Afiladas Palabras y Deseadas (or, Sharp Words to Hide My Heart)

Chapter 1

Disclaimer : Enterprise and its characters are property of CBS/Paramount.

Some quotes are from the ENT episode Carpenter Street.

Author's note: Many thanks to my beta Dinah. This is my Holiday Exchange fic for Escriba. She had three wishes, all to be found in this two-part story: T'Pol tells Trip some things he doesn't know about, Trip quotes from an old movie and wears really loud swimming trunks. Also an albatross plays a part. I was inspired by Escriba's question a while back if anybody could make an interesting fic about the ENT episode Carpenter Street. This story takes a very different direction from what was shown on screen. You could consider it AU, but I like to see this fic as "a loop in time" in the RU. Hope you will enjoy.

- Spain - 22^th of August, 2160 -

T'Pol stood still. She tried to concentrate, to push down the emotions swirling inside her. The flow of emotions was too strong; it pushed through her veins; it made her lose every logical thought. Her control was slipping fast and only because of this music, this song.

She tried to concentrate on her surroundings. She was in a Starfleet gathering. There was a huge crowd of Humans speaking in English and Spanish. She smelt their sweat. She smelt their liquor. She didn't like crowds - too many emotions, so little space to breathe - but she could always handle it. Not now. In front of her, a band was playing soft, gently music. A female had taken the microphone, and it was her voice and the lyrics that moved her so strongly. Vulcans, stationed on Earth, were required to take lessons in the three most spoken languages on Earth - Chinese, English and Spanish - so she did understand the song. More than that, her sharp ears could hear Ensign Sato translating the text into English for Ensign Rostov, who listened intently. So in stereo the song rolled over her and made her struggle for control.

Hace tiempo que no cerraba los ojos (So much time has passed since I closed my eyes)

y te veia tan claro, hasta creo que te he tocado (and I saw you so clearly, I even think I've touched you)

Yo que intenté que lo tuyo quedara lejos (I who tried to keep you far away)

y no sabes lo que has hecho al abrazarme así (and you don't know what you've done holding me like this.)

He creido morirme. He creido morir (I thought I was dying. I thought I was dying.)

He creido morirme. He creido morir ( I thought I was dying. I thought I was dying.)

Cuantos siglos-luz te he estado esperando (How many light-years have I been waiting for you)

pero siempre habia alguien y todavia lo hay (but there was always somebody and still there is.)

Afiladas palabras y deseadas (Sharp words and desires)

no has debido pronunciarlas si no son verdad (you shouldn't have pronounced them if they aren't true.)

The singer repeated the chorus - He creido morirme. He creido morir - until she finished the song. He creido morirme. He creido morir... sin ti.

I thought I was dying...without you...

Somehow those last words produced a new set of emotions that were so strong she hardly could identify what they were. She took a cleansing breath and, looking around, saw the entrance to the beach - to space, to air, to breath - and left the room.

Outside, alone, she breathed in the salty air. She regained control. In the background she could hear that the musicians had changed to a more upbeat song. She concentrated on the sound of the ocean waves rolling gently to the shore. She felt the soft sand beneath her feet. Her poor night vision made it impossible for her to see much more than the silvery moon shimmering in the darkness.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. "T'Pol, are you okay?" Trip's worried voice came from behind her. She turned around. She saw her husband's bright blue eyes, shining like beacons of safety.

Trip's hand still rested assuredly on her shoulder when he added, "You just ran out in a very unVulcanlike fashion. I don't think anyone but me noticed. You were getting emotional, listening to that song."

"Music can have that effect on me," she answered in a low voice.

"I know, but this is different." He knew her well.

"It is." She fell silent, trying to sort out her feelings. They were illogical. Not even in her days in the Expanse had she acted like this. The days of the Expanse - her reactions had something to do with that period. "I didn't have any difficulties with the first places we visited, but here my emotions seem to be easily provoked," she explained.

She thought of her day from the moment she set foot on Spanish ground. They first visited Starfleet Headquarters at Iruñea, then the department of Research and Development in Barcelona. Afterwards, a group of Starfleet officers, including her and Trip, were offered a tour. They saw several buildings designed by the famous architect, Gaudí. A basilica called Sagrada Família, which was begun in 1882 and only recently completed, included beautiful towers in oddly formed shapes and statues of a great pelican, killing himself to feed his young. The needs of the few outweighed the needs of the many, she had thought. The colossal building was aesthetically pleasing, but for a Vulcan, the many details were distracting. Trip had given her an inquiring look during their tour of the basilica and asked what she thought of this immense work of architecture. "It a work of art, but architects and architecture don't hold much interest for me," she told him. He had found this, strangely enough, very amusing.

Then they went to the coast where the base was situated. Restlessness had filled her bones. It was foolish. Why did a place she had never visited have this effect?

T'Pol looked at Trip. "I have never visited this country..." she began.

"...but you get the feeling you've been here," Trip ended her sentence.

Surprised, she nodded.

"Me too. And I've never been to Spain, either," Trip continued.

"There must be a logical explanation," T'Pol said. "It can hardly be a coincidence that we both experienced the same thing."

"I can't think of any," Trip replied. "Maybe we're both very tired. Some fresh air would do us some good. Let's take a walk."

She didn't think her fatigue was the cause of her behavior, but other than strange, unscientific feelings, she had hardly any leads to investigate. She had to admit that a walk would be beneficial, but she still objected: "It's dark."

"Not for me. You can hold my hand."

"Don't you want to go back to the party?"

"Not really. The end of the war and the opening of a new starbase are guaranteed to put Starfleet officers in the mood to party. I've got a feeling they're just getting around to singing stupid song by young ensigns. I'm getting too old for this kind of party. The times when I amused my fellow officers with songs like, I'm too sexy for my shirt, are over." Trip grinned.

"I can't recall you ever singing that song," she replied, thinking that Trip always looked too sexy for his shirt.

"Probably did sometime," he answered. He leaned over to her, filling her nostrils with his familiar smell. In a baritone voice that sent small shivers to her spine, he said, "But I can sing it for you now."

"A walk would be agreeable," she replied.

Her hand slid into his and she stepped into the darkness. A couple of minutes into their walk, Trip stopped and pointed to the road next to the beach. "Today, during the tour, we visited a small square. There was a statue that I'd like you to see."

They walked towards the road and searched for the square. When they found it, T'Pol could see that it was a small place surrounded by houses. In the middle, a statue was placed. She clearly saw small marks of deterioration on the brown statue, made by the salty sea wind and rain. She took out her tricorder, making Trip laugh that she would take her science equipment everywhere with her, including to a party. She remarked that again she had proven it was a very useful habit and checked the age of the statue. It was approximately 150 years old. Her eyes could finally make out that it was a statue of a big bird, spreading his wings like he was soaring above the sea. "It's an image of an albatross," she concluded, "a big, white bird that flies over the ocean and is seldom seen near the coast." Trip teased her about her knowledge of Earth's wildlife, but she hardly heard him. The sight of this statue left her feeling unsettled. It was as if she had seen the statue before, like she had experienced this scene before: she and Trip on the beach, the sand, the soft sound of the rolling waves and a statue of an albatross. Like a dream. Or another life.

Stardate 240267.3, November 16th, 2153 - Starship Enterprise - The Expanse

T'Pol was finding it difficult to meditate. She stared at the flame and tried to focus. She longed for her white space, but when she was there in this place of rest, she felt as if something or someone was missing. She pushed all her unrest away and reached for one of her geometrical objects. She concentrated on the form - it was an old meditation technique - but she soon realized that it was not working. She breathed in and out, taking another cleansing breath, but she couldn't keep thoughts of recent events - Trip's accident, the injury to his brain which put him in a coma, the creation of Sim, her conversation with Sim - from running through her mind.

She could not deny that Sim had an effect on her, but it was not until after his confession that she understood why. She'd made a connection with the boy because she had become attached to the man he was trying to save. When she had seen Trip on the bio bed in a coma, an almost overwhelming fear had consumed her. She had feared he would die, and her Vulcan blood was telling her, without any logic, that if he died, part of her katra would die too.

The commander had always fascinated her with his combination of intelligence, skills and imagination. She also admired, without question, his unique style of leadership: kind but firm, with an eye for the talents of others. This was all combined with a joy of life and an almost childlike desire to see new things, which sometimes confused and annoyed her. It was also something she had missed in the past few months. He seemed to be able to provoke emotions in her, but she was able to control them.

Now Sim had told her something she found very hard to believe - that Trip may be harboring romantic feelings for her. She knew that the only logical action would be not to act on this new fact.

It must be the Expanse," she thought, "which makes me even contemplate this possibility. The warnings about this area of space had been clear." She embraced this conclusion and focused again on her meditation. After three hours of analysis and meditation, she finally reached the level of peace she wanted. A wave of tiredness washed over her. She got ready for bed, and in a couple minutes, she fell into a dreamless sleep.

A beeping sound pierced through the silence and woke her; it was the door bell. When she opened the door, there was the captain, accompanied by his canine.

"Sorry to get you up, but this couldn't wait," he said.

The captain stepped into the privacy of her quarters and made no effort to stop his dog from doing the same. In his abrupt fashion, the captain came right to the matter at hand. "I just had a visit from Daniels. I think all your doubts about time travel are about to go out the window."

She knew Daniels was this so-called time traveler, which the captain had interacted with before. She doubted that she could be convinced, but she listened further to his story.

"Daniels and his team have discovered three Reptilians on Earth in the early twenty-first century. He wants to send us back to find out what they're doing."

The captain explained that Daniels had told him that he could only bring one other person. She assumed that this meant that Daniels' time travelers were guided by certain rules and that only two people were allowed on a mission.

"If Daniels is the time traveler he claims to be, why doesn't he find out for himself?" she asked, still skeptical about this Daniels.

The captain showed no sign of doubts. "It took him a long while to get permission to interact with me. There are clearances. He said it would take too much time."

"I would think he would have all the time in the world," she remarked. But the captain ignored her.

"He said the three Xindi travelled to Earth from our century. They've been there for two months. They're not sightseeing, T'Pol. We have to find out what they're up to." After informing her that they would meet Daniels in the Command Center at 0800 tomorrow, he called his dog, told T'Pol to check the database for a suitable outfit for 2004, and left.

She lit a candle to chase away the smell of the canine and checked the database.

The next day she joined Commander Tucker and the captain in the corridor. She had made an effort to cover her ears and was dressed in boots, trousers and a jacket in the fashion of the early twenty-first century. The captain was showing Tucker a box in which, he later told her, 16 little temporal tags were stored. The purpose of those tags was to signal Daniels to return her and the captain to Enterprise. The commander seemed to be objecting to their hasty departure, and she could not fail to see the logic behind his remarks. However, she thought it was safer for the mission and the ship not to leave the captain alone.

They traveled to Detroit in the year 2004. She and the captain easily found the Human helper of the Xindi. This man called Loomis, a rather smelly and greasy-haired man, was abducting people and bringing them to a secret facility. The Xindi Reptilians were using his abductees as test subjects for their biological weapon against mankind. Loomis was easily convinced to change sides and help them. The captain explained that he wanted Loomis to smuggle him into the facility as another test subject, only he would be fully awake. This would allow the captain to investigate the facility after the room was clear.

T'Pol doubted that this strategy was the wisest course of action, but the captain had it all planned, so she followed his instructions. She was assigned to watch Loomis and wait for the captain to return. While they were seated in the car, Loomis started to complain that helping them had made him lose money. It seemed that money in that time period was a powerful motivator. Loomis wanted to - as Commander Tucker would have said - strike a deal.

"You catch these guys and I get immunity, right?" Loomis said. "We're not talking about copping to a lesser charge."

"When my associate returns, we'll discuss the details," she told him.

"Hey, I'm taking a big chance here, okay? If your associate doesn't catch them, they're going to come looking for me, okay? You two have to keep your word."

She could not believe what she'd just heard. "You've been abducting people for money and you're questioning our honesty?"

Then to her horror Loomis took out a small stick and set it on fire, claiming he was a little tense. She had to threaten him with a phase pistol for him to stop this dangerous activity. Loomis threw the cigarette out of the car. Her stare had the desired effect: he didn't move for a least a couple of minutes. At least there was silence.

Until now, the mission had given her little time to analyze her problem, but in the quiet of the car, her mind drifted back to Sim's revelation that Trip had an interest in her - thinking of her, enjoying their neuropressure time together.

It opened possibilities. It did not open possibilities.

Next to her, Loomis started to move again; he was filled with an unrest that seemed natural to him. She concentrated on the clock in front of her. While both of them sat in the car, time was ticking away. They saw some shadowy figures leave. Loomis poked a finger in their direction and stated that they were his former associates. She expected to hear from the captain very soon, but nothing happened.

Loomis raised his voice and put into words what she had been thinking. "Your partner is taking his time."

She was tempted to give Loomis a neck pinch to render him unconscious while she went out to investigate. Instead she took the car keys, told him to stay in the car and snuck over to the building, her phase pistol ready to shoot at the first sign of a problem. Then her sharp ears picked up a noise, a groan. It was the sound of a person in fear of death - the captain.

The captain was lying on one of the beds, an IV bag dripping liquid into his body. His eyes were wide, his jaw clenched in pain. With a voice filled with agony, he lifted his head when he saw her and hoarsely whispered, "T'Pol, help me."

"What happened, Captain?"

Struggling with his words, the captain explained that while he was looking around, he was discovered by the Reptilians. They captured him, strapped him to a bed and injected him with the same substance as the other test subjects. "I'm...dying. Get me ...out of here," the Captain stammered. Sweat was dripping from his face.

She checked the equipment, stopped the IV drip so the captain would not be exposed anymore and assessed their situation. When she released the captain, the Xindi would be alerted; however, there was no other option. She had no cure for the captain, and he was in no condition to complete the mission. He needed treatment by a physician. "I suggest we use the temporal tags to transport you back to Enterprise. Doctor Phlox will be able to help you. I will stay behind and finish the mission. I will go to retrieve the tags and be back as soon as possible."

She took a sample of the liquid the Reptilians were using and left to pick up the tags. The captain protested, saying he wanted to finish the mission. "Don't ....leave me!" the captain demanded, urgency raising his voice even further. "Get me out...of the bed...and I will be fine!" Then he passed out.

She quickly checked the unconscious body of the captain before going back to the car, where she found that Loomis had fallen asleep. She opened the trunk of the car where the box of temporal tags was stored. She opened the box and, while she was holding it, she touched one of the tags. The next moment there was a flash and a buzzing sound. When she looked up again, she was in the Command Center. Somehow, by accident, she had returned to Enterprise, leaving the captain trapped in the past.

She gathered Doctor Phlox, Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed in the ready room to explain the situation. Her return was met with surprise and hostility. "What are you doing here?" Tucker demanded. "Where is the captain?"

"We were successful in returning to the time period in which the Xindi Reptilians were hiding. We found the facility, and the captain went there to inspect," she reported. "They caught the captain and injected him with the same substance as the other test subjects. He was very ill. I stopped the poison from entering his body and, because the captain appeared to be in no condition to complete the mission, I wanted to send him back to Enterprise for treatment. I obtained a sample of the substance the Reptilians were using. Sending the captain back would alarm the Reptilians, but I saw no other option."

"So where's the captain?" Tucker remarked angrily. When she looked at him, she noticed that he looked tired and agitated. Feeling a surge of compassion, she realized that since he woke up from his coma, things had been difficult for him. Trip not only had to deal with the fact that he had been cloned but also that his clone had died for him. People reacted differently towards him. They shied away. She had, too. She was still struggling with the emotions surrounding Sim and him, and because of that, she wanted to keep some distance between her and Tucker.

"When I retrieved the box with the tags, I must have triggered one of the tags," she answered. It was the truth, but if another crew member had given her that answer, she would not have found it very plausible. "It returned me to Enterprise instead of the captain."

"I did remind the captain that the last time he traveled through time with Daniels he had a hard time getting back," the commander said, with a grimace. "It looks like he's stuck in time again."

"This only proves my point," Lieutenant Reed said. "The standard procedure concerning away mission should be changed. There was no back up. For now, all we can do is try to deal with the situation at hand. Let Doctor Phlox examine the sample Commander T'Pol brought back. Maybe he can find a cure. We could send Commanders T'Pol and Tucker back in time to help the captain. That's the best solution."

Tucker gave Lieutenant Reed a disgruntled look. "How are we supposed to do this?"

"We must find a way to contact Daniels. Meanwhile, Doctor Phlox can start to develop a cure," she answered. She focused her attention on Phlox. "How long will it take, Doctor Phlox...." Suddenly she became very dizzy. She had trouble concentrating and then the world became black.

The next thing she knew, she woke up in sickbay lying on one of the bio beds. "She's awake, Doctor," she heard Trip say. He moved toward the bed, together with Doctor Phlox. She looked up at Trip's face. His blue eyes and the tight lines around his mouth clearly showed his concern. His whole body spoke of tension.

"You passed out during the meeting. Doctor Phlox says it has something to do with time travel and your illness," he said softly. She noticed he felt uncomfortable speaking about her Pa'nar syndrome. She had never told him about her disease. He must have heard it from Doctor Phlox, when she'd become unwell. "You are in no condition for time travel."

"I must help the captain," she urged him.

"Daniels contacted us. He gave us a device that will allow us to travel back in time. I'll go with Lieutenant Reed," he said against her plea. "I realize that saving the captain means a lot to you, but sending you is too risky."

"Would using this device affect my health?" she inquired, her eyes set on him. She would have preferred to speak to Daniels herself, but he seemed to have provided an adequate solution to their problems.

Tucker paused, then he said reluctantly, "According to Daniels, it's perfectly safe. He also gave us some medication that would stabilize your synaptic pathways, but..."

"Then I will go," she concluded. She rose from the bed. "I want to see this device of Daniels' and know all the instructions Daniels gave you."

Commander Tucker gave her one more look, then he turned to Doctor Phlox. "Only if Doctor Phlox declares you fit for duty." He left to allow the doctor to continue with his work.

Doctor Phlox told her that her symptoms were gone and her condition had stabilized. He gave her some medication and warned her to report any changes to him. He told her that he preferred that she rest, but that she was able to perform her duties. Now that she had Doctor Phlox's permission, she contacted Tucker. He told her to meet him in the Command Center. On her way there, she intended to replicate dollar bills, the currency that was used in the 21^th century. From her earlier travel today, she had gathered that money was too important to be without in 2004. She took the box of temporal tags and walked to the Command Center.

When she entered the Center, Lieutenant Reed was standing next to Commander Tucker, who was leaning over a small ball-shaped object. Showing her the device, the commander shared the information he had received from Daniels. "According to Daniels, this device will trace the bio signs of the Xindi Reptilians in Earth's past and then transport us to Detroit in 2004. We can stop the captain from being captured, so the timeline will continue as planned. Daniels called it his back-up plan. If that doesn't work and the captain gets caught again, you can transport the captain with the temporal tags to Enterprise. Doctor Phlox is still working on a cure, but hopefully he'll have the cure ready when it's needed."

"Such a device will need a lot of energy. What is the power source?" she asked.

The commander pushed on a square button on the left side of the device and a small hatch opened. She looked inside, seeing on the right, rows of tubes made of a glasslike material. On the left, she saw several plates made of a shiny material.

"It works on solar energy," Tucker said. "The energy is transformed into a great amount of energy by the tubes. Don't ask me how this works. These time-travel mechanics already give me a headache. All we have to do is push two buttons."

"I thought time travel would be more complicated," she remarked.

"It is. According to Daniels, we're actually creating a loop in time to get to the point of origin again. This point in time is the moment when you and the captain arrived in 2004. Daniels told us that only two persons are allowed on this time travel mission. It has to do with clearances. If you and Lieutenant Reed arrive at the same point in time and the captain is there, that will make three people. So Daniels suggested that when you arrive at the right time, Reed will leave the scene at once, using a temporal tag, leaving you and the captain behind and everything will be exactly as before. Daniels also told us that you can only use the temporal tags in the right time frame in Detroit in 2004. They won't work for any other time or any other place. Also, when you return to Enterprise, you and Reed will not remember anything about the past hours in this loop," he explained.

"Is Lieutenant Reed to accompany me on this mission?" she asked.

"He, as the head of Security, is the obvious choice," the commander replied.

She disagreed and, addressing both men, she said, "I don't doubt the abilities of the lieutenant, but I would like the commander to join me. If our success depends on a time travel device, I need his engineering expertise."

Reed and Tucker discussed this option briefly before Trip agreed, saying with a slightly bitter tone that being an engineer seemed to be his main value, and he would get some clothes from the early 21^th century to get ready.

When he returned, Tucker said that the first part of their mission was to find the bio signs of the Xindi in Earth's past. He pushed a green button. After a minute, the device beeped and four numbers appeared: 2004. "We've found it," he told her. "Now we only have to push the blue button and we'll travel back to 2004. " He searched her face and offered a small smile. It reminded her of the evenings of friendship they had shared during their neuropressure sessions. "Ready?"

When she answered in the affirmative, he pushed the blue button. A flash and Enterprise disappeared once more. Their rescue mission had started.

The first thing she saw was a kind of wooden shack surrounded by some not very well maintained houses. It was not the same sight as before. She clearly heard the sounds of cars so they headed towards the road. While walking, they spotted a city in the valley nearby and also a sea could be seen. The weather was much better here; it had been rainy in Detroit when T'Pol had first traveled back in time. Absolutely nothing about their environment looked right.

Tucker looked around and remarked "It sure doesn't look much like Detroit." They needed to find out where they were. Without consulting each other, they both started to walk toward the city in the valley, following the road. It was not without danger because several cars passed by them. "Did you notice that all the cars had the same sticker on their trunks?" Trip commented.

"You mean they all had the letters ES next to the number plates? I do not know of any state or place near Detroit that starts with those letters," she answered.

When a car stopped next to them, they hoped their questions were about to be answered. A friendly gentleman said something to them in a language that T'Pol recognized as Spanish. When Trip answered, the man changed to English. Tucker explained that they had been dropped off at the wrong place. The car's owner nodded, as if he had already thought of that, and offered them a ride to a place called Lloret de Mar. Before he could ask them about their place of destination, the commander said that it would be helpful if the car owner could drive them to the bus station. In response, the driver invited them to take a seat in his car. During the drive, the Spanish man chatted about the good Spanish weather and the great Spanish food. When they arrived at the bus stop, they thanked the man for his kindness. The moment he was out of sight Trip turned to her and said, "I was right. We're in the wrong place. This isn't Detroit, we're in Spain."

The town they had arrived in was a tourist spot with lots of hotels, restaurants and places where you apparently could go to dance. The city was full of young people, mostly in their twenties, dressed in summer clothing, talking in several different languages, shopping, eating and drinking. They passed the beach, which was full of people enjoying the sun or taking a swim in the nearby sea.

"This is clearly a place of relaxation," T'Pol remarked.

"Risa for young Europeans, if you asked me," Trip said with a smile. The sight of the beach and the sea seemed to have a relaxing effect on him as well. They needed a quiet place to work, so they exchanged some of the dollars T'Pol had brought with her for Spanish Euro's and rented a hotel room.

Once in the room, she took her tricorder and started to examine the time travel device.

"You always take that thing with you," Tucker joked.

"As do you," she answered, with a nod to the small square pocket holder for storing several engineering tools, which the commander had pulled out of his shirt pocket.

"I never time travel without them," he quipped, using one of his tools to have a closer look. "I can't see anything that could have caused this disruption."

The commander speculated that because the Reptilians already had been working for 2 months in the early 21^th century, they may have gone first to another place like Spain, looking for young test subjects and moved to Detroit after a while. It would explain why the bio signs had led them to this place, at an earlier time in 2004. If they pushed the green button again, maybe they would find their way to Detroit.

She saw some logic in his remarks. If the Reptilians needed humans with different blood groups, maybe they had thought that they also needed different genetic groups. Since the population of this town was mainly European, they might have moved to Detroit because it had a more diverse population. For now, it was speculation without any scientific evidence.

They pushed the green button again and found a second source of Reptilian bio signs in this time frame, which confirmed their theory. When they pushed the blue button, both of them closed their eyes in anticipation of the flash which signaled the beginning of time travel. Only when she opened her eyes, her environment hadn't changed: they were still in a Spanish hotel room. Trip, who had opened his eyes, as well, glared in shock at the simple beds, the brownish curtains, the beige wallpaper, and the small desk with one chair. Then he exclaimed, "We're still here. It didn't work."

She thought about using the temporal tags as a method of time travel, but then she remembered what Trip had told her back on Enterprise. "We cannot use the temporal tags," she said. "They will only function in the right time and place."

"Exactly," Tucker replied. "If we can't make this device work, we're gonna be stuck in Spain in 2004. "

To be continued (very soon)

Authors Note II: The song T'Pol listens to in this story is Afiladas Palabras (Sharp words) by Tahures Zurdo. The translation of Hoshi is based on Escriba's in one of the thread on the TRIS forum in which she mentions this song.