To T’Pol, With Love

Summary: Not able to tell her aloud how he feels, Trip weaves his heart into a letter.
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/SciFi/Romance
Disclaimer: Nothing of Star Trek: Enterprise is mine. If it was, Trip and T’Pol would be married, screwing like rabbits, and having loads of kids.

Author’s Note: This is for the Trip’s Letter Challenge. Also, as a warning, this is a real tear-jerker. It had me crying by the time I finished writing it.

After the Captain had left, she turned toward Trip’s desk and began searching the contents of the drawers. One of the first things she came across was the harmonica that she’d gotten him last Christmas to replace the one that he’d bartered in the Delphic Expanse. She removed it from its case and held it gently, blowing into it. The instrument emitted a long, somber note that echoed throughout the cabin.

Closing her eyes, she recalled his brilliant smile the moment he’d opened the wooden box. He’d stared at her, absolutely speechless. Ensign Sato informed me that this gift would be appropriate, she’d said, when in fact she’d chosen the gift herself.

She blew into the instrument again, attempting to recall the tune she’d heard him playing on it about a week before he’d died. It was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever heard. There had been lyrics as well.

She’d been walking by his quarters when she’d heard the tune through the door and she’d stood outside, not wanting to interrupt. That had been the first time she’d really heard his singing voice and it had captured her heart. The piece, he’d informed her when she’d at last entered his quarters, had been a blues tune titled Had A Little Woman.

Setting the instrument down gently on the desk, she again reached into the drawer. Her brow furrowed as her hand brushed across a data pad. She pulled it from the drawer and skimmed the first sentences.

It was for her, she realized. A letter. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she moved back to the beginning and played the recording.

T’Pol,

There’s some things that I need ta say and since I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say them ta you face-ta-face… I suppose this is the next best thing. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but I need ta get all of this out somehow.

I’ve been attracted ta you from day one when you strutted inta the Cap’n’s ready room like the deck wasn’t worthy of touching the soles of your boots. From the first word, you were a challenge. And I never backed down from a challenge.

At first, I just wanted ta shatter that tight control of yours. I wanted ta see you wild, darlin’, because I saw it in your eyes from the first time our eyes met. Just beneath that layer of control was a passionate, spirited woman waitin’ ta break free.

Over time, it became more about seein’ your eyebrows shoot up and seein’ that coy look in your eyes like you didn’t know that it had become a game. It made me smile even when things were real tough. I looked forward ta our lunches together more than I’d ever looked forward ta anythin’ in my life.

And then I lost Lizzie. I shut you and everyone else out. I can’t even begin ta tell you how grateful I am for everythin’ you did ta help me get over losin’ her. You were there for me in a way that no one else could have been.

I’m never goin’ ta forget that night around Christmas when we made love. You say it was an experiment in human sexuality, but it was so much more than that ta me. You stole my breath that night, T’Pol, and my heart.

I didn’t realize it until you said that you were goin’ ta marry Koss, but I’d loved you from the moment we met. Oh, God, I thought. I’m goin’ ta lose her. I couldn’t stand the thought of losin’ you. But you’d made up your mind. It tore me apart ta watch you marry him. I wanted so much ta be the man in his place.

After you got back, it hurt like hell ta see you everyday. I wanted ta kiss you and ta hold you, but I couldn’t. You belonged ta somebody else. You haunted my dreams and you nearly drove me out of my mind.

I thought that by leavin’ Enterprise maybe I could forget about you…forget about us. But then I found out about our bond and later, I found out that Koss dissolved your marriage. It felt like I’d been given the second chance that I’d been prayin’ for day and night. You wanted ta study your Kir’Shara. I told you I understood. I meant it, T’Pol, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

Then time goes by and we find out about Elizabeth. The first time I saw her in your arms, it took all I had not ta cry. You looked so beautiful holdin’ our daughter. For that brief moment, I was on top of the world. We had a daughter. When you looked at me with our baby in your arms, I fell in love with you all over again.

It’s been three years since we lost Elizabeth and I’m still head-over-heals in love with you. I know I’ve never said it, but I love you more than I’d ever loved anyone. We’ve been fightin’ this for seven years, T’Pol. I say it’s about damned time we tell Starfleet and everyone else ta go ta hell. I want ta spend the rest of my life making up for those seven wasted years.

I want ta spend the rest of my life lovin’ you. I want your face ta be the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see every night. I want ta have kids with you and ta be able ta make love with you anytime I feel like it. I want ta hold you in my arms and never let go. I love you so much and I want the last thing that I see of this world ta be your face.

I want forever with you, T’Pol. I’ve been waitin’ for seven years. I’m tired of waitin’. Let’s take advantage of what little time we’ve got left. Be my wife. I’m sure I can talk the Cap’n inta givin’ us some leave so that we can get married on Vulcan. I know that’s the way you’d want it. I’ll be in the Mess Hall tonight at oh one hundred. Meet me there with your answer.

Love Always,

Trip

She sat the data pad down on the edge of the desk and raised a shaking hand to wipe away the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She closed her eyes and her throat tightened as she allowed her memories of him to rush forward. The emotion swelled her heart in her chest as she recalled his laugh, the way his accent became more pronounced when he was angry, and the utter ecstasy she’d felt when they’d made love. She then recalled his kiss and was almost able to feel his lips brushing against hers.

I love you, a voice whispered in her ear.

“And I love you,” she choked, unable to keep the emotion from seeping into her voice.

Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and stared at the data pad with the tears now running freely down her cheeks. She picked it up and was about to erase the contents when she hesitated. Instead of giving the command that would destroy the letter, she slipped it tenderly into the pocket of her catsuit.

It was illogical for her to be so sentimental about a letter, but she didn’t care. For once, logic wasn’t going to dictate her actions. She would keep this letter as a piece of his soul. She would carry it with her until the day that her katra parted with her physical being and even then it be placed with her as she was lowered into her grave beside to Trip’s. In the next life, they wouldn’t be split by their differences. They would be joined by their similarities and by their love.