” Trip asked loud enough to be heard as he checked to be sure they were close enough to camp to be seen, but far enough away to obscure their movements.

“It is acceptable.” She replied as her mate laid out the blanket and set the lantern down.

“No, I'm not upset with you. That last position hurt and I got angry, but mostly I'm frustrated. I feel like we're lab rats who've been set loose in some maze to be observed by the captain and the doctor. I'm supposed to follow these steps they set out for me before I'm declared better. All I want is for us to be together and help each other. I know they're my friends and they're looking out for me, but enough is enough.” He saw the frustration in her eyes. “I shouldn't take it out on you.”

“You really have issues with this idea of being a lab rat.” This wasn't the first time he had used that particular phrase. She was unaware of his stating the same sentiment to Dr. Phlox after he found out about Sim. The thoughts and images of this time were front and center and she couldn't miss them as his internal battle raged. He'd never mentioned his feelings about Sim to her.

He hated doctors. Never liked the idea that medicine was considered a practice and found he liked being the subject of such practice even more abhorrent. He was grateful to be alive, but didn't want to think about why he was still around. “Don't you? Being here has helped, but we have to be careful not to appear to intimate so no one gets the wrong idea and their hovering is making me crazy. They make me feel like I'm a kid who needs his mommy and daddy to keep me safe and well. Why don't they crowd you?”

“I think they're afraid of me. I'm not sure what they think I might do to them, but they have always kept their distance. Everyone has except you. And now Malcolm. You know it will be the same on Enterprise.”

“It's not the same. We may not have a lot of privacy, but we have some. I can live with that. We have no choice.” He told her as he rubbed his hands up and down his face.

“You are extremely irritable when you do not get enough sleep and we both suffer.”

“I know. I'm being selfish and self-centered again.”

“Would you stop insulting my mate. He is simply tired and needs rest.”

A grin broke out across his mouth. She forgave him. “I'm sorry for losing my temper.” Trip said this for the benefit of those listening from camp.

“Apology accepted. Now lay down and let's start from the first posture again.” T'Pol could feel the pinched nerve she had caused in his shoulder. He had been attempting to mask the pain from her.

“Tell me about your second foremother T'Mir?” He spoke quietly, but out loud.

“I thought you didn't believe my story about her.”

“I didn't then, but I didn't know you very well. I do now so tell me about her.”

“She explored many worlds before she retired. My mother said I took after her. She was stubborn, opinionated, and very independent.“

“So your mom thought you were stubborn?”

“We had many disagreements through the years. Until my father died he always refereed our fights. Once he was no longer there to stand between us our relationship became strained.”

He could feel her sadness. “It's alright. I understand.” He tried to change the subject. “Which side of the family was T'Mir from?”

“From my mothers. I have been told I inherited my imagination and curiosity from T'Mir. My foremother told me many stories about her when I was a child. She left Vulcan to explore the first chance she got and never looked back. Her bondmate was also an explorer and scientist. They stayed in space until they could no longer put off returning to Vulcan to have a family. Once their son was born they both remained at the Ministry of Science until he left home.”

“So you're following in her footsteps exploring space?”

“Not just hers. My first foremother also spent several years on a scientific mission on a starship. My mother was the first that never left Vulcan. She never wished to explore.”

“Well, I'm glad you took after your ancestors or we would never have met.”

The topic became more personal so she switched to speaking in the bond. “If you remember I was assigned to the Vulcan Consulate on Earth before I was assigned to Enterprise. Considering all the interactions you have had with Ambassador Soval I'm sure we would have met at some point. We would not have spent as much time together.” After reconsidering her statement. “Although he has spent a considerable amount of time aboard Enterprise.”

“Yeah, maybe we would have met at that. And you did say you were attracted to me the first time we met.” Trip teased.

“I seem to remember a certain Commander's scent being one of extreme arousal at that meeting and then that same Commander took liberties with the first officer in the decon chamber on their very first mission.”

A hearty laugh escaped from deep in Trip chest. “Guilty as charged.” He had dreams about her for weeks after that. “I feel much better now. You have magic fingers.”

“Touch makes our bond become more balanced. You are experiencing the affects of being forced to remain separated for several hours at a time.”

“If we've been bonded for more than a year then it's fully formed, right?”

“Yes. I think it started in the Expanse and it may have become permanent when I married Koss. I was to bond to him, but you and I had already formed a mating bond by then. I believe it became permanent during the bonding ceremony.”

Trip's shock tore through his mind. First were bonded now were married. Do I get a say in anything anymore. “So we got married that day instead of you and Koss?”

“Technically yes. It is unofficial until our bond is formally recognized by a priest.” T'Pol didn't know what to do. Trip was angry at her.

“I'm not mad at you. We both did this. I'd just have liked to know what was going on instead things just keep happening to us. I never believed in fate before, but I guess I have to now. Are we going to be able to keep all this a secret?”

“Unless something were to harm you I will be able to keep my feelings hidden, but I'm not sure if you can.”

“I've had these feelings for a long time now and no one really knows it, except Mal. But you can teach me how to be more in control of my reactions and emotions, can't you?”

“You wish me to teach you how to be more Vulcan?”

“If it helps keep me from screwing up then yes I'll be Vulcan on the outside when I need to be and human on the inside.”

“We can certainly try. You learned shielding techniques much faster and easier than I anticipated. It will take practice.”

“Will we be able to keep other Vulcans from figuring it out?”

“That will depend on their telepathic abilities. In some cases we will be unable to have any mental contact to avoid detection.”

“Is Soval very telepathic?”

“No he is not. He had a bond with his mate, but it was very weak from what I've been told.”

“Am I telepathic or is this just because of you?”

“I don't know. There are no other telepaths here to see if you are receptive to them. I find it hard to believe that your mind is only tuned to mine. There are no cases I know of where someone became telepathic to only one person. I do believe you have very strong empathic abilities. It is one reason you get along so readily with a large number of people. You read their emotions without even being aware of it and adapt accordingly to make them feel at ease.”

“It sure fails me sometimes. There are some people who I can't seem to get along with no matter what I do.”

“That may be because you are feeling something from them that tells you not to trust them. You once told me you go with your gut feeling.”

“So what happened with Ambassador Soval? I couldn't stand him and now I find out he actually likes Humans. He even complimented me on my handling of the whole Andorian mess. My gut sure had him figured out wrong.”

“It's not perfect. You have to admit he was fairly convincing. I'm Vulcan and have known him for several years and I was convinced he disliked and did not trust humans as well.”

“You and the whole High Command. I guess I shouldn't feel bad if all those Vulcans were fooled.” Trip began to yawn. The neuro-pressure had done it's job.

“Let's return to our tents so you can get some sleep”

“I want to go back to Enterprise. Five more days. I can't stand five more days of not being able to sleep because you're not with me.” Trip complained as he crawled into his sleeping bag.

“I thought you liked the beach and vacations?”

“I do, but not when they are forced on me and other people are dictating how and with whom I spend my time.”

“Perhaps you should spend some time by yourself tomorrow. It may help you enjoy yourself more.” T'Pol had the blanket they had been using for neuro-pressure wrapped around her chest.

“You're just as unhappy about being here with our babysitters as I am. You miss snuggling up to go to sleep as much as I do.”

“I am fine. My discipline will...”

“Discipline? What's discipline got to do with it? You're cuddled up to a blanket because I'm not there.”

There were times when their bond wasn't helpful, especially since her mate had learned to use it so well. “Good night, Trip.”

Trip punched his pillow. “Good night darlin'.” I'm disciplined he insisted to himself. At least she has a blanket to snuggle up to.

----------

T'Pol found Malcolm on the beach reading through specs for several weapons upgrades he wished to discuss with Trip.

“Malcolm I need you to come with me. Trip needs help.”

The lieutenant shook his head. “Please tell me he hasn't managed to get himself in trouble again.”

“He says he found a pool of water to bathe in. He used his phase pistol to heat the rock and warmed the water. It's unclear how his foot got stuck, but he needs us to help him get it free.”

Malcolm began chastising himself. “I know better than to let him wander around by himself. He always promises to be careful.” Malcolm headed back toward their camp. “I need to pick up a few things we might need.”

When they arrived at the pool T'Pol stopped. “You will need to take this to him. He needs it to cover himself.”

Malcolm took the towel before he continued toward Trip. “What is it with you and no clothes lately?”

Trip snapped back. “How many baths have you taken in your clothes? I thought it was reasonable to assume I'd be by myself.”

Malcolm knew it was against his friends nature to hope for the best, but plan for the worst. “You have a point. It would be far less relaxing if you wore clothes.” He conceded as he threw the towel to him. Once Trip had wrapped it around his waist and secured it by tucking in the end Malcolm went closer to assess the situation. “This is really none of my business, but T'Pol acts as if she's never seen you naked before.”

“She hasn't.” That wasn't totally true, but Malcolm didn't need to know about that night and the disastrous results.

“Did I miss something? You've been doing neuro-pressure for months, you spend your nights in her quarters, and actually sleep?”

“I guess we could have had sex sometime after her marriage or maybe right after her Mom died. Then again we could have celebrated when her husband divorced her, although that would have meant we were speaking at some point. And me being the insensitive sex crazed guy I am probably should have thought it was okay to deal with my grief by taking her to bed after our daughter died.”

“Okay I get it. I've never had a relationship with a woman that wasn't based on sex, so shoot me.”

“You shoot people I try not to. T'Pol's right my temper is way out of control. I open my mouth before engaging my brain. Just ignore me until I get myself under control.”

“You're fine. It was a stupid thing to say and you had every right to call me on it.”

T'Pol leaned in surprising both men who hadn't realized she was that close. “I have no problem looking at his nude body. I simply do not wish to be the cause of embarrassment for the Commander.” There was no expression on her face, but Malcolm and Trip both looked like guppies with their mouths hanging open.

“Until just now I thought her sense of humor was something she learned from you, but if she meant what I think she meant that had to be all T'Pol.”

“I told you she was funny. You have no idea what she thinks all day that she'd never say out loud. If she did I'd have never won an argument with her. She can zing them faster and more direct.”

Malcolm turned to T'Pol. “Is this a newly learned skill?”

“No it is one I have had to work hard at suppressing. It got me into much trouble until I was forced to control it to prevent disciplinary action from my mother and teachers.”

“I have to say I like it. You seem to have a very British sense of humor. Irony with just a touch of sarcasm. Perfect.”

Trip watched as Malcolm reached into the water trying to dislodge his foot. “Please tell me it's broken?”

Malcolm whipped back up. “Are you daft? Why would you want a broken foot? Don't you have enough to deal with?”

“If it's going to hurt this much it might as well be broken, so we have to go back to Enterprise.”

“Great that's all we need is you running around trying to get hurt. You do quite well with accidents as it is.”

T'Pol walked away with tools in her hand. “She's pissed.” Trip could feel her anger.

“You really can be the biggest pain in the ass. I know these aren't the best of circumstances, but stop making it worse. Have you really looked at T'Pol. She meditates and takes care of you, but she's exhausted. I've only really paid attention since we got here and I see it. I know you're grieving too but shouldn't you be trying to take care of her too?”

Their bond helped, but it wasn't perfect. And T'Pol kept so much to herself. Was Malcolm right? Had she been taking care of him and ignoring her own needs? Trip watched as she worked on the branch she had cut down. It looked like she was trying to taper the end to make a lever to move the rocks that had trapped his ankle. There were dark circles under her eyes and judging by her face she hadn't been sleeping well even when she did sleep. He could feel it through the bond now that he had bothered to ask the question. He really needed to get out of his own head. Figure out how to make the best out of their current situation and get himself and T'Pol well again.

When she came over with the branch Trip wanted to touch her face and let her know he was sorry. But he couldn't. T'Pol may show more of herself to Malcolm if she considered him a friend, but touching was way over the line.

He let out a deep sigh. “Let's get me out of here.” There wasn't much he could say at the moment. Sorry wouldn't do it anymore. He needed to get free before he could start taking care of T'Pol.

Malcolm and T'Pol used the lever to unwedge Trip's foot. Malcolm gathered the supplies he'd brought with him while Trip put on his pants. He left T'Pol to tend to his injury.

T'Pol rinsed the towel he had been wearing, ripped it into strips, and began wrapping his ankle. “Darlin' why don't you stop me when I start going off like that?”

“When your sister died, you avoided everyone. You didn't talk. You didn't eat. You didn't sleep. Having you be rude and angry is better than you not being here at all.”

All Trip could think was what an idiot he'd been. She would rather suffer through my temper tantrums than be alone. As bad as this hurt having her with him made it so much better than when he'd lost Lizzie. “Please promise me you'll tell me to stop when I'm being unbearable.”

“I promise.”

Trip stepped down on his foot putting weight on it. “Thanks. My ankle doesn't seem to be broken, just a little bruised and painful. Let's find a spot so we can meditate.”

“Meditation can wait until later.”

“No, it can't. Let's go meditate now. And if you need to we'll meditate the rest of the day.” T'Pol had to meditate, but it certainly wouldn't hurt if he did as well. He insisted everybody leave him alone so he could find his own way to deal with his loss and pain, so he decided now was the time to actually follow through and find his coping mechanisms before he took out himself and everyone around him. He couldn't use hate and rage to drive him forward this time, but he did have love and friendship.

“We will stop by the camp to get something for lunch. You need to eat.”

“So do you. Just because you can go without food and water doesn't mean it's healthy too. Especially when your body is already stressed.” Now all he had to do was avoid the Doc, so he wouldn't start trying to examine his injury.

After meditating till dusk the two returned to the campsite to find the rest of the group eating dinner. Phlox was babbling on about some colleague at a medical conference he'd attended. Jon was hard to read and Malcolm's eyes were drilling holes through his dinner plate as he stared at it obviously bored silly.

Trip filled two cups with hot water dropping the teabags he retrieved from his tent letting them steep while he retrieved his boots to hide his wrapped foot. He sat to put them on. T'Pol appeared at his side with ration meals for them. Trip looked at his before he grabbed the meal in her hand. “You might be able to make yourself eat these, but there's no way we're eating these 3 times in one day when Chef sent real food. Drink your tea and I'll see what I can throw together.” He pointed to a place for her to sit.

After cleaning up from dinner and without consulting T'Pol Trip made a decision. He got up, walked to his tent and closed the flap. He pulled the stakes loose then wadded the material into a big ball. He then did the same with T'Pol's tent. Reaching into the supply containers he removed what he thought they would need. Archer stepped around the fire and stood next to him.

“What are you doing Trip?”

Trip continued his work avoiding looking at the captain. “T'Pol and I are going to go off by ourselves. I can't do this in a fishbowl. You were right about us coming here, getting off Enterprise, but I need to be alone. It's too hard to worry about what I might say or do all the time.”

“You can't just take off on your own.” Jon wanted him here with friends to help him. To look out for him.

“Look T'Pol is Vulcan and very private about her feelings and so am I. We can be together or leave each other alone and it's okay. We're officially on leave right? Regulations say you have no authority to tell us what we can and can't do until we return to the ship, so we're going. I let you order me to take this leave to avoid a fight, but that's as far as I'm willing to go. If that makes you angry I'm sorry, but I don't have enough strength right now to care.” A small part of Trip worried that he might have just done irreparable damage to their friendship, but he really didn't have anything left to give it serious consideration.

Trip continued gathering their supplies. T'Pol remained silent, but took several items to carry. Malcolm handed Trip a bundle. “There's a weapon and a few other things you might need. We'll see you in five days right here. Be careful.”

“We will. Is there a communicator in here?” He inquired holding up the bundle.

Malcolm shook his head. “And a tricorder, just in case.”

“You really took that 'be prepared' motto to heart didn't you? I'll contact you a couple times a day to let you know we're okay. Just keep it to yourself.”

“You know me the resident Boy Scout. Just get better and be safe. I'll keep things quiet here.”

Jon watched them each take a lantern and leave. His was angry that Trip had stood up to him and that Malcolm had crossed to Trip's side of the line when he drew it in the sand. Trip was right. They were on leave and free to do as they wished. The only way to stop them would be to get Dr. Phlox to intervene and Archer knew he had no grounds.

Malcolm knew they were right to leave. He'd just have to make the captain believe it while figuring out how he was going to spend the next five days with him. He had never been able to forget that Jonathon Archer was his superior officer. He may be able to have a less formal relationship with him, but he would never be able to be close friends with him. That would make their professional relationship too complicated and Malcolm knew better than to allow that to happen. Loyalty was one thing. Friendship was entirely different.

When Trip got to the beach he stood there and took a deep breath. After several minutes he started walking to his left. They hadn't been down this way yet, so he wanted to see what was there. T'Pol walked along side him. They walked until Trip found an area of sand near enough to the trees that they could find wood for a fire and far enough away from the water to keep them warm at night.

Trip emptied his arms and laid down in the sand letting the warmth relax the tightness in his back. His eyes were closed. T'Pol sat down next to him and lifted his head into her lap as she gently rubbed his temples. They stayed like this for some time until she laid his head back down in the sand and moved with a blanket to lay next to him. He moved to his side and wrapped his arms around her drawing her tightly against him. After several minutes their breathing became relaxed and both drifted off to sleep.

When he awoke Trip tightened his arms around the still sleeping T'Pol. They had slept all night laying under the stars in the sand. The sun rise told him it was around 4 in the morning. He had to get himself straightened out enough to keep his emotions under control to stop inflicting more pain on T'Pol. She couldn't deal with her own emotions if she constantly had to fend off his anger. The sand had dug into his skin causing it to sting now that he was fully awake. As much as he wished to remain here holding the woman he loved he couldn't. He had to move. He took one of the pillows from inside his tent and laid it under T'Pol's head. Leaving her to sleep while he set up camp. The tents were up and the firepit had been dug before he went off to put up the warning beacons Malcolm had included in his care package. He put them around them on three sides about a hundred and fifty feet away. The only intruder he expected was Jon. He knew he'd try to check up on them and Trip wanted warning to be sure he did not catch them during neuro-pressure half dressed or snuggling up asleep. Once the perimeter was safeguarded he went in search of firewood. The back and forth walking produced a large enough pile to last a couple of days. The sleeping bags were zipped together and laid inside his tent. The other tent now stored both duffles and the rest of the supplies.

When Trip came back from swimming in search of the towel he forgotten to take with him he found T'Pol finishing up making breakfast. When she handed him a plate he didn't ask what it was he simply said thank you and set about eating. Those two words were the only ones that been spoken since they started on this adventure last night. He took the cup she offered, surprised it contained coffee. She must have asked how to prepare it for him from someone. But who and when he didn't know. He almost asked, but decided it didn't matter. She had taken the time to learn for him and that's all he cared about.

T'Pol lit her candle then positioned herself to meditate. Trip scooted up behind her. He never asked what about his presence made it easier for her to meditate, but he had guessed it was his touch. When she first began teaching him he thought this position was for his benefit, so she could take him to their white space. Now he was sure that may have been her rationalization for it, but she enjoyed having his arms around her as she leaned back into him. He had moved across from her one session after he no longer needed her assistance to get to their space. She never said a word, but he knew that sitting across from her was not acceptable so he moved behind her and had done so since until they were on the beach with Malcolm.

The calm of the bond they shared flowed between them. Trip couldn't remember when he had spent this long with anybody being comfortably silent. Walking down the beach he closed his eyes and concentrated on the warmth of the sun on his skin and the sound of the waves hitting the beach, This was the feeling he needed to commit to memory. T'Pol had told him to find a memory of feeling that he could easily recall when he became stressed or his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

“You have found your calm?” T'Pol's voice startled him.

“Yeah, I think I have. Now I need to know how to use it and keep certain emotions from showing in my expression.”

“We will discuss it during neuro-pressure this evening.”

After contacting Malcolm as he said he would he followed T'Pol as she explored the wooded area around them. They found a rather large grouping of rocks and climbed to the top and sat.

“If you could go anywhere you wanted where would you go?” Trip asked. He had no idea what she liked to do in her free time away from the ship.

“I would travel in space or visit planets I've never been to.”

“Why have I always gotten the feeling you didn't like exploring. I have never been able to figure out why you are out in space when you quote chapter and verse from the Vulcan protocols that keep you at a distance from planets and other species. I mean they require you to spend months sending probes and observing before making contact.”

T'Pol had seemed rather fixated on getting Captain Archer to follow the Vulcan protocols when they encountered a new species or planet. “I believe that caution is required when encountering new species, but not so much that first contact takes months. I do still believe announcing every detail about Earth or Vulcan and their inhabitants to every species one meets is unacceptable. You need to know something about them before you draw them a map to get to your home.”

“We were pretty naive when we first came out here. I think Jon has learned. I know I have. I used to just trust people now they have to earn it.”

“Being open to new experiences doesn't mean you can't be cautious.”

“Do you want to stay out in space after we leave Starfleet?”

“I can't see myself returning to Vulcan for some years, if ever. I'm not sure I'd be welcomed on Earth, especially since I'm not attached to the Consulate there anymore. I've burned many bridges and find myself without a plan for the future. What had you planned to do once you left Starfleet?”

“I thought I wanted to have my own ship like Jon, but I don't anymore. I've seen what it's done to him and I can't live my life without friends or family. I want to work on engines. I'd prefer to build them not just constantly rebuild the same one over and over. There are few improvements that can be made to Enterprise because of the design. And I want to be with you no matter what we do.”

“I wish to be with you as well.” The only future plans they had involved being together. It wasn't perfect, but it was enough for now. “Do you want to explore space?”

“Once we're sure there's not going to be a war or it's over yes I would. Not sure how I do that and build engines, but I'd like to do both. That's why I accepted my commission on Enterprise. It was supposed to be an exploration mission with my friend and I would get to a warp 5 engineer. It just didn't work out that way.”

She could feel his pain beginning to surface as she moved to encircle him with her arms. “Breathe through the pain and find that feeling you had earlier. Breathe. Do not try to stop the pain just try to concentrate on that feeling until you are calm enough to place your pain in a separate place in your mind until we can meditate.”

Trip concentrated on his breathing first. Once he felt himself calming he searched for that memory. The feelings washed over his mind and body calming him. The pain took on substance. He could almost see it. He turned his attention to moving it to the space he had reserved to hold such emotions until he could deal with them privately. It took several attempts, but he finally succeeded. When he opened his eyes he felt a dull ache, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He also felt exhausted.

“With practice this will become automatic. Vulcans learn to do this after several years, but we must control all our emotions. You only need to control the intense negative ones.”

“Is this how I keep my feelings for you hidden from the crew?”

“You just learn to internalize those emotions and not allow them to be reflected in your expression. You can do this with all your feelings like Vulcans do or with practice just the ones you choose.”

“You do this all day every day don't you?”

“There are many emotions, mine and those around me, that I must push aside until I can meditate and examine them. I must then suppress them, but you must express them in an appropriate manner.”

“So I meditate and let myself feel the pain later?”

“Yes. You experience the emotions as you must in the privacy of your own mind or room free of the concern of being observed by others or you find an acceptable way to release them when appropriate. Perhaps through physical exercise or activity.”

“So I need to exercise every day along with meditation.” He exercised three or four times a week, but he could get hit the gym every morning for a while if he had to.

“We could start a new routine when we return to the ship. If you wouldn't mind some company.”

“You want to exercise with me?”

“If that is acceptable.”

“I think I could find a way to be okay with that.”

“We will have a week before we are back on active duty once we return. We can work out the details then.”

“I actually feel better. Calmer somehow. I think I'm going to go swim for a while. Would you like to join me?” Trip really wished he had a boat or at least something to float on.

“I think I'll see if I can meditate on my own.” T'Pol still found it difficult to meditate without Trip. She sat quietly allowing her mind to float along with her bondmate. She couldn't see him, but knew he must be floating on his back while observing the clouds. She found it strange that he kept trying to make recognizable pictures out of those formations. Humans needed to try to fit the world around them into something familiar instead of trying to see the uniqueness inherent in each new experience.

---

Malcolm was also bored. He had nothing in common with either Dr. Phlox or the Captain. The thought of all those strange specimens the doctor had in sickbay or discussing some disease or germ held no interest for the tactical officer. The Captain talked about water polo, his dog, other vacations he'd gone on (there weren't many) and work. The Lieutenant wanted to go somewhere and quietly read the book he'd brought along. It was a war story he gotten for Christmas two years ago. Fictional but fascinating none the less. In order to achieve his goal he would have to leave the two men alone and that wasn't possible if he wanted to prevent the captain from slipping off to find Trip and T'Pol. That Malcolm knew him well enough to know he would want to go check on them came as a surprise to the captain when Malcolm caught him. He had tried to say he was just checking to be sure their biosigns were still out there, and Malcolm hadn't pressed him even though he noted that Archer had been heading straight for them. He couldn't help Trip except to give he and T'Pol the time they needed alone to do whatever they needed to do to grieve.

Malcolm arrived at a solution to his dilemma. He contacted Travis on board Enterprise and gave him a list of items to transport down to him. Once the parts and tools arrived he set about reworking the design of the torpedo assembly before him. He knew this would be much easier with either of the Commanders input, but for now he had something to do while keeping an eye on the captain. It took the rest of the day before the doctor had himself transported back to sickbay. By nightfall Captain Archer decided to return to the ship as well. Malcolm contacted Travis and asked that he let him know if anyone transported back to the planet, especially Captain Archer. Malcolm contacted Trip and informed him that he and a two man security team were the only ones left on the planet. When Trip invited him to move his camp to join them Malcolm declined the offer. He thought they needed to be alone and he also thought the captain would be monitoring them on sensors and would not be happy if Malcolm were to move. He did agree to join them the next day for a couple of hours.

When Malcolm got close to Trip and T'Pol's camp he could hear a very familiar sound. The pair were bickering back and forth playfully. Malcolm stood back and listened to them.

“How can you say that?”

“You can't reroute the circuitry and run that much current through it and expect it not to burn out.”

“I already tested it T'Pol, but I'll complete any testing you want beforehand.”

“Why are you so stubborn when it comes to the engines?”

“How can you say I'm a gifted engineer one minute and then turn around and say I'm clueless the next?”

“One statement has nothing to do with the other.”

“Really. Do I know what I'm doing or don't I?”

“Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. In this instance you don't?”

“This is getting us nowhere. We'll have to wait until we get back to work to settle this. What do I get if I'm right?” The smirk on his face said he was confident he was right.

“The satisfaction of being right?”

“You're no fun. And don't you dare say Vulcans don't have fun.”

“We don't.”

“I know better, so it's not going to work.”

“So are you trying to disagree with everything I say today?”

“I didn't know I had been doing that. I'll stop.”

“Good then sit down and let me take care of your ankle.” Damn she was good. “That's sneaky T'Pol.”

“You just agreed to stop be disagreeable.”

“I said I wouldn't disagree about what you said. Tending to my foot doesn't involve talking.”

“Sit down or I'll have the doctor transport down and take care of it.”

“You wouldn't dare.”

“Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do, Commander?”

Malcolm watched as the worlds worst patient sat down quietly and let T'Pol clean and re-wrap his ankle without complaint. Once she finished Malcolm yelled letting Trip turn off the perimeter alarms before he proceeded.

T'Pol offered to make lunch while the two friends went off to talk.

“What I'm about to confide in you is something I need your word you will never discuss with another living soul. I need to talk to my friend Mal, not the tactical officer of Enterprise.”

Trip was deadly serious. Without needing to reconsider his decision Malcolm assured Trip. “I give you my word as your friend that whatever you say stays between us.”

“Well, you can talk to T'Pol about anything concerning me or her, but no one else.” Trip took several cleansing breaths and started. “I'm sure you've figured out that T'Pol and I are more than friends. We had just figured out that there was something there for sure when we found out about Elizabeth.“ Pain registered on his face as he searched for the right words. “As a Vulcan T'Pol is telepathic;as well as; empathic. When Vulcans take a mate they bond with them telepathically. She and I are bonded that way forever.” Trip waited for some reaction.

“What exactly does that mean?” Several thoughts ran through Malcolm mind at once and none of them made sense.

“It means I can talk to her most anywhere or anytime in my head. If she wants me to I can see what she sees, feel what she feels, and she can do the same with me.”

The first thing Malcolm thought was how creepy it would be to have someone inside your head. “She just got inside your head? Why aren't you pissed?”

“It's fine with me. She didn't do it on purpose. It just happened because of how we feel about each other and we didn't know about it for the longest time, but now I wouldn't want it any other way. She's my best friend. She's saved my life more times than I can count and in more ways than I could even explain. I don't ever want to be without her again.”

So this was serious. Much more serious than Malcolm thought possible. “Is that what T'Pol wants too?”

“Yes, it is. He is my mate and will be forever.” T'Pol answered as she laid down the blanket to join them.

“Sorry, I didn't warn you she was coming. I forget sometimes that I'm the only one who can sense her.”

“So we need to figure out how to keep this bond from causing problems for Enterprise and the crew?”

“If one of us gets injured the bond will let us know. We will be compelled to protect and care for the other. If that happens I'm not sure how T'Pol would react and I know enough about myself to know my reaction won't be good. I haven't reacted well in the past to her being injured or captured without this bond. I just need you to try to keep us as level headed as you can. There are things Vulcans do not discuss with non-Vulcans and this is one of them.” The expression on his face softened and the look in his eyes said it all when he continued. “You have no idea what a concession T'Pol made to let me tell you about this. She only did it because she trusts me and I trust you.“

Trip couldn't tell his family. What would he say? I'm in love with a Vulcan who I'm mentally connected to for the rest of my life, but you can't tell anyone. He found he had no problem keeping these secrets with T'Pol. Couples knew many things about each other and their relationship that were never shared with others. That's part of what made these relationships special. Few Humans really knew about Vulcan bonding at all and if they did it was in very general terms. Making his family keep secrets for him wasn't something he was prepared to do.

“So no matter what happens I'm the only one who can know about this?” Malcolm understood why they couldn't tell anyone. Their careers with Starfleet would be over. The security risks alone would be enough to get them thrown out. Not to mention they were breaking several less serious rules.

“I promise we will resign if it becomes an issue of safety for the ship and crew. If that happens you need to let us know.” They both knew that if their bond were discovered it would create dangers for those aboard Enterprise.

“I need to let this sink in before I can decide what special precautions we need to take. I need to protect both you and the rest of the crew.”

On his way back to his own camp Malcolm thought about the fact that he felt no qualms about keeping Trip and T'Pol's secret. The Malcolm who had first boarded Enterprise would have objected strenuously and he knew it. Malcolm Reed didn't know if this change was a sign of growth as a human being or even if it was something he should be proud of. He only knew that for him it was the right thing to do and the only choice he could make. Even knowing it meant he had to keep something from his Captain once again.

Trip slept through the whole night again. He woke early and took a long run down the beach just as the sun peaked up over the horizon. T'Pol showed him how to process his emotions while meditating to lessen the reaction his system had to releasing them. He knew this wasn't a quick fix. He would need to put effort into the practice required to keep control. She had found a way that he could keep reactions from being visible on his face. The fact that he'd become so adept at hiding his true feelings actually helped. His eyes were very expressive, but if he worked at it only those who were very observant would be able to get a picture of his internal feelings if he choose to conceal them. It wasn't the way Vulcans did it because he didn't need to suppress anything just keep them to himself.

On their last morning Trip woke to find T'Pol had wrapped herself around him during the night. He laid there not moving for fear he'd wake her. They were both much better rested with several nights of uninterrupted sleep. T'Pol woke. After laying there for some time she moved to face him. Her lips touched his lightly at first. The kiss deepened into a passionate one. Trip could feel her desire. He tried to let the feelings wash over him. He broke free of her kiss and dropped down flat on his back. After he caught his breath he pushed himself up on his elbow to face her.

“I'm sorry T'Pol. I want you I really do, but not like this. When we make love I want it to be because we love each other not because we are emotionally crippled. I want to be all there and able to give you my full and undivided attention.” Trip tried to determine if she understood.

“Wouldn't you feel better if we were to have sex.” Everything she had heard or read about human sexuality said this was true.

“Yes, I would. If we do this now it would be just having sex. We did that once and it didn't work out so well. I hope we're smart enough to learn from our past mistakes. If you really want this I won't say no, but I really would like to wait.”

“I will not ask you to do something you do not wish to do.” T'Pol was confused.

Trip took her in his arms. “It's not that I don't want to make love to you. I would consider this as our first time and it should be about more than putting a band aid on how much we hurt. Let's deal with the hurt first then we can express our love that way as often as you like. Trust me it will be so much better. I will be so much better.” If they had made love before this he wouldn't have had a problem with it now. That night they had been together months earlier had been okay as far as the sex went, but it had been because of jealousy, whether she admitted it or not, not love. He wanted to make sure this time it was only about love.

T'Pol didn't understand. She did trust him so if he said he needed time then she would give him time. “If that is what you want then I will wait until you are ready.”

“Thank you.” T'Pol hugged him back. Trip felt her sending him her love as he reciprocated. He knew she didn't totally understand, but they had taken a step toward talking to each other without the meaning getting lost. They had started off attracted to each other. Becoming friends over these last four years had built trust and understanding between them. Now they had to go back to Enterprise to their life.