Unexpect This!

Rating: R for language (lots, sorry!), sensuality, violence and some crudeness.  (It's the MU, what do you expect??)

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and the characters therein.  All other original material is the property of the owner.  I only do this for pure entertainment.

Archive: Yes, but please ask first.

Spoilers: "Unexpected" & "In a Mirror, Darkly"

Summary: How do MU Tucker & T'Pol handle the reappearance of Ah'len?  (Takes place before the events of "In a Mirror, Darkly")

A/N:  So, I had no idea how vehemently folks felt about "Unexpected" until I posted my challenge fic based in the RU.  Knowing that some of you aren't going to get the satisfying read that you were hoping for in Unexpected Too, I thought I'd throw you a bone here.  That and I honestly prefer to work in the MU, since it's more fun to write "bad guys behaving badly in space."  [insert maniacal laughter here]  This does jive with the actual aired MU episodes - mostly (I'm taking a leetle artistic license to for the sake of comedy) - so don't expect that my alternate MU Tucker & T'Pol (from Reflections of Another Universe) will make an appearance.

Hopefully some of you will enjoy this more!

Special thanks to my wonderful beta, honeybee!

i.

"You're going and that's an order, Tucker!" growled Captain Forrest.  "And make nice.  If the Xyrillians weren't our best source of dilithium and if they didn't have impenetrable defense systems, you'd be off the hook.  As it stands she won't negotiate with anyone but you."

"Fine," Trip replied, gritting his teeth.  "I still say it'd be better find a way to blast them out of the sky and let the Empire take over their mines.  I swore I'd never have anything to do with that bitch again."  Commander Tucker was angry at the whole damn situation.  He thought he was done with that crazy lizard lady for good.

"That's another thing, Commander," said Forrest, "don't go off half cocked and start an interstellar war.  I'll bust your ass back down to Lieutenant, junior grade, and have you scrubbing conduits for the rest of your time in Starfleet."

Trip scowled at the other man.  "Aye, aye, Captain."

"I'm sending T'Pol along to keep you in line.  No surprises, Tucker."  The captain picked up a PADD and started reviewing it.  "Dismissed."

Trip left the small ready room without a word.  He was seething.  Not only did he have to face Ah'len again, but he had to bring the Ice Princess with him.  Better than the alternative, he thought ruefully.  Reed was the last person he wanted to spend three hours in decompression with and Archer was such an ambitious suck-up, he'd probably end up pregnant by the end of the negotiations.  Trip snorted, thinking about the first officer trying to figure out what to do with nipples on his wrist.

It had been years since Trip last saw Ah'len.  The Xyrillians had shown up out of the blue, sporting nasty weapons and needing an engineer to help them fix their warp drive.  They offered to open trade negotiations with the Empire in payment for the assistance.  Forrest sent Trip over with quiet orders to discover how to overcome the Xyrillians' defenses.  Trip had no luck as the lizards kept a very watchful eye on him the entire time.

The only good that came from the mission, other than getting the dilithium, was his time with Ah'len.  At least that's what Trip thought at first.  She had a hot little body, even for a reptile, and the two of them did plenty of explorations of a sexual nature.  At the end, she took him to that holographic chamber and taught him the game with the box of rocks.  It was pretty boring compared to their other activities but Trip hadn't minded.

A few days later back on the ISS Enterprise, Trip discovered that the bitch had knocked him up.  He had Phlox remove the thing (as well as the extra nipples) and bribed the Denobulan to keep it all under wraps.  What neither of them knew was that Crewman Cutler had walked into sickbay and heard the entire conversation.

Within a day the entire ship was buzzing about Commander Tucker getting pregnant.  He only had to beat the snot out of a few people before the word spread that it was an unacceptable topic of conversation.  It grated on him that, even though no one said anything, everyone still knew about it.  What made him even more angry, though, was when Ah'len sent him a message shortly after asking him how he was feeling.  After that, he was positive that the lizard had done it on purpose.

And now she demanded that he be the one to negotiate the new terms for their trade agreement.  If they didn't have those big ass phase cannons attached to their ship and insanely good shields, Trip would have gladly encouraged trigger-happy Reed to accidentally fire on the Xyrillians.

Sons of bitches!

He'd make nice. . . enough.  He wouldn't shoot her, but he didn't promise the captain he wouldn't hurt her either.

ii.

The decompression chamber was ridiculously small.  The only two options were to stand against the bulkhead or practically sit in Commander Tucker's lap.  T'Pol found neither choice agreeable, but at least she had the stamina to remain upright, despite Tucker's offers for her "come have a sit" while patting his legs.  He was a very troublesome human.

The commander's expressions vacillated between distant rage and leering at her.  When he was focused on her, his tongue pressed the inside of his cheek while his eyes traveled the length of her form over and over and over again.  No doubt he was recalling the time they spent together during her premature Pon'Farr and perhaps the other, more tame, encounters they'd had since.  T'Pol shivered a little.

"Are you sure your legs aren't gettin' tired?" he asked, licking his lips.  "Come on, T'Pol.  I promise I don't bite. . . much."  He flashed her a feral grin.

"I am fine," she answered trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.  She did not care for his naked desire.  She did not care for the burning that began in her middle every time he looked at her that way.  T'Pol was Vulcan and Vulcans had no use for irrational, libidinous humans.  

T'Pol wished that he would leave her alone. . . but not really.

"Suit yourself."  He leaned back against the wall.  "The offer still stands."

T'Pol bit down an exasperated sigh, flaring her nostrils as she sucked in the foggy air.  She was suddenly overwhelmed by his musky scent and for a moment she worried that she might be taken with the light plak tow that Tucker seemed to induce in her.  She must prevent that at all costs.  It was a silent promise that she always made after each time she lost herself to her desire for him.  How could this crude being have so much power over her?

"I understand that your previous encounter with the Xyrillians was quite productive," T'Pol said, the words rushing out in her growing desperation to redirect his attention.

The commander was on his feet in an instant, glaring menacingly as he towered over her.  "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Merely that your trip provided more than just trade agreements."  He was so close, too close.  She took small comfort in seeing the only emotion that was emanating from him now was fury.

Tucker slammed his hand into the wall behind her and he drew so near that T'Pol was trapped between his body and the bulkhead. "Why, you little-"  The words came out like a hiss.  His eyes bored into hers and then, inexplicably, the leer was back.  "If you're askin' if I had Ah'len, then yes.  Yes, I did.  Several times, in fact."  He grinned at her.  "It was. . . adventurous, to say the least."

How did he do that?  How did his mood change from rage to arousal so quickly?  T'Pol's control over her own staggering attraction was becoming very tenuous.

Tucker leaned in and whispered, his warm breath brushing against her delicate ear, "Don't worry, darlin'.  It was nothin' compared to what happens when you and I get together.  You're still the best I've ever had."  He turned into her and as he pulled back, agonizingly slowly, his lips grazed her cheek.  It was only then that T'Pol became keenly aware that his rough hand was caressing her bare middle, teasing dangerously close to the low waistband of her pants.  She involuntarily shuddered.

"The cycle is complete.  Please turn your attention to the display so that we may assess your readiness to enter our environment."

T'Pol let out the breath that she hadn't realized she was holding.  She wondered momentarily if one day she might have to take the commander's life in order to be free of the mysterious pull she felt coming from him.  It was something that she would have to meditate on later.

Tucker stepped back and winked at her.  "Guess we'll just have to continue this little conversation another time."

iii.

This was the part he hated:  the waking up part.  The waking up in a bat-shit-crazy, psychedelic, moss-growing-on-the-walls, ugly-as-sin, piece of crap lizard ship.  And what he hated the worst of all was waking up to find Ah'len hovering over him.

"Ah, you're awake, Commander Tucker," she demurred, her electric fingers dancing across the scarred side of his head.  "What happened to your pretty face?"

Volcanic rage bubbled up inside of him and he grabbed her hand, yanking it away from his face.  "Don't touch me, you scaly little whore.  I'm here to negotiate the terms of the agreement, not become your play toy."

Ah'len smiled down at him.  "Oh don't be so petulant, Commander.  I seem to remember that you quite enjoyed yourself."

Trip stood up and shoved a finger into her chest.  "Yeah, right up to the point where you tried to implant me with one of your lizard babies."

"Oh yes," she replied smoothly, "what did it turn out to be?  Male or female?"

He growled and brought his arm up, intending to bitch-slap the hell out of her but, before he could swing, Ah'len crumpled in a  heap at his feet.  Her eyes rolled up into her head and thin tendrils of acrid smoke drifted up from the large hole burned through her middle.  He looked up and found T'Pol still holding out her phase pistol.

"I believe that further negotiations would have been futile," she stated at his questioning look, her expression emotionless.

"I'll be damned."  Trip gave her an appraising whistle.  "Now, what are we gonna tell the Cap'n?"

iv.

"You did WHAT?!" Forrest bellowed at the viewscreen.  "I thought I was clear about making nice with the Xyrillians!  I thought I told you not to retaliate against Ah'len!"

"Don't look at me, Cap'n," Tucker replied with a shrug.  "I didn't do anythin'."

"He's lying," the first officer hissed at Forrest's side.  "I'm certain he's one of Black's men."

"Shut up, Archer."  Forrest was growing tired of the sniveling upstart of a commander.  He turned his attention back to the engineer on screen.  "If you didn't do anything, Tucker, then what the hell happened over there?"

"It was an accident," T'Pol interjected in a cool voice.  "I shot her."

"You shot her?" the captain asked with incredulity lacing his voice.  "Accidentally?"

"Yes," she answered, "I was making adjustments to my sidearm when it misfired.  Unfortunately, Ah'len was in the path of the beam."

Tucker was doing a poor job of hiding a smirk.  This all smelled a little fishy to Forrest, but it was damned difficult to argue with a Vulcan, even if they were slaves.  T'Pol was the most trustworthy of the species he'd ever associated with.  He had a hard time believing that she'd lie to him about this and yet, something wasn't adding up.

"I take it that the negotiations are over," Forrest muttered with a grimace.  How he was going to explain this to HQ, he didn't know.

"Actually," Tucker replied with a grin, "it seems we did them a favor."  He nodded to one of the Xryllians who stepped forward.  It was Trena'l, if Forrest remembered right, Ah'len's second in command.

"Yes," the lizard man agreed, "Ah'len had become a bit of a liability.  Her conquests almost always resulted in lawsuits, usually with the charge of unlawful pregnancy or sexual assault or both.  There are also a few outstanding child support cases.  These are quite taxing to our coffers.  Unfortunately, she had tenure and was virtually untouchable.  Her accidental death will do much to revive our economy."  He bowed his head toward the captain.  "I am authorized to offer you a twenty percent discount on our next shipment of dilithium as a token of our appreciation."

Tucker's smile broadened.  "See?  Now everybody's happy."

Forrest was fairly certain that soon he'd need to collect his jaw from the floor.

v.

Phlox said nothing when the Chief Engineer had slammed the privacy guard shut over the window in Decon, mumbling something about needing to finish a conversation.  The Denobulan would liked to have watched, in real time, what he knew was about to transpire with Tucker and T'Pol.  The spark between the two of them nearly crackled the air when they were near one another.  Their ministrations would most assuredly be lively.

He reminded himself that there were still the hidden cameras, as crashing sounds began to come from the small chamber.  Phlox gave into the urge to place an ear to the door.  He heard the muffled voice of  the commander exclaiming what sounded like "yeah, baby!" a few times.  T'Pol's husky tones were moaning in Vulcan.  The doctor couldn't quite make out the words, but he thought she said something with glu and lerash.  He'd have to look up those in the translator later.  The banging was reaching a new level and the Denobulan grinned.

Oh yes, Phlox was certain that this would be one of his favorite vidfiles yet.

~~~~~FIN~~~~~